Haunted Boat (2005) User Reviews

Haunted Boat: Wow, just..........wow

[Platypuschow · 1/10 · 13 June 2018]

Haunted Boat, what a movie name! Sounds like a working title they forgot to update doesn't it?

It tells the story of six 20 somethings who go out on a boat to party and weird things happen and.....yeah....so.....wow.

I was immediatly struck by its low rating, at time of writing it's sat at 2.1 and that's incredibly low. It takes a special breed of movie to get a rating like that and I was convinced this wouldn't be one of them. It is, it really really is.

For me to rate a movie 1/10 means it has no redeeming features at all, it means it fails on literally every single front and that's an accomplishment in itself and very rare.

The story is non-sensical, the sfx are awful, the cast/characters are forgettable, the construction is dire and the soundtrack! Is so poorly done I can't even put into words. They play stock music that doesn't even remotely go with the scene and it's so inappropriate I actually laughed out loud.

Haunted Boat is one of the worst films I've seen in years, it's a masterclass on how not to make a movie and something that makes the Sharknado films look Oscar worthy by comparison.

The Good:

Hahahahahahaha NO!

The Bad:

Terrible cutaway scenes

Laughable sfx

Really poor title

Awful cover art

Random soundtrack that just doesn't fit the scenes

Stock screams

Dreadful "Plot"

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

You can identify Amish folk by their faces

The "I fear no evil" passage of the bible has never worked in the history of movies

Worst movie i watched this quarter

[tasteofclarity · 1/10 · 24 June 2006]

I checked this movie out when it still had 6 votes and it said like 7.2 or something, but seriously this is a horrible movie. Lets break it down. The first thing you notice about this movie is that it was filmed on a hand-held digital camera owned by a freshman at a community college. the next thing you'll notice is that the actors, are all friends of said freshman (he probably met them at the pub the night before. Third on the list you will notice that the musical editing is horrible, and they try to cram many songs into this movie, at 30 second intervals... also all digital editing is done on said freshman's home PC... probably using windows movie maker. This movie was horrible... pretentious, had an undeniably bad script, and acting that followed suit. I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone I know, but I do sentence the writer and director to watch this movie in hell for an eternity.

Messy and Boring Amateurish Garbage

[claudio_carvalho · 1/10 · 8 April 2007]

When the young Kevin gets the boat of his dead uncle as a gift, he invites five friends of him to a trip to Catalina Island for the weekend. While in the journey, they drink booze, have sex and play games, with each one of them telling his or her greatest fear. Later Kevin drowns in the open sea, the engine stops, and they are haunted and murdered by their greatest innermost fear.

Yesterday, my wife, son, daughter and three other friends joined to watch "Haunted Boat" on DVD. With less than 30 minutes running time, the group gave up watching this messy and boring amateurish piece of crap, and we decided to see another film. Later, I decided to watch the rest of this flick to see how bad it could be and it would have been better off going to bed to sleep. The confused story has an awful cinematography and camera work, with a cast that is probably studying to be actors and actresses and in the end this film seems to be a bad project of cinema school. The terrible and pretentious screenplay shows a ridiculous twist in the end, actually a complete mess that made me not understand what the story is all about. Was the girl insane and traveled alone in the boat, imagining the whole situation with imaginary friends? If that is true, are their friend again in the very end fruit of her madness? My vote is one.

Title (Brazil): "Viagem Para a Morte" ("Trip to the Death")

A simply terrible waste of Film!

[mscottmcconnell · 1/10 · 17 June 2006]

This is easily one of the worst 5 movies I've ever seen. It's not scary or any of the other things suggested in the plot outline. This movie is agonizingly slow and I was bored for almost all 98 minutes. While the acting is mediocre at best, the biggest problem is the script, which is poorly written, slow and plodding with no real direction. Occasionally an eerie mood is set only to be broken by some useless line or event. I'm not surprised that the entire cast was sick and throwing up between shots, they did after all have to try and digest a terrible script. As a huge fan of good horror movies, I'm always irritated that something this bad gets made. Save yourself 98 minutes you'll never get back.

I don't know how this movie found distribution.

[reeves2002 · 1/10 · 23 July 2007]

I watched this movie last night and hoped for the best after watching all the cool trailers.Even the cover of the DVD looked good.As soon as I started watching it I was thinking like others "oh my God whats this".There were some moments that were a bit creepy but then the mood was ruined by stupid music.There was rock and opera during what is supposed to be suspenseful scenes.That right there ruined it for me and i was shaking my head thinking damn I wasted money again on a rental and was deceived by the cover art.Nothing against the music itself,it was just in the wrong parts of the movie.Whoever edited the film has no clue what they are doing.The cover showed lightning, implying they were caught in a storm at sea.That would have been more interesting but it didn't happen. The acting wasn't the worst i've ever seen considering they are all unknown and this is obvious their first film.Another reason I was disappointed was the plot made no sense.In the beginning 2 men saw all of the teens get on a boat,then at the end supposedly only 1 girl existed and the others were either her imaginary friends or were ghosts i'm not sure because it was very badly portrayed. WhyteFox who wrote a comment on here claims this is a true story.He or she believes in ghosts and spirits and says there is a haunted boat in the area this movie was filmed.There was no mention in this movie about it being a true story.I have never experienced something like that personally but am not saying it's impossible.I guess if anyone is interested in renting this movie,do it at your own risk.If you like amateur student horror films you may like this.

Seems to me like they're making a movie for their media class.

[balgeorge · 1/10 · 28 July 2010]

"Haunted Boat" is probably, if not definitely one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And here's why.

You could not ask for worse acting, to me I personally thought this was a college media class, where a group of students had to make a scary movie.

Secondy, the camera work is worse than terrible; I wouldn't be surprised if they were using a video phone.

And I can write so much more, but would be here for hours! All in all, please please please do not watch this. It is 90 minutes or more which I will not ever get back of my life, and I'm saying this for your benefit.

What in the name of god was that???

[gnakash · 1/10 · 29 September 2006]

This is by far the worst movie I've ever seen. From the plot, though the shots, the "special effects", the acting, and did I mentioned the plot? Every single thing in it sucked ass!

This is a good example of what "over-doing" means and I'll try to explain:

I understand what the creator of this movie was trying to do; this was supposed to be one of those movies you can't really tell what the hell is going on up until the end. You sit mesmerized, not knowing who's dead and who's alive and who killed who and why and just when you think you got the timeline right you find out you're wrong and the movie ends - leaving you with an opened mouth for the next 5 minutes! Something like "Unbreakable" or "The Job" if you know what I mean.

But Olga Levens, the writer of this junk, yes, Olga – The writer, Director, Producer, Screenplay author, Caster, Production designer, Art Director, Costume Designer and also a double for one of the characters is some scenes... this is basically a one woman movie and when it comes to Olga Levens from "Levens Productions" you can't go wrong :-)

Well this might come as a shocker but "this time" Olga over did this big time, jumping from scene to scene, from dreams to reality... but wait! this was all a dream after all... or was it??? The picture fades and I realized none of this ever happened, the girl was all alone on the ship... actually there was no ship... no wait! There's the ship again, and the guys! They're alive! Thank god! No they're calling her to join the cruise... but then the ship disappears so maybe they're dead after all??? or maybe they never were alive to begin with???

If you understood what I just said you might like this movie - otherwise it's a boring piece of work and the only reason I set through this entire crap is to find out how the hell can they finish this movie...

Don't watch this if you value time, ever 90 minutes are a waste in this case...

Be Serious!! before you watch read this!!

[davidnoidus · 1/10 · 17 June 2006]

This film on paper looked like it could possibly be good, after watching though i realised that this film was completely terrible!! The plot has no meaning, and i think i counted the best part of 5000 cut scenes each one making the film more annoying boring and ridiculous. I watched this late night pitch black no noise at all just to add to the SCARINESS of it but the truth is the only thing that scared me was the music, what they would call tragic music, they play opera i mean be serious!! This film sums up all of what is not good about this type of film. To be honest ill say no more but watch at your own risk this film is just complete rubbish, ENJOY!!

Some outrageous teen horror pappy show!

[smiley-32 · 1/10 · 23 July 2006]

I saw this film yesterday. I must admit, it weren't my cup of tea. Although it's supposed to be a horror movie of its kind. But as I was watching this, I was thinking.. 'This movie isn't making any sense at all..' Where on earth did this guy in the dark coat came from? Where were the two guys were going when they left the girls behind? Where on earth did a shark came out from?

All these elements in this film somehow didn't add up. I felt as if these filmmakers wasted so much time and money on a film that was so bound to be so crap.

I've seen many good horror movies in my time, but this is one of the most worst horror flicks I've seen. At the end of the movie, I said to myself that I wouldn't watch it again.. So much pappy show in this film, I've decided to give it the thumbs down! Count me out on this one! 0 out of 10!

Oh my!

[taryn_3532 · 2/10 · 12 July 2006]

I rented this film purely on the fact that the cover appealed to me. However as soon as the film began I had regrets. It seems they used a home video camera to shoot this film and let a young child do it. They also used inappropriate ghostly faces and shapes to try and scare people but i found myself laughing, i could have put that together myself and done a better job of it.

As for the plot I felt that it had some really good ideas but because of dodgy lines and in some cases acting they were overshadowed. It had no direction.

I didn't want to sit through it all because it caused me physical pain to watch it but i always finish what i start so i took a deep breath and let it carry on. Definitely 98minutes of my life wasted.

I would save yourself the embarrassment of knowing that you have watched 'Haunted Boat' and find something that is more entertaining. I'm a fan of low budget horror films but this was a major disappointment i thought nothing could get worse after 'Terror Toons' but this made me reconsider. A let down to its genre.

* out of ***** (The star is for the ideas of having their worst fears coming for them)

Ever Thought About Being The Only Person Left?

[WhyteFox · 10/10 · 16 August 2006]

Sure this movie wasn't like. 16 blocks, inside man, an American haunting. etc...

But It was a great mystery that can happen to anyone of us.. i found this movie really great and scary.

I live exactly where they filmed this movie "san pedro, California" And we have heard true stories based on incidents of this movie.

I dunno if you've heard of the famous boat in long beach "Queen Mary" Well that boat is haunted. i believe in spirts, illusions, and parallel or however u spell that. is real. everybody's in there own universe.

and the mind is a powerful thing.

i recommend to watch this movie. it's great, and not bad directing at all.

for those who rate it a 1. they don't understand the film. its meaning. its plot, its view. and how bad the ocean life can be for each and everyone of us.

Ty.

Victor

this scary chiller leaves you thinking HUH!! or W.T.F

[DJ-Chojin · 6/10 · 12 July 2007]

OK picked this movie up to buy for £1 in the pound shop, so i was not expecting much after the last lot of garbage i got from there, but this did look interesting,so i thought OK its only a pound which is about 75 cents American money. So OK i found this film really good it leaves you thinking what the bleep is going on for 75% of the film and does not answer that at the end either. you don't know whats real or whats not,who's alive who's dead,where did he come from? where the cat came from? how did a little bird get there?its just so freaky,and weird. i disagree with the other post saying its rubbish i think the director wanted a freaky weird confusing piece of cinema and thats what she got.if a big studio put a lot of money into this film i don't think it would have been so good! the directer and writer put a lot of thought into this film and it shows its well thought out well edited and has the desired effect of what the f###k and huh! i highly recommend this movie i give it 6 out of 10 for frights and 10 out of 10 for originality

absolute dog

[smile_its_national_smile · 1/10 · 13 April 2007]

do not ever watch this film...it is the biggest pile of sh*te i have ever come across in my whole life. and thats saying something. the acting, storyline and filming were absolutely dire this is THE WORST FILM IN THE WORLD!!! seriously doesn't it even give you a hit seeing as it cost my 99p from sainsburys and it was only made in 2005? hahaha this film is like a cheap college movie you can even see the camera in the corner of the screen....although if u really wanna watch it you gotta watch the "scary shark scene"...possibly the best piece of acting i have seen in my life...ha ha. i mean seriously this is the biggest waste of 2 1/2 hours EVER!!

No classic, but holds your attention..

[matmag361 · 5/10 · 18 June 2006]

I really can't see how any one can find in this flick a psychological, philosophical or spiritual subtext of any significance. In fact, when it tries to go this route, it becomes pretentious and confusing.

However, despite the plot and the generally mediocre acting, this film did manage to hold our attention till the end, and delivered a few genuine shivers. I did get the feeling that had I joined the characters in smoking a 'doob' I might have the whole thing more profound..

Haunted Boat also offers some nice ocean scenery, and some babes in bikinis.

If you're looking for a fairly decent time killer for a rainy night, this might do.

Mixed feelings about this movie...

[Attila_Krieger · 3/10 · 20 June 2006]

*****probably minor spoilers******

I cant say i liked it, but i cant say i didn't...its very strange. It has bad things in it like for example a shark that came out of nowhere with the worst CGI you can imagine,if i was the director i would cut that part for sure, gave me the urge to stop seeing the rest of the movie... For some people it will be boring cause it lacks action, feels home made sometimes... Take for example a scene that one of the friends died and next thing they are doing is what? nop,not crying...their telling horror stories to each other..*sighs*(just after crying for hes lost)

Another stupid thing was when they were talking inside the boat they had like "hundreds" of candles in the table in front of them...the boat is surrounded by some kind of rag curtains(old rags covering the windows) and sofas/Couches ...i thought it was dumb, using candles but not thinking about the surroundings, besides being in high sea alone...

The good, some scary scenes they are nicely done i liked some. Sometimes horror works better when its hidden when its behind something instead of showing of, so this movie does it good, maybe because its a low budget i don't know, but it works fine for me! You will feel tension if you forget some holes like the ones i mentioned above.

Do not expect much of it! but if you like anykind of movie watch this one, be patient, try to enjoy.. lol

(sorry about my raw English) =)

Cheers

Poor acting, but fun

[bangban_tribudiman · 4/10 · 30 December 2006]

Haunted Boat sells itself as 'The Fog' meets 'Open Water'. In many ways this is accurate. There are scares and weird looking people to keep you interested.

However the acting ability is poor at best. Showing clear signs that this is merely a bunch of friends making a horror film. Which in all credit they do to the best of their ability. When you accept the low budget makes it very difficult for special effects, with the ghosts looking pretty much like men with rubber masks on.

Many aspects of the film are creepy and strange. But it suffers for using too many twists and turns in a short space of time which just leaves you bored and confused. In terms of keeping you awake the film does it very well. Ignoring the irrelevant twisting every 5 seconds near the end, you actually want to know what is going on. And are willing to wait the 1hr 35 minutes for the climax.

This is no Ghost Ship but it'll definitely do for an evening in front of the T.V.

Please do not watch!!!

[krwdev · 1/10 · 7 March 2011]

I was sitting around incredibly bored so I elected to watch this movie. Terrible acting, terrible writing, i could film higher quality with my cell phone from 4 years ago. My brain has officially turned into poo mush after watching this crap. Im no critic myself however I do know if I have a mild sense of entertainment, and this film most assuredly to not accomplish that. How this movie was every considered to be worth producing and showing to the public I have no idea. The one and only perk of the movie is you see one characters boobs for a second, other than that there are lots of things to do that make you feel like your time and / or money was well spent. Save yourself the time and watch paint dry or grass grow. Both are much more entertaining than this.

Heavy "Carnival of Souls" influence.

[DaveC-13 · 3/10 · 1 April 2019]

While I agree that the film is hurt badly by the technical merits, particularly in the first third, it does move towards a very surrealistic feeling that reminded me a lot of Carnival of Souls. That film was similarly pretty low rent, but managed to create a very unearthly atmosphere. Haunted Boat seems to be at least trying for the same thing, although with less internal logic. So I give it a few points for ambition.

wow....what the heck was that?

[ravenz-shrike · 4/10 · 1 February 2009]

What the heck was this. Somebody obviously read Stephen King and Sartre in the same semester. We get existential angst mixed in with cheap horror. There were moments that were disturbing but each one was canceled out by horrible music, CGI, or acting.

The problem with weird narratives like this is that it feels lazy. Even David Lynch's work feels like that at times, and just like his interesting shows and movies it runs far far too long. And sadly this is only 98 minutes.

The cast was attractive, and that is about the limit to this. I suppose it touches on feelings of adolescents and the fear of loneliness we all have, but just doesn't make the characters likable enough for us to care about their fates...whatever they were. The final scene leaves the whole thing ambiguous.

Ugh, I overestimated this movie..

[kardosma · 1/10 · 22 May 2020]

I rated this when I was half way through, giving it a 2. Clearly my optimism was misplaced, because now at 2/3 of the way through I felt compelled to go back and rate it a 1.

I can even pinpoint the exact line that did it: when one of the bimbos said in disgust "I'm NOT staying on a boat with an epileptic!"

Ugh. Seriously?!

I'm not sure why I thought watching a movie about a bunch of gormless twentysomething 'teenagers' setting out on a craptastic boat with no proper food, adequate water, or a working radio to call for help would be at all entertaining . It wasn't even remotely in the ballpark of entertaining.

Here are the highlights:

• Annoying and irretrievably moronic characters
• Stupid dialogue
• No coherent story to speak of
• Random 'scary' (not scary) things happening that make no sense and don't tie in with anything else
• whiny, screamy, ignorant, stupid characters... oh wait, I mentioned them. But they were so bad they got a second mention :)

Honestly, the best part of this was the random cat that appeared around 1 hr 15min mark (don't get excited, it doesn't hang around long) .

True Rating: DNW (do not watch)

Who is in which parallel word, that is the question

[hasosch · 10/10 · 17 September 2009]

I borrowed this movie despite its extremely low rating, because I wanted to see how the crew manages to animate the presence of multiple worlds. As a matter of fact, they didn't - at least, so its seems. Some cameo appearance cut rather clumsily into the movie - that's it, this is what the majority of viewers think. However, the surprise comes at the end, and unfortunately then, when probably most of the viewers have already stopped this movie. I was also astonished when I saw that the Brazilian-Portuguese title of this movie means "Voyage into Death". This is THE spoiler.

That this movie is about a young girl who goes ALONE onto this boat (on reasons that are completely unclear), you understand only in the last 5 minutes. When you start the movie with the English title "Haunted Boat" in your head, you clearly think that the cameo appearances of strange figures are the "ghosts". But in reality, this movie is not like most other horror movies told from the distant writer-watcher perspective who can at almost any time differentiate between different levels of reality, it is told from the perspective of the young girl. We see her not alone, but together with the four friends because SHE sees them. We do not see that she is alone. So, the parallel worlds are not the cameo appearances flickering into the picture-stream, but the main story! We have at least two parallel worlds: The world in which the girl is and the world in which the 4 friends are. An intrusion of a third world is probably the young man with the medical skills who comes for a short time on the boat.

I cannot get rid of the deep conviction that with this movie, the movie-makers "cheated" an audience of several thousand people by letting them believe that what they have done is more or less a sophomore film-student elaborate with hastily "chosen" pseudo-actors that have met just the night before the start of the shooting in a dump after at least twelve beers. How mistaken can one be! But in addition to this big surprise which one learns only in the very last minutes, the end that follows gives another surprise. The girl is saved by a crew in a helicopter and another boat. When she has recovered from her shock, she visits again the place at the harbor where she ascended the boat together with the four friends. And there they are again! They wave her to them from the boat which has already taken off shore. She jumps into the water, arrives at the boat - and they are away. Miraculously beautiful. It remembers me a bit to the end of a poem by a Rhetoromance writer: When I awoke, I saw Death standing at my bed. But I closed my eyes. When I opened them again - he was gone.

Really not so bad...

[whammy666 · 6/10 · 9 July 2008]

This is actually better than the occasional low budget crap fest. I have seen many, and this is among the better of them. It actually has some originality, and is almost smart in a way. Now it has a lot of flaws, but it has it's good qualities too. They actually did fairly well with the extreme low budget this movie must have had. The acting is okay, obviously not going to be the best. Many of the scenes take place during night, where there is a lot of mist, which was smart so the boat didn't have to be on water during filming. The ending, which I half expected, but it is actually a thinker. Give this movie a try, it's not the best, but it doesn't deserve it's rating on here. It was better than Haunted Forest and Acts of Death.

Even worse than the 1 star reviewers stated.

[vmalast · 1/10 · 25 September 2019]

I'm fine with 0 budget movies and unknown actors, writers, directors. I really have nothing positive to say about this flick. I lasted about 15 minutes before turning it off. I had to reread the plot synopsis and genre because this film comes across as a " what not to do" when making a film. Let's put together all the cliches of people who are in their 20s. Everything was awful. Run dont walk away from this "film"..

I am to dumb for this movie

[warehousereviews · 2/10 · 26 August 2020]

Some of the reviews on this movie make it seem like a super intellectual movie of parallel worlds and peoples deepest fears... I think its just a frustrating, boring,and confusing mess of ideas that don't lead anywhere. The ending makes no sense and it takes a excruciatingly long time to get there.

The only horror

[jhr2012 · 1/10 · 6 July 2020]

....associated with this movie is the acting and the story line. My God, this is bad. You know how with some movies you're hoping that all the characters get it in the end? This is one of those movies.