Blackadder the Third (TV Series)

Ink and Incapability (1987)

Tony Robinson: Baldrick, a dogsbody

Photos 

Quotes 

• [referring to Dr. Johnson's dictionary] 

  Blackadder : Right, Baldrick. Where's the manuscript?

  Baldrick : You mean the big papery thing tied up with string?

  Blackadder : Yes, Baldrick. The manuscript belonging to Dr. Johnson.

  Baldrick : You mean the baity fellow in the black coat who just left?

  Blackadder : Yes, Baldrick. Dr. Johnson.

  Baldrick : So, you're asking where the big papery thing tied up with string belonging to the baity fellow in the black coat who just left is?

  Blackadder : Yes, Baldrick. I am. And if you don't answer, then the booted bony thing with five toes at the end of my leg will soon connect sharply with soft, dangly collection of objects in your trousers. Now for the last time, Baldrick, where is Dr. Johnson's manuscript?

  Baldrick : On the fire.

  Blackadder : On the *what*?

  Baldrick : The hot, orangy thing under the stony mantelpiece.

• Blackadder : We are going to Mrs. Miggins' Coffee Shop, we are going to find out where Dr. Johnson keeps a copy of his dictionary, and YOU are going to steal it.

  Baldrick : Me?

  Blackadder : Yes, you.

  Baldrick : Why me?

  Blackadder : Because you burnt it, Baldrick.

  Baldrick : But then I will go to Hell forever for stealing.

  Blackadder : Believe me, Baldrick, eternity in the company of Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me... and this pencil.

• Blackadder : [rewriting the dictionary]  Baldrick, what have you done?

  Baldrick : I've done "C" and "D."

  Blackadder : Right. Let's have it, then.

  Baldrick : Right. "Big blue wobbly thing that mermaids live in."

  Blackadder : What's that?

  Baldrick : "C."

  Blackadder : Yes. Tiny misunderstanding. Still, my hopes weren't high. Oh, and "D?"

  Baldrick : I'm quite pleased with "dog."

  Blackadder : Yes, and your definition of "dog" is?

  Baldrick : "Not a cat."

• Baldrick : Sounds like a bag of grapefruits to me, Mr B.

  Blackadder : The phrase, Baldrick, is "a case of sour grapes" - and yes it bloody well is.

• Blackadder : Baldrick, go to the kitchen and make me something quick and simple to eat, would you? Two slices of bread with something in between.

  Baldrick : What, like Gerald Lord Sandwich had the other day?

  Blackadder : Yes, a few rounds of geralds.