Samoan Wedding (2006)

Nathaniel Lees: Minister

Quotes 

• [the guys propose to the Pastor to bring girls to the wedding] 

  Albert : It's so we're different people when these girls around. Even Sefa behaves when Leilani is with him, that's why he never takes her anywhere. Sione's like a little brother to us.

  Michael : Especially me, sir.

  Stanley : They're related.

  Albert : And this is the last wedding we'd want to ruin.

  Michael : Right, Sione?

  [Sione shrugs] 

  Minister : Not just dates, not some girl foolish enough to say yes to a night out and free food. You must bring girlfriends.

  Albert : Girlfriends?

  Stanley : But Your Majesty, Albert hasn't had a girlfriend in 30 years!

  Albert : Good one, Stanley.

  Minister : Someone to whom you've made a commitment.

  Michael : Commitment?

  Minister : Commitment? Girlfriend? Other words you don't understand, huh?... You must find someone who sees the good in you. Bring her to my church on the day of Sione's wedding. Turn up alone, and Eugene will be more than happy to toss you into the street!

• [At Sione's house, the Pastor calls in Sefa and the gang] 

  Minister : We have a problem. As a shepherd of the Lord charged with watching over our little community, I have officiated at many happy occasions. Celebrations of love, togetherness, peace and harmony... and there are weddings you four have attended. Shall we watch some?

  [starts putting in videotapes] 

  Minister : Tavita's wedding...

  [Footage shows Tavita and his bride being given the send-off by the guests. The couple open the limousine to find Michael having sex with a bridesmaid. Michael scrambles to get out of the car and escape with Tavita chasing him] 

  Minister : And Albert, don't think anyone has forgotten Iakopo's wedding...

  [Footage shows Albert joining the bride's siva dance. He picks up the bride, and suddenly drops her on her head] 

  Minister : Sefa, don't think anyone has forgotten Mose's wedding...

  [Footage shows Mose and his bride are ready to cut the groom's wedding cake, when a drunk Sefa stands up and collapses on the bride's cake] 

  Minister : And just last night, your crowning glory. Eugene's wedding.

  [Footage shows the wedding hall on fire, thanks to Stanley] 

  Minister : Shame and heartache, because of FOUR IMMATURE FOOLS! My flock have commanded to me, and that is why my decree, is this: at Sione's wedding, all of you are banned. Our meeting is over.