Seth Rogen: Mantis

Kung Fu Panda

Mantis

[Po slurps up noodles, one ends up draped on his nose like Shifu's mustaches. Everyone starts chuckling]
Po: What?
Mantis: Oh, nothing... Master Shifu.
Po: Oh, yeah, yeah.
[imitating Shifu]
Po: You will never be the Dragon Warrior, unless you lose 500 pounds, and brush your teeth!
[everyone except Tigress laughs]
Po: What is that noise you're making? Laughter? I never heard of it! Work hard, panda, and maybe someday, you will have ears like mine.
[he holds two bowls over his head to look like Shifu's ears]

Tigress: Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before... or since. And now, he has a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior. And he's stuck with you. A big, fat, panda, who treats it like a joke.
[Po makes a sudden funny face]
Tigress: Oh that is it!
[she lunges at Po]
Mantis: Wait, my fault! I accidentally tweaked his facial nerve!
[Po falls to the ground revealing a lot of needles in his back]
Mantis: And may... have also stopped his heart.

Tigress: [seeing Po bounce down the palace steps] If he's smart, he won't come back up those steps.
Monkey: But, he will.
Viper: He's not gonna quit, is he?
Mantis: He's not gonna quit bouncing, I'll tell you that.

Po: [dazed] What are you pointing at? Oh! Okay. Sorry, I just wanted to see who the Dragon Warrior was.
Oogway: How interesting.
Tigress: Master, are you pointing at... me?
Oogway: Him.
Po: Who?
[Moves around, Oogway's finger follows him]
Oogway: You.
Po: What?
Oogway: [Raising Po's arm with his stick] The universe has brought us the Dragon Warrior!
Po: What?
Tigress, Crane, Monkey, Mantis, Viper: What?
Shifu: WHAT?
Mr. Ping: WHAT?

Po: Ow! I thought you said acupuncture would make me feel *better*!
Mantis: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy finding the right nerve points under all this...
Po: Fat?
Mantis: Fur! I was gonna say fur.
Po: Sure you were.
Mantis: Who am I to judge a warrior based on his size, I mean, look at me!

Mantis: There's no words.
Crane: Not denying it.
Viper: I don't understand what Master Oogway was thinking. The poor guy's just gonna get himself killed.
Crane: [mocking Po's lack of skills; sarcastically] He is *so* mighty! The Dragon Warrior fell out of the sky on a ball of fire!
Mantis: When he walks, the very ground shakes.

Po: [making dinner for The Furious Five] So, I'm like "Fine. You may be a wolf. You may be the scariest bandit in the Hajin Province, but you're a lousy tipper!"
Crane: Really, so how'd you get out of there alive?
Po: I mean, I didn't actually say that, but I thought it... in... in my mind. If he could read my mind, he would've been like "What?" Order up!
[passes out bowls of soup to four of the Five]
Po: Hope you like it.
Mantis: This is really good!
Po: Nah, c'mon, you should try my dad's secret ingredient soup. He actually knows the secret ingredient.
Viper: What are you talking about? This is amazing!
Crane: Wow, you're a really good cook!
Mantis: I wish my mouth was bigger!