Mock the Week (2005–2022)

Frankie Boyle: Self

Quotes 

• Frankie Boyle : Our only hope is that the enemy kills so many of us that they become slightly depressed.

• Frankie Boyle : I would have loved to have a gay dad. Do you remember at school, there were always kids saying "My dad's bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!" "So what? My dad will shag your dad. And your dad will enjoy it."

• Frankie Boyle : Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

• Frankie Boyle : [If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months]  What is Stephen Hawking's personal best for the London marathon?

• Frankie Boyle : [In scenes we'd like to see: what a television announcer is unlikely to say]  The following episode of Songs of Praise contains strong language and scenes of a sexual nature.

• Frankie Boyle : I've just completed my life's ambition of climbing Everest with no equipment. NOW DO YOU LOVE ME, DADDY?

• Frankie Boyle : Sorry, Poirot, but Brexit means Brexit!

• Frankie Boyle : Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!

• Frankie Boyle : [If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months]  How long is a Scottish winter?

• Frankie Boyle : The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.