Arrested Development (TV Series)

Pilot (2003)

Jason Bateman: Michael Bluth

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Sr. : [explaining why he left the company to Lucille]  They cannot arrested a husband and wife for the same crime.

  Michael : Yeah, I don't think that that's true, Dad.

  George Sr. : Really?

  Michael : [nods] 

  George Sr. : [whispering]  I got the worst fucking attorneys.

• Lindsay Funke : You know, Michael, Dad did name Mom as his successor.

  Lucille Bluth : And I'm putting Buster in charge.

  Michael Bluth : Buster? You mean, the one who thought the blue on the map was land?

• Michael Bluth : So this is the magic trick, huh?

  George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth : Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money...

  [sees children watching his magic] 

  George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth : ...or cocaine!

• Michael Bluth : [after George Sr. has been handed a jail sentence]  They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out.

  [silence amongst the family] 

  Michael Bluth : Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen...

  [everyone gasps] 

  Michael Bluth : ...Interesting. I would have expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail."

• Michael Bluth : What have we always said is the most important thing?

  George Michael Bluth : Breakfast

  Michael Bluth : Family

  George Michael Bluth : Oh, right. Family. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

• George Michael Bluth : Well I'd rather live like this than be like my aunts and uncles whose eyes have never stung from the sweet sweat of a hard days work.

  Michael : Whoa, whoa, whoa, where you getting all that?

  George Michael Bluth : From you, you say it every couple of years when they come out to visit.

  Michael : Well you're right, they are spoiled.

• Narrator : On the next "Arrested Development", Michael finds it difficult to get his father out of prison.

  Michael : You LOVE IT here?

  George Sr. : I'm having the time of my life! Hey, T-Bone.

  [high-fives another prisoner] 

• Michael Bluth : What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?

  George-Michael Bluth : Breakfast.

  Michael Bluth : Family.

  George-Michael Bluth : Family, right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

• Lucille Bluth : Look what they've done, Michael! Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

  Michael Bluth : You can't just comb that out and reset it?

• Narrator : Michael had not spoken to his father since the arrest. So he decided to give his father the courtesy of a formal resignation.

  Michael : I quit.

  George Sr. : Probably a good career move.

• Michael : [as Michael is giving the lecture, Buster's drum playing gets louder]  But starting tomorrow there is going to be a new boss in town. You are all going to feel the effects as... BUSTER!

  [Buster stops playing] 

  Michael : You cant do that on the balcony, buddy?

• [GOB tells Michael he's bought a boat called "The Seaward"; Lucille is just arriving] 

  Michael Bluth : Get rid of the Seaward.

  Lucille Bluth : I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

• Gob : You know, I sorta thought my contribution... could be a magic show!

  Michael : Hey, that's great! That's perfect, Gob! Oh, wait, I just remembered, Dad's retiring, not turning six.