- Dr. Mary Albright: [to Don, about getting mugged] Should I fill out a report?
- Officer Don: Aw, what's the point?
- [realizes what he's said]
- Officer Don: I mean, yeah, sure!
- [backstage, before their magic act]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: How's the house tonight?
- Sally Solomon: Maybe you should look through the curtain.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Garlic for lunch. How considerate.
- Sally Solomon: Well, I suppose you skipped lunch so you could chew the scenery.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Show-biz lingo. Did you find that in your "How to Perform on Stage" book? Because maybe you should start with the chapter entitled "How to Perform on Stage".
- Sally Solomon: That's sweet. Maybe you should start with the chapter entitled, "Don't do card tricks if they're gonna reflect off your big, sweaty forehead."
- Mr. Spurndle: [voice from onstage, beginning the show] And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Dick and Sally - the Solomonellas.