Or rather, really: NO STARS = ZERO, ZILCH, NADA, get it = NONE AT ALL!
(Except the animated post credits sequence = then : 10!)
It's Easter and from the come on pic on this box (that shown on this site is actually the back cover), of a naked woman (faint whip signs on her naked rear) carrying a cross, you might wonder is this a salutary tale for the occasion? *
(=see important 'add on end bit'!)
The answer found in having had the misfortune to view this, is a resolute, absolute - and if in doubt(ing Thomas style ..) - a consummate and certain NO!
Get that?
Nevertheless, for the time of year, if to be charitable, I suppose it could be admired that such film- making ineptitude as on display here, could still get listed on this resource site (at least) as a - supposedly! - 'legitimate' film.
Otherwise along with the NO stars (nada, zilch, NONE at all) this review is only being shared so that I can personally glean just a smidgeon of some in the remotest purpose to have spent the time tolerating what is, in effect, presumably the penchant of director, producer, (tea maker?) and 'star' Be Zebub (geddit?) as a demented (sorry, "schizophrenic reincarnation of") 'Jesus' in, his own made merely a non-stop 70 minute* mild - very mild (= inept!) - bondage, crucifixion fetish doom / black metal like music video.
(There is no dialogue whatsoever; just an interlude of a old Mac pc chat typing**)
True there is a central interlude, in which a bevy of girls - two of whom are surely such ringers they could pass as stand-ins for Uma Thurman and Patricia Arquette(!) - strung buck naked (fetishist note, yep, depiled below for no doubt penance's sake) up, but - full consent inferred, 'gentle' viewers - freely enough so as to lasciviously writhe in crucified poses on woodlands located crucifixes .. (whatever floats ya boat, as long as full consent involved, no, ah, 'judgment' here):
But, ah, I won't plot spoil-sport for how this enters the unfolding tale, just in case you really do ignore all imploring advice here to resolutely avoid - so's you'll then still have something to, ah, savour - (or is that, saviour? Sorry.)
So that in effect the wraparound, er, 'story' merely involves various - and admittedly, lovely - lasses getting bound up by star, director (tea maker?) Be zebub in what, at its most charitable best can be described as - only - barely inept.
I can well imagine the come on to them as being something like "Hi, I'm a film director; wanna be in films?" In this respect, since otherwise it's difficult to be able to extract anything of note from this ineptitude, to leaven the tedium it's worth noting that one of these 'actresses' (it's unclear from the character listings, exactly whom was supposed to be whom, but who could be Sandra Dee - and 'starrring' as 'Peter's wife, apparently!) at least raised a smile throughout this unrelenting below amateurish tedium, when after she is 'raped' (per eponymous main character's movie titled penchant - geddit?) plus assaulted - (thumped! Well, inferred, as shot ended just before impact) - we're next shown her now latterly standing in a shower stall, where he now stiff finger gropes her, not himself, but with a disembodied arm! Which is horrendous, innit? But then we get a close up shot of her gagged face, focus on her (beautiful dark) eyes, in by which you would expect her to be emoting abject terror: instead you got an almost eye rolling*** look to camera as though to (dumbly - she's ballgagged: besides there is no dialogue ..!) impart, "Sheesh, the things we ladies have to tolerate for a weirdo guy to get his rocks off, huh?"
(BTW: noting severed limb, reminds to also look out for one crucifixion effect of which you just must, well, 'hand' it to him for its .. er, well, ineptness!)
Another shout out kudos should also be offered to 'final girl' victim (unfortunately, unknown: in darkness all the time) who, bearing in mind the utter less than amateur ineptness on display here, still trusted director, producer, star (etc.!) Be zebub with the pyrotechnics set around her: for that alone dedication to your need to be 'in films' -whatever - is admirable!
Which means, lo - and behold - an ending does cometh, in which one could - charitably - discern that actor, scriptwriter, director**** - was challenging us viewers not only in our tolerance of trash trumped up as a legitimate 'film', but possibly, just possibly, with an in depth (of water) analogy for the unreliability of tales of (false) Messiahs e.g. With their walking on water exploits .. ... perhaps .. just possibly .. (Well, gotta be some reason why I watched this all the way through?!)
Otherwise, in short, may I fairly warn: freaking abysmal!
* Ah, BUT WAIT; hey, don't go!
Hold on there, don't go, don't leave just yet! For despite the timer indicates the film runs c.90 mins - it doesn't: for as the credits close, we're suddenly straight into, now, what would seem like the proper follow on to those quite, um, 'tempting' come on opening credits we first got shown ..
i.e. Now a five minute animation like still drawings sequence of Roman times crucifixion procedure, of a - (shock!) - woman: NOW! What THIS showed - in just stills, too - was astoundingly awful in the true sense: reprehensible, horrific and misogynist to the Nth degree, so much so that it reminded me of one the most awful comic strips I have ever read of Hart D. Fisher of the nineties 'Verotik' comic book (First issue, 'A Taste of Cherry'?) Now, watch this at your peril! (and ensure you have a copy of Monty Python's ' Life of Brian' for the final scene to leaven the horror!)
BTW: this counted in the menu as a 'features' extra: of which, by the way if trying to get your full money's worth out of this out and out utter 'cinematic' con bilge, also has another extra 'feature' consisting of an eight minute segment of three buxom gagged - (of course) - lasses writhing - not on crosses, now, but - on a bed, hands behind their backs, presumably / inferred, bound. Now again, um, charitably, I'm gonna go out on a limb (pun?) and guess that this is some sort of performance rehearsal outtake .. perhaps ..
** a mysterious, NOT naked, nor bound up, nor crucified, but bespectacled blonde online chats with 'The Light' (geddit?) about the reliability of the Jesus story ...
*** á la her in the '50 Shades of Grey' that got Mr. Grey excited into his particular penchant: recall?
**** candle wrangler, too? As no credit given but deserves huge recognition, for constant and consistent lighting - since otherwise throughout, is atrocious!
So there ya go .. well, wow: whaddya know: all that from what can only be assessed as - cinematically - an out and out garbage con!
Of course, if you like inept bondage to tedious doom laden shouty gruff vocalisations (five bands credited at the end), dicing with marginal blasphemy, this could be right up your deserted houses street. (as seemed to be used here: there IS a separate 'locations' credit given.)
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