The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)
A Plaque for Mayberry (1961)
Don Knotts: Barney Fife
Photos
Quotes
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Andy Taylor : Well, Barney, I believe a sobriety test is given to a prisoner when you first bring him in. Now, you ought to have done that to Otis last night.
Barney Fife : Aw, Andy, you know we couldn't have given a sobriety test to Otis last night.
Andy Taylor : Well, why not?
Barney Fife : He was too drunk.
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Barney Fife : You s'pose we ought to put a plaque in that cell there? "Otis Campbell slept here"?
Andy Taylor : "Slept it off here"'d be more like it.
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Barney Fife : Now, I'm gonna test your reactions and your reflexes.
Otis Campbell : This jail's gettin' to be as bad as home!
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Barney Fife : I can just see Otis showin' up for that plaque, now.
Barney Fife : [acting drunk] "Where's m' plaque? Gimme m' plaque!" Then he'll stagger up to that Mrs. Wicks and he'll say, "How about a little drink, baby?"
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Barney Fife : We're gettin' the real thing. Otis Campbell himself.
Mayor Pike : What?
Barney Fife : The hundred-percent Otis Campbell. Or should I say "hundred-proof"?
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Mayor Pike : I specifically asked you to get us a substitute for him, but you didn't! You got *him*.
Andy Taylor : You did and I didn't, but I did.
Mayor Pike : How could you do it?
Barney Fife : Well, he did!
Mayor Pike : You didn't!
Andy Taylor : I did!
Mayor Pike : How?
Andy Taylor : I just did.
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Barney Fife : Now, this is a chart of Nathan Tibbs' family tree.
Andy Taylor : Where'd you get this?
Barney Fife : Over at the library.
Andy Taylor : You mean, this whole thing was in the library?
Barney Fife : Well, not the whole thing. Just the start of it. The rest I deduced.
Andy Taylor : Oh, you deduced?
Barney Fife : Yeah. It deduces right out to me. Me, Barney Fife. I almost started to cry right in the library.