Jake Richardson credited as playing...
Teen #1
- Jay: You know, sometimes I wish I'd done a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places, selling weed and shit. Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe be an astronaut. Yeah. And be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. Or find a new alien life form... And fuck it. And people would be like "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once."
- [Silent Bob looks at him weirdly, before two teenage drug buyers start to approach them]
- Jay: Holy shit out first customers since our triumph of return, act cool.
- Teen #1: You guys holdin'?
- Jay: Yeah, everything but coke, heroin and your cock.
- Teen #2: What?
- Teen #1: How about a nicklebag?
- Jay: [Improvised rapping] Oh, fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong-nong-nonga-nonga-nong-nong.
- [Teen #2 gives Silent Bob $15, who exchanges it for a nicklebag of weed]
- Teen #1: So, ahh, haven't seen you guys in a while. Where've you been all this time?
- Jay: Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car. We're cruising down to the boardwalk, fuckin' middle-town cop pulls us over for suspicion of mischief.
- Teen #1: What the fuck's that mean?
- Jay: Drivin' around with a deployed airbag. Cops pull us over, they find two pounds of Jamaican Landswolf. Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime but the judge gives us rehab instead.
- Teen #1: Shit, rehab?
- Jay: Yep yep.
- Teen #2: How long were you in?
- Jay: Six months, sir. We got six months and two days on the wagon, as a good friend of Bill W's. Check it out.
- [Holds up rehab token]
- Jay: Just got it two days ago, before we got out.
- Teen #2: Yeah but if you're holdin' all the time, aren't you gonna be tempted to get high?
- Jay: Oh, not with the power of Christ on my side, sir.
- [Silent Bob holds up a Holy Bible]
- Teen #2: Is that a fucking Bible?
- Jay: Hey, hey, the Holy fucking Bible, son.
- Teen #2: [to Teen #1] What the fuck kinda song-bird Jesus-freak dealers d'you bring me to?
- Teen #1: I like them, man. They're funny.
- Teen #2: They're fuckin' stupid.
- Jay: You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like did you know Jesus was a Jew?