The Addams Family (TV Series)

Portrait of Gomez (1965)

Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Morticia Addams : [reporting on Gomez]  He's taking his written test.

  Uncle Fester : Good. Then he'll never get to the driver's test.

• Gomez Addams : [to the Strife photographer]  Strife Magazine has been one of our favorites.

  Morticia Addams : We simply devour it from cover to cover.

  Uncle Fester Frump : Aw, it's delicious.

• Morticia Addams : Darling... I've hired a private detective to find your favorite photographer... just haven't heard from him yet.

  Uncle Fester : Well maybe you you oughta hire a private detective to find the private detective you hired?

• Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, how 'bout you? Would you like another little dab of lanolin?

  Uncle Fester : Ah, no, thanks. I like it but it gives me heartburn.

  Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, the last time we moonbathed you ate the goose grease, this time the lanolin.

  Uncle Fester : Well, what'd you expect me to do with it, smear it all over my face?

• [Gomez has never been able to drive] 

  Gomez Addams : True, but there's very little I don't know about the modern horseless carriage.

  Uncle Fester : Except how to shift gears.

  Morticia Addams : And steer.

  Uncle Fester : Yeah, and, uh, put on the breaks.

  Gomez Addams : Well, those things do give me a little trouble.

  Uncle Fester : A little trouble! Remember the Blue Falconberg we had?

  Gomez Addams : Heh-heh, Big Blue! Ho-ho, nothing could stop that car. Scorching desert. Snow-covered mountains. She could go anywhere!

  Morticia Addams : Except between two streetcars.