Who I Am and What I Want (2005)

Kevin Eldon: Pete

Quotes 

• Pete : I don't want to live with a herd of twats who are going to make me wear clothes and eat with a knife and fork.

• Pete : I want to be water-soluble so that when I go water ski-ing and fall off I will dissolve before the sharks can eat me.

• Pete : Everyone around here knows me.

  [shouts to golden nugget bar's bouncer] 

  Bouncer : Fuck Off!

  Pete : I'm not allowed in The Golden Nugget... not anymore. I don't know why I'm not allowed in there. I can't remember having done anything.

• Pete : What's underneath?

  God : People with no eyes and the flesh like that of a worm.

  Pete : Oh, God. What should I do?

  God : Dig them up and try to reason with them.