Barney Miller (TV Series)
Hair (1975)
Michael Lembeck: Detective Paul Gardeno
Quotes
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Detective Paul Gardeno : [after Barney asked him to shave off his large beard] Cute, ain't I? Clean cut. Charming. Now when I bust some punk in the street and I say, "Freeze! I'm a police officer", he's gonna look at me and laugh, and say "Ha ha ha, look at that kid". Then he'll pull out a piece and blow my keister off.
Barney Miller : Don't be ridiculous.
Detective Paul Gardeno : Freeze! I'm a police officer.
Yemana : Ha ha ha.
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Detective Paul Gardeno : I just wanna do my job. I don't wanna shave.
Barney Miller : What's the matter, you got a skin condition?
Detective Paul Gardeno : If necessary.
Barney Miller : And the earring?
Detective Paul Gardeno : I'm engaged.
Barney Miller : You go home, shave, put on a clean shirt, break your engagement, and report back to me.
Detective Paul Gardeno : What about my transfer?
Barney Miller : What the hell for? They'll just send you to somebody who's not nearly as sweet as I am.
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Yemana : That's the washroom
Detective Paul Gardeno : That explains the sign
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : We, uh, don't got any water, either. But, uh, I'll boil some, if you want to shave
Detective Paul Gardeno : I'm fine
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : You mean, you're going to stay that way ?
Detective Paul Gardeno : What way is that ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well, you know, uh... sloppy.
Detective Paul Gardeno : Does it bother you ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : No, it's just a matter of personal preference, I guess, You never been in the service, uh ?
Detective Paul Gardeno : Yeah, two years in Vietnam ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I guess, you didn't have time to change since you have been back ?
Det. Ron Harris : Hey man, Gardeno. You see, man , well, it's just that,, we take pride in the 1-2, so we dress clean we shave every morning, you know ?
Detective Paul Gardeno : Terrific
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Detective Paul Gardeno : Captain Miller, would you be offended, if I put in a transfer ?
Barney Miller : Probably, I'm a very sensitive man .
Detective Paul Gardeno : Look, this isn't my bag. I'm no good for busting Winos, picking up kids for stealing fruit.
Barney Miller : Arresting Jaywalkers ?
Detective Paul Gardeno : You know what I mean. I like narcotics and I like working alone.
Barney Miller : I know, I read your record.
Detective Paul Gardeno : I didn't ask to come here. I don't why I was transferred.
Barney Miller : Probably, the commissioner's way of saying, your still a member of the New York City Police Department, not the Green Hornet You know, they sent you to some little dull out-of-the-way precinct, to get you back to basic training, to remind you, your still part of a team.
Detective Paul Gardeno : Is that the way you figure it ?
Barney Miller : It's happened to guys.
Detective Paul Gardeno : Your team shaves, don't they ?
Barney Miller : That's the nature of a team, a team does the same things for the same reason. If you don't shave, we are all going to have to grow beards.
Detective Paul Gardeno : Are you telling me, I have have to lose the beard ?
Barney Miller : I'm telling you, while I respect an individual's right to self-expression, you more like a customer than a cop, there are rules and regulations.
Detective Paul Gardeno : Oh, come on with that jazz ? There just climbing up my back. You said so your self.
Barney Miller : So why fight it ? You're smarter than that ?
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Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : What's the address?... Okay, don't move in there we will be right over... .Right... Goodbye. Oh, boy, everybody's going bananas today. Here's a guy shooting at his wife, closes himself in the bathroom, and still got the gun with him
Barney Miller : Take Gardeno with you
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Come on Gardeno, let's go
Detective Paul Gardeno : You sure you want me to go with him.
Barney Miller : You can't hang around here waiting for your beard to grow.
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Barney Miller : Narcotics travels light , huh ?
Detective Paul Gardeno : Yeah... light
Barney Miller : Nick, get him a locker .
Detective Paul Gardeno : I don't need a locker
Barney Miller : Get him a locker anyway man need a place to be alone... We'll talk later