The Addams Family (TV Series)

The Winning of Morticia Addams (1965)

Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Uncle Fester : [watching François limber up for the duel]  He'll enjoy killing Gomez.

  Morticia Addams : But Gomez wouldn't enjoy it.

• Uncle Fester : Now, all in favor of making Morticia and Gomez miserable - for their own good - raise their hands.

• [Gomez challenges François to a duel; François accepts] 

  Uncle Fester : [to Gomez]  This is all wrong. You were supposed to sock Morticia.

• Uncle Fester : [reading a magazine article]  This fella says that "married couples who seem ideally mated and perfectly attuned are really miserable, emotional messes underneath."

  Morticia Addams : [continuing to gaze lovingly into Gomez's eyes]  The poor things.

• Uncle Fester : [spotting Gomez' spear piercing a pipe]  Ah-ha! You had a fight. Congratulations!

  Morticia Addams : Nonsense, Uncle Fester. We've never been happier.

  Uncle Fester : [with deepest sympathies]  You poor, misguided soul.

• Uncle Fester : How can I have soothed nerves when tragedy is about to strike someone very near and dear to us.

  Grandmama Addams : The octopus?

  Lurch : The moose?

  Uncle Fester : Morticia and Gomez.

• [the president of the Zen Yogi Society phones to remind Gomez of his dues, giving Uncle Fester an idea] 

  Uncle Fester : There aren't going to be any dues. Not this month or any month from now on. Mrs. Addams talked her husband into quittin' your phony society. She says zen yogi is a fake! Yeah, she put 'im wise to you, Quack!

  [Fester hangs up] 

  Grandmama Addams : Gomez will have a fit. He loves zen yogi.

  Uncle Fester : Heh, exactly! And if he doesn't give Morticia a whack or two, how else is he gonna prove his undying love?

• Uncle Fester : [to Dr. Chalon]  Five marriages! You must really understand women.

• Uncle Fester : I dreamed that you killed Chalon and the police came and took you away. And, Gomez - you're my favorite nephew - I just couldn't bear it. Please, you gotta call off that duel.

  Gomez Addams : Don't be absurd. If the police come, I'll face them - with shoulders back, head high - and say, "It was an accident."

• Dr. Francis Chalon : Cowards only talk bravely.

  Uncle Fester : Oh, that's true, but Gomez has other good qualities.