The Aristocrats (2005)

Andy Richter: Self

Quotes 

• Andy Richter : [in front of his infant child]  I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt.

  Doug Stanhope : [in front of his infant child]  ... and I push it into her unwilling anus.

  Andy Richter : Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out.

  Doug Stanhope : So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. It looks like a serated sea snake. Remember when I took you to Sea World? Yeah.

  Andy Richter : And all the stuff shoots on her face.

  Doug Stanhope : And I stick my cock in her ass

  [pantomines holding his penis] 

  Doug Stanhope : It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. I'll show you a little bit later.

  Andy Richter : The brother comes out. He eats stuff off her face.

  Doug Stanhope : With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. We give the first few rows garbage bags. Have you seen Gallagher?

  [baby begins to cry] 

  Doug Stanhope : Yeah I didn't like it that much myself.

  Andy Richter : And they eat the poop off the floor.

  Doug Stanhope : and he says taa-daa!

  Andy Richter : And the man says "The Aristocrats"

  [long pause] 

  Andy Richter : and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews?