Mock the Week (2005–2022)

Milton Jones: Self

Quotes 

• Milton Jones : Easiest job in the World, Australian Psychiatrist: "G'day, g'day, how ya doin'? No worries, seeya!"

• Milton Jones : Have you noticed that if you Google "Lost Medieval Servant Boy", it says "This Page cannot be found"?

• Milton Jones : I live in a Grade 2 listed Building, which means everyone has to be quite good at the piano. In China apparently everyone learning the piano knows this tune called Knife and Fork...

• Milton Jones : In 1724 Sir Tim Montague had the idea for the Post-It note, but he didn't have anywhere to write it down.

• Milton Jones : My other grandfather had a little silver plaque on his forehead with the date of when a Park Bench died on it.

• Milton Jones : After years of alcoholism the little girl emigrated. And that was the tale of Alice in Sunderland.

• Milton Jones : You're arresting me for playing Chess in the road? It's because I'm Black, isn't it!

• Milton Jones : Anyone can cook this! You can't Beatrice! Sorry, You can't Beat Rice!

  Ed Byrne : Ha! Shall we all go home?

• Milton Jones : My favourite film is the French film "And". Or "ET" when it was released over here.

• Milton Jones : I'd like to take the band ABBA out to dinner, and if I could I would my friend, for Nandos.

• Milton Jones : [Alien Ears Gesture]  Ambassador Thrull, are you seriously telling me that War has broken out because you were going to the shops and someone said "Get me a Galaxy"?

• Milton Jones : My last girlfriend left me at the Altar. Not into Animal Sacrifice, apparently...