Barney Miller (TV Series)

Evacuation (1976)

Ron Glass: Det. Ron Harris

Quotes 

• Det. Ron Harris : Look, the man is talking about a national emergency, not local, uh, slap and tickle

• Det. Ron Harris : Hurricane Dottie heads toward New England

• Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Well, we're gonna have a hurricane and they're evacuating all the beach areas of Long Island

  Det. Ron Harris : It's no wonder man, with all that raw sewage, just hangin' around there off-shore.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : They're expecting 40 foot waves.

  Det. Ron Harris : Ooh-whee ! Talk about high-tide.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Harris, suppose all that stuff blew into the harbor and... and got all over Manhattan. That would be a disaster, wouldn't it ?

  Det. Ron Harris : Depends upon your point of view.

• Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : A big war, a nuclear war, and we had to evacuate the whole city

  Det. Ron Harris : Hey, come on, Wojo, there's not going to be anyway, man. I mean, it just doesn't make any sense economically, psychologically, or geographically

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Okay, it doesn't have to be a war, it could be an earthquake

  Det. Ron Harris : It's a pretty slim chance, man

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : But it's a chance, you know Harris, things have a way of happening, just all of a sudden, when... when you least expect it when you least expect it. Right, Fish ?

  Det. Phil Fish : Right !

• Officer Callahan : You think you got a future one minute, and the next thing you know, they drop one of those H-bombs on your head, and that's all she wrote. Damn it, I should have bought one of that cabin in Jersey.

  Capt. Barney Miller : I wouldn't worry about it Callahan? If we're ground zero, everything from here to Philadelphia goes

  Officer Callahan : How far has a guy got to go ?

  Det. Ron Harris : Detroit... .

  Officer Callahan : Really ?

  Det. Ron Harris : Yeah. That's why General Motors picked that place, man. They can't be risking all them cars.

• Capt. Barney Miller : Harris, I'm afraid we got a woman with a past

  Det. Ron Harris : I'll check her out, Barney.

• Capt. Barney Miller : What the hell is that ?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Uh, I guess Beckman fixed the siren.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Wonderful -- Just what we need at a time like this.

  Beckman : There, I fixed it ! Now, I can't turn it off !

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I only wanted to know if we had one !

  Capt. Barney Miller : All right ! All right ! Go find the master switch and kill it, so you don't panic the whole precinct !

  Beckman : I hope your satisfied !

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, it's just rules and regulations !

  Capt. Barney Miller : Listen, get on the phone with dispatch. Have them send some patrol cars around the neighborhood with bullhorns telling everybody its a false alarm

  Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : I hope your right

  Capt. Barney Miller : Creevey, there's no work ! The city has no money ! Will you get out of here !

  Det. Ron Harris : Inspector ?

  Inspector Frank Luger : Yes

  Det. Ron Harris : It's the commissioner , it's for you.

  Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Barney ? it's Manhattan South, they say our siren isn't suppose to be on

  Capt. Barney Miller : Tell them "No Kidding"

  Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : No Kidding !

  Capt. Barney Miller : Hello , Hello. This is Captain Miller here, yeah, what ? Yes, I'm fully aware of that. It was unintentional.

  Inspector Frank Luger : Well, why is the siren going on Barney ?

  Capt. Barney Miller : Unintentional

  Inspector Frank Luger : Unintentional, Commissioner.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Look at it as an unscheduled test. All right. Relax. Relax. Take it easy. Well, you know, there are 11 million people in this city and if something did go wrong there is no way of getting them out are you aware of that ?

  Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah, well we have heard rumors, sir. Huh ? biggies. Yeah. Unfounded. There all unfounded. Thank you, sir.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Look it up in your grey book ! Grey book !

  Inspector Frank Luger : Panic ? In the City ? Oh, at City Hall . Oh, they all left , huh ? Where they go ? Well, you think you can get them back to us? I -- I certainly hope so, too. Yes, sir. Goodbye

  Capt. Barney Miller : Well, get one and read it and learn something !

  Inspector Frank Luger : Barney, take it easy. It was all talk. It was just loose talk

  Capt. Barney Miller : Sure, this time but someday !

  Det. Ron Harris : No sir, don't pay any attention to it. It was a false alarm. Right !

  Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : Believe me, there's no trouble it was a mistake. The siren went on and we can't turn it off.

  Det. Ron Harris : Sorry ma'am . It was a mistake , Please try to overlook it, okay

  Capt. Barney Miller : Twelfth Precinct, Captain Miller speaking...

  Inspector Frank Luger : Oh and listen Barney...

  Capt. Barney Miller : Hold on, please

  Inspector Frank Luger : What I said about me and the cashier over in Bensonhurst-- you know , there's nothing to that. It's unfounded, Barney. It's all unfounded. Keep it under your hat, will you ? Don't say anything about it

  Capt. Barney Miller : No Problem.

  Inspector Frank Luger : Right. Good, Barn. Thanks. I'll see you around boys.

• Det. Phil Fish : I'm not going to take you anywhere on Saturday. I'm going to stay home and watch the ball game. Because I had a tough week and I had a crazy woman on my hands yesterday

  Det. Ron Harris : Twelfth precinct, Harris... Uh, sure, yes, h--hang on a minute... Fish... line 2, it's Bernice

  Det. Phil Fish : Hang on, Jilly. Hello, Bernice. Yeah? No, I don't want to go. I'm going to stay in in bed. Because I had a tough week and I had a crazy woman on my hands yesterday

• Capt. Barney Miller : Okay, whose got duty this week.

  Det. Ron Harris : Everybody but Dietrich, uh, he's in court. Wojo's going to Manhattan South to be Public Information Officer for four days starting tomorrow

• Det. Ron Harris : Uh, Barney, I checked with the children's center. She does have priors

  Capt. Barney Miller : On probation, huh ?

  Det. Ron Harris : She's a ward of the court. She lives in what they call a group home

  Capt. Barney Miller : Fish. Her parents dead ?

  Det. Phil Fish : Her father is in Elmira

  Det. Ron Harris : Yeah, five to life. The last time her mother was heard from, she was living in San Diego going steady with an aircraft carrier

  Capt. Barney Miller : Who runs the home ?

  Det. Ron Harris : House Parents. You know, the city pays adults to live in with the kids

  Det. Phil Fish : Some people will do anything for money

  Capt. Barney Miller : Ah, see if you can get anybody on the phone

  Det. Ron Harris : I tried Barney, there's no answer

  Capt. Barney Miller : All right, keep trying. Fish, you take the kid and check the place out

  Det. Phil Fish : Yeah. Okay, kid we're gonna take a ride

  Jilly Papalardo : Where are we going ?

  Det. Phil Fish : Your house

  Jilly Papalardo : What for ? Your not going to like it.

  Det. Phil Fish : Don't worry about it. I don't like much anyway