Don Knotts en el papel de...
Barney Fife
- Deputy Barney Fife: [reading] "There once was a deputy called Fife, who carried a gun and a knife. The gun was all dusty, the knife was all rusty, 'cause he never caught a crook in his life."
- Deputy Barney Fife: [about the limerick] It makes out like I-I-I never wanted to catch crooks - and that just ain't so. I'd catch 'em in a minute, but how'm I gonna catch 'em if there ain't any, for heaven's sake? If only somebody would just commit a crime - one good crime! If only somebody'd just... kill somebody.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: [shocked] Barney!
- Deputy Barney Fife: Oh, I don't mean anybody we know.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Now, you can't be serious about resignin'. What in the world will you do?
- Deputy Barney Fife: Oh, I-I don't know. I could go up to the pickle factory. They always need a brine tester.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Uh, Opie, Barney says there was a poem written on the wall of the bank and that you was standin' along beside of it with a piece of chalk in your hand.
- Opie Taylor: Yeah, but I didn't do it, pa. Honest.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: I believe you.
- Deputy Barney Fife: [angrily] Are you pittin' your crime detectin' judgement against mine?
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, Barney, I have to, because, for one thing, Opie wouldn't lie to me.
- Deputy Barney Fife: You call that evidence?
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: And for another, he ain't learned how to write yet.