Stella (TV Series 2005) Poster

(2005)

Michael Ian Black: Michael

Photos 

Quotes 

  • Michael : The global business climate is like... whatever, dude.

  • Michael : [giving his speech to the Residence Board]  B, beautiful this building is very beautiful.

    Michael : U, and you... and you... all of you who live in this beautiful building.

    Michael : I, Intelligent, because I'm really, really intelligent.

    Michael : L, Love. I love this building

    Michael : D, I think there should be a disco ball in the lounge...

  • Michael : I take my coffee like I take my women... strong... black... and proud.

  • Michael : Think of all the great things that have come out of this country!

    Michael : Rugby.

    David : Chicken Tikka Masala.

    Michael : Chinese People.

    Michael : Ass.

    David : Harry Potter.

    Michael : Rubber balls and liquor.

    Michael : Then I say something.

  • David : It was Mr. Mueller, the landlord.

    Michael : He is such a Nazi.

    Michael : Michael, not all Germans are Nazis.

    Michael : That's not my understanding.

  • [repeated line] 

    David , Michael , Michael : That is too funny!

  • David : How's the soup, Michael?

    Michael : It's good.

    David : You won't be saying that after I kill you!

  • David : Hey, Mike, it's David. Weren't those guys at the party really mean?

    Michael : What, who is this? I don't know any Davids!

    David : David Wain?

    Michael : Oh... yeah

  • Michael : [after finding out they are bankrupt]  You know what I'm thinking... Maybe throwing money out of the limo wasn't such a good idea.

  • Michael : Wow, this is really fun, Mountain Man.

    Mountain Man : Nature is fun.

    David : Like boobs?

    Mountain Man : But it can also be dangerous.

    Michael : Like fire boobs?

  • Michael : Dude, if you don't start making sense right now, I'm taking out my wiener and I'm going to slap you down with it!

  • Michael : I just want to curl up in a ball and die.

    Michael : I feel the same way.

    Michael : You're bummed out, right?

    Michael : No, I want you to curl up in a ball and die.

  • Michael : Where are we?

    Michael : Are we in heaven?

    David : Check to see if there's Godiva chocolates nearby. If there are, then yes, we're in heaven.

  • Michael : You know when Bob Dylan said "I have a dream"?

  • Michael : David, do you still have that friend that makes fake moustaches?

    David : Gary Meadows? Sure. But why?

    Michael : Trust me. Just trust me.

  • CO-OP Board Member : Excuse me, boys, but why are you dressed as skunks?

    Michael : Not skunks... skunk people!

  • Richard : How about some sugar for my coffee?

    Michael : How about I'm not your bitch.

  • David : And what about Madonna, is she like a virgin or is she the material girl? I mean this girl's had more re-inventions than Thomas Edison.

    Michael : She's had more boyfriends than Madonna!

    Michael : I like English muffins.

    David : Totally.

  • Greg : Woah, woah, woah... sorry, guys... employees only.

    David : We are employees!

    Michael : Yeah! We're from the... Houston office.

    Greg : Houston?

    Michael : [in Canadian accent]  That's aboot right, eh?

    Ansel : I didn't know we had an office in Houston.

    Michael : [in Canadian accent]  Yeah, we play hockey there... with... the prime minister.

    Michael : [in Canadian accent]  ... Pierre Trudeau...

    Ansel : If you guys are from Houston, why do you have Canadian accents?

    David : [in Canadian accent]  Take off you hosers!

    Michael , Michael : Yeah!

  • Michael : Hey, guys, check it out. They got brass knuckles.

    Michael : And numchucks.

    David : Sweeeeet.

  • Michael : [looking at Michael and David in strange outfits]  Why are you guys dressed like that?

    Michael : [in a rain poncho]  Well, *I'm* dressed for rain.

    David : [in mountain climbing gear]  And *I'm* dressed for snow.

    Michael : [in a swimsuit]  Hey! I'm also wearing a hilarious outfit! Didn't anyone check the weather in the paper this morning?

  • Michael : I know there's something out there, but I don't know if I wanna call it "God."

    Michael : Okay, 'cause like, I believe in God...

    Michael : Right.

    Michael : ...but I don't know that I think God is some guy on a throne with a long white beard.

    Michael : Right. Like to me, God is, like, it could be anything. It could be like...

    Michael : Literally, it could be this table.

    Michael : It could be - totally be this table. It *is* the table.

    Michael : It's like I'm spiritual, but I'm not religious. Do you understand?

    Michael : I totally...

    Michael : It's like I can get off spiritually with the sunlight through trees.

    Michael : Oh, my God...

  • David : Oh, my God! You just shot the mountain man!

    Michael : I thought it was a turkey, I swear to God!

    Michael : What are we gonna do?

    David : Call Marcus.

    Michael : Yeah, call Marcus.

    Michael : Who's Marcus?

    Michael : I don't know, I don't know!

    Michael : Hey guys, he's still alive!

    Michael : [Michael Ian Black shoots Mountain Man]  Why did you do that!

    Michael : It was either him or us, Mike!

    Michael : What are you talking about?

    David : You guys, we have to call the cops!

    Michael : No cops, Dave... not on this one!

    David : What are you talking about? We have to call the cops!

    Michael : [points gun at David]  I said no cops!

    Michael : Hey, don't do anything stupid, Mikey

    [points gun at Michael Ian Black] 

    David : Put the gun down, Mike!

    [points gun at Showalter] 

    Michael : Why are you pointing the gun at me, David? I am trying to help you!

    David : I know? it's weird.

    Michael : Put it down... Put it down... Put the gun down.

    David : Come on! Put the gun down now, Guy, you put it down!

    Michael : 2? 3? Now, what are we gonna do?

    [all three throw guns down] 

    David : Without the Mountain Man we are totally lost!

    Michael : How are we going to survive? We're stuck in these woods with nothing to eat!

    Michael : [looks at Mountain Man's dead body]  I have an idea...

  • Michael : If you guys don't stop talking about the boogie boards, I'm gonna run this car off the road!

    David & Michael : Do it!

    Michael : I will!

    David & Michael : Do it!

    Michael : Fine!

    [Swerves off a cliff] 

  • Old Woman : Everybody make a wish, now.

    Michael : I wish we had our apartment back.

    Michael : I wish we had our apartment back.

    David : I wish I was dry-humping Maggie.

  • Michael : Oh, God, this rat race is killing me. I'm so exhausted.

    David : I know. I can barely keep my eyes open.

    Michael : I can barely keep my pee hole open.

    Michael : My urethra shut down at 4 o'clock today. That's how tired I am.

  • Michael : I'm cold.

    Michael : I'm hungry.

    David : I'm David.

    [makes fart noise] 

  • Michael : David went to Julliard, Michael.

    Michael : I don't care where he went!

    Michael : He's a classical violinist.

    David : And I'm a classical pianist!

    Michael : You're a classical dick, is what you are.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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