- Andy: Okay, smart guy. Jackie says she wants to celebrate our differences.
- Byron: That sounds good.
- Andy: But you said that we're not supposed to see our differences.
- Byron: We really shouldn't.
- Andy: How are we supposed to celebrate them if we can't see them?
- Byron: Well, I guess you're just going to have to ignore as well as celebrate what makes Jackie exactly the same and completely different from everyone else.
- Byron: All I know is, I hate racists. I hate everything about them, their music, their food, their so-called religion, the way their men are so skinny, and their wives are all so fat, but mostly, I hate the way they judge people based on tired stereotypes.
- Jessica Green: All of these resumes are impressive.
- Andy Richter: You know, eh, Ted has five years experience and he's been black his whole live, which has not been easy in such a racist society.
- Wendy McKay: My candidate's a woman from Saudi Arabia. She watched as her mother was stoned to death for driving a car. A bumper car.
- Byron Togler: You know, I know that we're trying to do a good thing, but I think that it's terrible putting people in racial catagories like this.
- Andy Richter: Let me guess, your guy is white?
- Byron Togler: No. My blind guy is white.
- Keith Richards: I found a one armed, gay, native American little person.
- Wendy McKay: Are you kidding me?
- Keith Richards: Unfortunately he wasn't a technical writer. He just wanted to meet another one armed, gay, native American little person. Anybody knows anybody?
- Andy Richter: Ted! What are you doing here?
- Ted Swathmore: I got the job Andy, on your recommendation. Thanks a lot, pal!
- Andy Richter: Really, that's fantastic! Well, what happened to Wendy's woman?
- Jessica Green: Apparently she went back to Saudi Arabia and was stoned to death for having luggage with wheels.
- Byron Togler: Okay, that country has way too many rocks lying around.
- Keith Richards: Hey, honey.
- Wendy McKay: [unusually deep voice] Good morning, Keith.
- Keith Richards: Are you okay?
- Wendy McKay: Oh, I'm fine. I'm participating in a drug study for Pickering's pharmaceutical division. They're paying me three grand to use this antihistamine for six weeks which apparently turns people into Demi Moore.
- Keith Richards: You're testing drugs? Well I gotta tell you sweety, I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean is it safe? Are there any other side effects?
- Wendy McKay: My breasts are larger and I have an increased libido.
- Keith Richards: Well, if you really need the money...
- Lori: Eh, Andy, I, I have an extra ticket to see Riverdance this weekend. You know, that really exciting dancing where they're dead from the waist up?
- Andy Richter: The only way I'd go see Riverdance is if they were actually dancing in a river.
- Jackie: Andy?
- Andy Richter: Yeah?
- Jackie: What's your favorite color, bird, state, Olson twin and green leavy vegetable?
- Andy Richter: Blue, swan, Hawaii, Ashley, Swiss Char.
- Jackie: That's my favorite color, bird, state, Olson twin and green leavy vegetable too! Gosh, nobody ever says Swiss Char.
- Andy Richter: We did.