I had high hopes for "The Bikini Escort Company", I really did. After all, it had Beverly Lynne in it, and there hasn't been a softcore movie made in the last two years she hasn't taken part in. Believe it or not, she wasn't the star attraction of this film.
We begin with a small group of college students--Mandy (Beverly Lynne), Candy (Stacy Burke), Sandy (Cailey Taylor), and Satch (John Swipe). All of them are in danger of getting kicked out of school various reasons, most of them hilarious. Mandy blew up the science building; Candy slept with most of the faculty....the list goes on and on. However, Dean Grundy (Jay Richardson, a veteran of cheap B-movies) and Miss Howell (Michelle Bauer, another legend in B-movie land) give them one more chance. They must assume control of a struggling business and make it profitable in a matter of days. A classic setup for an STSWB movie, folks.
Of course, the women turn to the quickest way they know how to turn a profit....that being turning tricks as escorts. Mandy is supposed to have the brains of the group, since Candy's brains are in her surgically-enhanced chest. She plays the "dumb blonde" role like it's supposed to be played--look hot, have good sex scenes, and be there for the comic relief.
Satch heads off to a worn-out old car wash full of red ink. The proprietor, Luke (Peter Spellos, who I fondly remember as the fat guy from "Dinosaur Island") is fairly hands-off, letting Satch make a fool of himself in a clown suit, trying to direct cars into the car wash.
Eventually, the girls stop by the car wash and decide to give Satch a hand, with swimsuits in tow. Of course, they go topless for full comedic effect. The film has turned into a watered down version of "The Bikini Carwash Company"--in my opinion, one of the better "Bikini" movies of the late 80's-early 90's.
How about those sex scenes? Well, they were in there, but they weren't anything special. Candy had a couple of nice ones, but the rest were fairly average.
This flick was written and directed by Fred Olen Ray, who I consider a genius at putting together slapstick B-movies full of comedy, nudity, and sex-a-plenty. I'm glad Fred and Jim Wynorski are still doing movies, but many of them just aren't as good as their old ones--the early 90's masterpiece "Dinosaur Island" comes to mind. They co-directed that film--the ultimate collaboration, if you ask me. I'm not expecting anything like that from "Bikini Escort Company", but didn't quite deliver the goods nonetheless. It's borderline tapeworthy, but I'd recommend not wasting good film on it.
Women: B- (Beverly Lynne and her ever-changing hairstyles. Keep it short--it looks better on you. Stacy Burke had a show-stealing performance as Candy, the empty-headed blonde with big boobs and an insatiable sexual appetite. Talent isn't needed in order to play a role like that...just a good looking woman.)
Sex: C+ (Slightly better than average, and the plus goes to Candy's sex scenes. They were the best of the bunch.)
Story: D+ (I'm sorry I had to this, but STSWB movies can be funnier and have more comedy than this. Sure, this movie had some comedy, but the charm of STSWB movies--save the something with breasts for the uninitiated--is the slapstick humor the women create while trying to beat the clock to come up with the money they need. There wasn't any of that here.)
Overall: C (It was okay. That's about it. At times, I wondered if Beverly Lynne just mailed this one in. I know she does a lot of movies, but she was pretty uninspiring here. Stacy Burke had enthusiasm, and I liked that. I know Fred Olen Ray can do better--"Bikini Airways" was pretty darn funny.)
2 out of 3 found this helpful.
Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
