Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family (2004) User Reviews

Quite interesting

[preppy-3 · 8/10 · 20 June 2005]

Very good documentary. It's about two gay men (Sam Cagnina and Stephen Margolin) who want a woman in their relationship. They finally find Samantha Singh. They all live together and have sex together (not shown). Then Samantha gets pregnant. They're all happy--but the birth of a child sets off some unexpected feelings...and this family might not survive.

I saw this at a film festival and, for some technical reason, they could only show it in black & white, not color. That may have affected my rating but I don't think so.

This is a totally fascinating movie following a different type of family and how it works and survives. It was shot over the space of 8 years so you see them grow and change--in good and bad ways. Totally absorbing but it is a little too long--it could have been cut by a few minutes. Still it's an excellent documentary and should be seen by all open-minded people interested in a new type of family. Recommended.

It's just a quiet little film with some interesting people.

[thespian-9 · 7/10 · 20 September 2004]

Sitting down to review a documentary is a little different from sitting down to review a regular movie. It's easier at times to discuss themes and framing devices and paralleling than it is to discuss a documentary about eight years of a 3-person marriage that's just about people. This one is harder because the documentary's director was a friend of the family. In the Q&A after the movie, she mentioned having known one of the male partners since elementary school, and the other since high school. At times in the documentary, I wanted very much to ask the people involved, "But wait. Didn't that make you incredibly angry/jealous/etc?" Sadly the person that I most wanted to ask about that had to return to New York after Friday's showing. The director really did seem to soft-pedal the relationship, making it seem very much like all was well in their marvelous little world (indeed, she mentioned afterwards, when she discussed getting some more footage after a break of about 2 years, that she went back *after* someone saw what she had put together and said "there's no conflict; they're too happy."). Their families accepted it after a bit, the parents of all three treat their children as grandchildren, etc., etc. At one point, Samantha, the female partner, mentions, "After I told my family about this, my mother didn't speak to me for three months." but that's it, and it comes after evidence that they're talking now. There's nothing about actually *living* the way they do - no one gives an opinion that's anything but positive, for most of the film.

The end result is a movie that doesn't have much perspective, until the last fifteen minutes or so, and if it wasn't for said last 15 minutes, there would really be little point to seeing the film. While one of the leads, Sam, is incredibly funny, and they all make some interesting comments about their relationship, the general result for anyone who has spent time in the poly community is 'yeah, but I've thought about that.'

All in all, while it was interesting/funny to watch, and intriguing at times, it's not a YOU MUST SEE THIS movie event. It's just a quiet little film with some interesting people. It will be of slightly more interest to those who have little contact with the poly world, to see just how the trio deal with a number of things that people often assume can only be handled in pairs. Poly people will possibly want to see it simply because of the subject matter, but will likely leave it saying, "where is all the actual *life* here?"

Big holes in a fascinating story

[buff-29 · 7/10 · 9 November 2005]

This tale of a threesome is quite interesting but leaves out a lot of information viewers will want. The bare facts are these: Steven, a chiropractor, and Sam, a massage therapist, are lovers. They take a younger woman, Samantha, into their apartment and relationship. They all sleep in the same bed. They also run a professional office together, with Samantha doing the grunt work. Maybe not everybody is as prurient as I am, but I think most of the audience remained curious about the actual sexual practices of this trio after the movie was over. Similarly, I was wondering about the details of the "wellness center" business on which they all collaborated; how many patients did they see? who paid how much? how were the profits divided? (As a New Yorker, I also wanted to know how much rent they paid.)It is quite possible that there is a good explanation for many omissions, but I want to know what they are. Would it have been possible to include an interview with Samantha's predecessor in Sam and Steven's relationship? Why not? And if so, why wasn't it done? I enjoyed the movie but was still hungry for information when I left the theater.

a beautiful portrait of human experiences and the strive for happiness within modern society

[nicolechiu · 10/10 · 21 July 2005]

this movie was an amazing journey to follow through these people and their lives, as well as the effect of their 'lifestyle choice' upon family members and outsiders.

ultimately the movie is about self-acceptance and responsibility. bringing to light all the issues faced by people of such situations and also really allowing them to voice their experiences.

i completely fell in love with all of them because their love was actually very real. it was incomprehensible to me before i entered the theatre and yet by the end of the movie my heart was aching for all of them.

i found the movie incredibly moving. i guess you end up feeling as if you've just met three new friends and you empathise with all of them as they share their lives with you. it was all just so real.

it has nothing to do with the kinky connotations of such a situation and everything to do with three people in this world craving the security and foundations of a truly and deeply loving relationship, and wherein they could create a beautiful, happy world to bring up children into.

that then, of course, complicates things further as children tend to do with people and their lives...

suddenly issues are magnified and responsibilities are evident.

the wonderful thing about this movie is that the characters are so honest. and in their honesties you see their strive towards the ultimate goal of living a happy and fulfilling life.

it is inspirational to see how they have had to deal with all the pressures of society and family members and really end up dealing with themselves as they are.

and it just doesn't matter if you are gay, straight, or whatever because the story isn't really about sexuality so much as it is about being un-mainstream.

too many people live in this world continuing to fool themselves believing that they will remain happy as long as everyone else around them is happy and satisfied with the way they portray themselves (as 'normal'). not enough people in this world really look into the mirror and accept themselves just as they are and allow the rest of the world to either accept it or not.

it's impossible to please everyone. at the end of the day, you have to accept things for yourself. (and for your children, after you've decided to have them).

i highly recommend this movie to anyone who cares about living their lives as self-assured, happy people of society. and for anyone who loves to analyse human relationships and try to learn anything from viewing other peoples' lives.

Interesting twist on what it means to love

[das417 · 8/10 · 15 March 2006]

Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Love Story, follows the lives of two men (Sam and Steven) who decide to have find a woman for their relationship. Samantha, whom they met in the early 90's, joins the two. For the next 13 years, (though the film only covers eight years), their three lives are followed as each attempts to maintain a love that is shared between not just two, but three people. A love that is honest, real, funny, emotional, and risen to new levels as two children are born into the relationship. Their love is unique, but their desire to keep that love unique and strong is what motivates Sam, Steven, and Samantha to face such challenges as family acceptance, money issues, and the issue of raising children.

What makes Three Of Hearts so interesting is the combination of old family footage and interviews that make up most of the movie. Instead of just following the family around on their day to day routine, most of the movie is of Sam, Steven, and Samantha telling how they found themselves in such a relationship. They are open and honest even when discussing such person matters, joking often with each other on camera. Again, the family struggles they faced in the past as well as the struggle to gain acceptance, make up a large part of the discussions. And it is easy to see that there is a love between the three of them. There is warmth and a love that is easily seen as the three share pictures from vacations, home movies, and even simple conversations and jokes with each other.

However, much as any other 'love', their relationship cannot last forever. Steven, due to unknown reasons which he claims he will not discuss, leaves the three after 13 years together. It is my belief that he has left mainly because such a relationship was just to exhausting to continue and so he wanted the fastest exit he could find. Anyway, his decision is a devastating move that forces Sam and Samantha to find support in each other as a once loved 'partner' suddenly betrays them. Resulting in bitterness that separates them from ever having any sort of real relationship again as issues such as money, support, and even caring for the family dog quickly divide Steven from Sam and Samantha. A bitterness that, unfortunately, is just as alive and emotional as it is when two partners end their relationship.

Some have argued that Three Of Hearts only shows the good times and not enough of the challenges that the three would have faced from day to day. I disagree since a movie like this can only go so far in revealing what it is a person experiences. Covering a span of eight years leaves little time to just focus on the daily routines that get us all down sooner or later and an attempt to do would have only brought the movie down. The director, who was and still close to the three, made the right choice in focusing on the material given. Covering eight years with a steady focus as the relationship grows, expands, then suddenly falls.

In the end, the question of love is what drives Three Of Hearts. Can love be defined in any kind of 'normal' way? Also, what the boundaries that love must have to work in stable relationship? These are all questions that we must ask no matter what our relationship is, and who we spend it with.

8 out of 10.

love to the third degree

[postmanwhoalwaysringstwice · 9/10 · 23 September 2006]

"Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family" documents eight years in the relationship between Sam, Steve, and Samantha, three people with very strong personalities, deep love for one another, and little or no precedence for their romantic arrangement. This timely film comes during a period of divide about gay marriage, ever escalating divorce rates, and a bit of media attention on the common law marriages of our favorite celebrities. Interestingly, only the second subject is touched on here.

It's a heartbreaking story about three people in search of love in the modern world. Their "tri-nogomous" relationship, as one person phrased it, is thankfully never exploited or shown as anything but far more challenging than the love between two. They are regular people who are at times quite boring, at times charming, and in the final act rather bitter.

The film leaves an ache in your heart, because everything about the first two-thirds of the film felt hopeful and stable. It's unsettling to feel that a film that could inspire mainstream society to be more open to alternative visions of what means marriage and what means love could also be the reason it remains closed. This documentary is definitely a good springboard for discussion.