Andy Richter: Andy Richter

Quotes 

• Andy : Hey, I didn't see any coffee.

  Jessica : [throws the hot coffee in his face]  See it now?

  [Andy screams in pain] 

  Jessica : It's working, you're suddenly more sensitive!

• Jessica : Since this place is already packed with white guys, I think they're going to hire... what's the politically correct term?

  Andy : Another white guy?

• Andy : Life was great... until it immediately turned to crap.

• Andy : Okay, smart guy. Jackie says she wants to celebrate our differences.

  Byron : That sounds good.

  Andy : But you said that we're not supposed to see our differences.

  Byron : We really shouldn't.

  Andy : How are we supposed to celebrate them if we can't see them?

  Byron : Well, I guess you're just going to have to ignore as well as celebrate what makes Jackie exactly the same and completely different from everyone else.

• Jessica Green : All of these resumes are impressive.

  Andy Richter : You know, eh, Ted has five years experience and he's been black his whole live, which has not been easy in such a racist society.

  Wendy McKay : My candidate's a woman from Saudi Arabia. She watched as her mother was stoned to death for driving a car. A bumper car.

  Byron Togler : You know, I know that we're trying to do a good thing, but I think that it's terrible putting people in racial catagories like this.

  Andy Richter : Let me guess, your guy is white?

  Byron Togler : No. My blind guy is white.

  Keith Richards : I found a one armed, gay, native American little person.

  Wendy McKay : Are you kidding me?

  Keith Richards : Unfortunately he wasn't a technical writer. He just wanted to meet another one armed, gay, native American little person. Anybody knows anybody?

• Andy Richter : Ted! What are you doing here?

  Ted Swathmore : I got the job Andy, on your recommendation. Thanks a lot, pal!

  Andy Richter : Really, that's fantastic! Well, what happened to Wendy's woman?

  Jessica Green : Apparently she went back to Saudi Arabia and was stoned to death for having luggage with wheels.

  Byron Togler : Okay, that country has way too many rocks lying around.

• Lori : Eh, Andy, I, I have an extra ticket to see Riverdance this weekend. You know, that really exciting dancing where they're dead from the waist up?

  Andy Richter : The only way I'd go see Riverdance is if they were actually dancing in a river.

• Jackie : Andy?

  Andy Richter : Yeah?

  Jackie : What's your favorite color, bird, state, Olson twin and green leavy vegetable?

  Andy Richter : Blue, swan, Hawaii, Ashley, Swiss Char.

  Jackie : That's my favorite color, bird, state, Olson twin and green leavy vegetable too! Gosh, nobody ever says Swiss Char.

  Andy Richter : We did.