James Snyder credited as playing...
Malcolm
- Malcolm: I am convinced he's hiding something.
- Principal Gold: Oh, nonsense, Malcolm. He may be a little lost and confused, but deep down he's an all-american, red-blooded male, just like yourself.
- Viola: [walking by, dressed as Sebastian, while on the phone] Mom, I will pick out my own dress. And no, I will not wear high heels. Because heels are a male invention designed to make women's butts look smaller... and to make it harder for them to runaway.
- Principal Gold: Malcolm, have you ever tried to run away in high heels?
- Malcolm: No, sir, I...
- Principal Gold: Not that easy. Not that easy...
- Viola: [as Sebastian] I gotta be completely honest. The whole dissecting thing kinda freaks me out, so uh... I think you may have to take the reins on this one.
- Olivia: Wow, most guys would have never admit that.
- Viola: Oh crap! You're right.
- Olivia: No, don't worry I think it's refreshing.
- Viola: You do?
- Malcolm: [interupts] No paper near the bunsen burner.
- Viola: Wait!
- Olivia: What's this? Poems?
- Viola: Lyrics. They're his... my, my old stuff.
- Olivia: [reading] "Wake up I've been waiting for you".
- [Finishes]
- Olivia: Those are really good. So honest.
- Viola: I know. I keep telling him... me... meself... my... myself.
- Malcolm: I write songs too, Olivia.
- Olivia: Really? Wonderful.
- Malcolm: Check it out.
- [sings]
- Malcolm: I see you through your window, while I'm standing on a tree outside
- Viola: I get to take a shower. I get to take a shower.
- Malcolm: [startled gasp then realizes he forgot to introduce himself] Malcolm Festes, Dorm Director. Shower shoes are to be worn in the bathroom at all times except when in the actual shower... Did you not read your "Dorm Life" pamphlet? It was in your cubby.
- [Duke walks in and hits Malcolm behind the head with a towel. Malcolm emits a high-pitched squeal]
- Viola: Sup dog?
- Duke: Yeah, what's kickin', homie?
- Viola: Later.
- Duke: Hey, you forgot, ew...
- [holding up Viola's chest bandage]
- Duke: This, coolio.
- Viola: Word, g-money.
- Malcolm: [into the megaphone he grabbed from Principal Gold; to the crowd] Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to say "I told you so" but I just...
- [Principal Gold drags him off the field]
- Principal Gold: [shouting through his megaphone directly into Malcom's ear] Malcolm! Can you shed some light on the current situation?
- Malcolm: [also embarassed] No more than has already been shed, sir.