- Batman: [reads] Gotham Police declare war on Batman.
- Alfred Pennyworth: I gather you've been reading, "How to Make Friends and Influence People".
- Batman: Somebody's setting me up.
- Alfred Pennyworth: My heavens! You mean it wasn't you tossing guards out of windows last night?
- Batman: I only toss butlers, Alfred.
- [as Batman is analyzing the strange bat screams]
- Alfred Pennyworth: I didn't realize you'd taken up listening to rock and roll, sir.
- Batman: Look here, there were two very quiet burglaries at other pharmaceutical companies this week. Nobody hurt like last night, but chemicals stolen just the same.
- Alfred Pennyworth: And you suspect a pattern?
- Batman: Only one way to find out.
- Alfred Pennyworth: I'll cancel Master Bruce's rendezvous with, uh... Bambi, was it, sir?
- Batman: Yes, Alfred. Do that.
- Batman: This computer checked that fiber against every animal species known to man. I went to them because I thought they might know something we didn't. That hair wasn't a brown bat's.
- Alfred Pennyworth: And those melodic sounds?
- Batman: Computer, check against combined sounds, starling and brown bats.
- Bat Computer: [running an analysis] Negative. Sounds not originated by either species.
- Alfred Pennyworth: I would say, sir, that we have ourselves an incongruity.
- Batman: Incongruity, Alfred? He's lying. And I'm gonna find out why.
- Dr. Kirk Langstrom: [Speaking of Dr. March] He's a little protective of all this. I think he likes bats better than people.
- Bruce Wayne: I can't imagine.
- Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Who's back there?
- [Batman steps out of the shadows]
- Dr. Kirk Langstrom: You.
- Batman: I'm looking for Dr. March.
- Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He's not here, Batman.
- Batman: Where is he?
- Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant.
- Batman: [holding up a stolen chemical] He's misguided and a thief.
- Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He's just a theorist. He was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... *it* took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about. It was out of my control. And it only needs one more component to complete the process. It's in me, Batman.
- [Kirk laughs as he begins to transform into the Man-Bat]
- Det. Harvey Bullock: [Rushing to the helicopter] Let's go!
- Helicopter Pilot: I can't do it, sir!
- Det. Harvey Bullock: What do you mean, "you can't do it"?
- Helicopter Pilot: I just got word not to let you up without the commissioner!
- Det. Harvey Bullock: Who told you that?
- Helicopter Pilot: The commissioner!
- Commissioner James Gordon: Get out, detective! The mayor may not let me fire you, but I am not taking the heat for your fiascoes!
- Det. Harvey Bullock: This is my case, commissioner! You heard the mayor!
- Commissioner James Gordon: Then why don't you take it up with him? I've got a job to do. If you wanna tag along, fine! Take her up, lieutenant.
- Det. Harvey Bullock: Hey! Wait for me!
- Alfred Pennyworth: A call for Master Wayne from a Dr. March.
- Batman: [sounding like Bruce] Hey, what's up, Doc?
- Dr. March: You have bats, Mr. Wayne. Common brown bats. They shouldn't pose a problem. As the weather gets colder, they'll move on.
- Batman: What about the sound on the tape?
- Dr. March: It's actually two sounds. Starlings and brown bats, probably fighting over a nest in your chimney.
- Batman: Appreciate the help, doc. I'll return the favor next time you're raising funds.
- Commissioner James Gordon: [looking over a newspaper announcing the GCPD are after Batman] I didn't authorize this, detective.
- Det. Harvey Bullock: Come on, commissioner. Somebody asked me a couple questions, I just gave them a couple of answers.
- Commissioner James Gordon: You gave them without my approval. if you kept quiet, he wouldn't know we're moving against him.
- Det. Harvey Bullock: I'll find him. I just need a little extra help, your honor.
- Mayor Hamilton Hill: What kind of help?
- Det. Harvey Bullock: I want my own tactical squad for the sole purpose of throwing a net over this Batman.
- Mayor Hamilton Hill: Commissioner?
- Commissioner James Gordon: I've already denied the request. Nobody's taking a vigilante force onto my streets.
- Det. Harvey Bullock: Your honor, any nutcase that dresses up like a bat sooner or later is gonna snap.
- Commissioner James Gordon: Listen, it's just not Batman's M.O.
- Det. Harvey Bullock: Oh, yeah? Tell that to the guy he just tossed through the window!
- Dr. March: You donate a few million and you think you own the place. I understand I'm the analyze something for you.
- Bruce Wayne: Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney.
- [Hands Dr. March a small plastic sandwich bag]
- Bruce Wayne: And I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem.
- Dr. March: And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that!