Barney Miller (TV Series)
The Guest (1975)
Abe Vigoda: Det. Phil Fish
Photos
Quotes
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Det. Phil Fish : Nobody downstairs paid any attention to him, a guy dressed in a cop's uniform in the middle of a change of shift
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Capt. Barney Miller : All right, let's make the best of a bad situation. Get the dispatcher to call Harris in the car. Have them check Wojo into the hospital under the name Alan Shuster
Det. Phil Fish : Right
Capt. Barney Miller : And put him on the critical list and let our friends think they got away with something. And call downstairs, tell them nobody comes up here that doesn't belong here
Det. Phil Fish : Right
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Det. Phil Fish : Fine woman. You know, I get a kick seeing her doing little things like that for you all time. I'll send Bernice over to watch how she does that, if you don't mind ?
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Det. Ron Harris : Well, he's dead
Det. Phil Fish : What ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Wojo ?
Det. Ron Harris : No, Schuster ? I let a few rumors sneak out, it's right here on the second page. Check it out.
Det. Phil Fish : You !...
Capt. Barney Miller : An unconfirmed rumor from an undisclosed source, Alan Schuster state witness scheduled to appear today before the crime commission, went to a Eastside Hospital... critical condition... overdose... undisclosed... died this morning at 5:15 AM... .Perfect... Sorry to see you go , Mr. Schuster
Alan Schuster : Did they say anything nice about me ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Not really.
Yemana : Of course, they don't know you like we do
Capt. Barney Miller : How's Wojo ?
Det. Ron Harris : Sick as a dog ? But he's going to be okay. The doctor said a dude with an ordinary constitution would have cashed it in.
Yemana : He could eat a desk
Capt. Barney Miller : All right, Mr. Schuster get ready to travel. Harris, you and Fish take him over to City Hall, and turn him over to the Crime Commission
Det. Ron Harris : Okay, Schuster. Oh, no handcuffs. You'll ride in the back with me. Try to act as if your just another one of the detectives in this squad.
Alan Schuster : How do I do that ?
Det. Ron Harris : Oh, just look at me with admiration and respect
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Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Hey, How you doing Barney? Hi, guys.
Capt. Barney Miller : Hey Chano, did you make the bust ?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Yeah, sure, made it nice and easy. Nothing to it. Got him with all the stuff.
Det. Phil Fish : Very good. Where's my money?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Uh... I ain't got it.
Yemana : You ain't got it. What do you mean, you ain't got it?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale , Det. Phil Fish : Quick--someone take my gun away .
Capt. Barney Miller : What happened ?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Barney, I walked into the place, right, met the contact, I gave him the money, he gave me the stuff. I pull out my piece and say "Okay,freeze, hands in the air." And all of a sudden from behind me, I hear someone else say "Freeze, hands in the air"
Det. Ron Harris : You got ripped-off ?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Yeah, by the FBI.
Capt. Barney Miller , Det. Phil Fish : FBI ?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Yeah, the FBI, you know the guys with the ties.They had their own bust going. What am I...?... going... They kept... They confiscated the money as evidence... .Well
Yemana : For crying out loud, I could have lost that money at the track myself. I didn't need your help.
Capt. Barney Miller : Alright... Alright... .Take it easy... Take it easy. We'll all get our money back
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : yeah
Capt. Barney Miller : In 5 or 6 months
Yemana : wait till wojo hears about it, he's not going to be happy about pulling through
Det. Ron Harris : You can give me a note for my tailor
Alan Schuster : Look, if you, uh... if you don't get the money back, I know a way to take it off your taxes
Capt. Barney Miller : Thanks Mr. Schuster, but no thanks
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Capt. Barney Miller : The Commission has expressed its gratitude to the Police Commissioner for his co-operation and their satisfaction with the outcome of the hearing
Det. Phil Fish : They got them all pretty good
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : What did Schuster get ?
Capt. Barney Miller : It doesn't say, but a cooperative witness, probably 1-10
Det. Ron Harris : With good behavior, he'll probably be out by the end of the fiscal year.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I fine, I fine, my stomach is good... I'm not sure about my wallet
Capt. Barney Miller : Your a lucky man
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah,Yeah, I guess so. The Doctor said I have a tolerance for Arsenic.
Det. Phil Fish : From what?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Fruits and Vegetables? Said there was enough Arsenic in there to kill a horse, but not a human being.
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Det. Phil Fish : Barney, the hospital just called.
Capt. Barney Miller : How's Wojo?
Det. Phil Fish : He's having his stomach pumped right now, but he's going to be fine.
Capt. Barney Miller : What did the lab find?
Det. Phil Fish : [grimly] The sandwiches were all laced with arsenic.