A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

Woody Harrelson: Dusty

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dusty : [singing]  I used to work in Chicago, at a convenience store. / I used to work in Chicago. I did but I don't anymore. / A lady walked in with some porcelain skin and I asked her what she came in for. / "Liquor," she said, and lick her I did, and I don't work there anymore.

• Dusty : [singing]  When God created woman / He gave her not two breasts but three. / When the middle one got in the way, / God performed surgery. / Woman stood before God / With the middle breast in hand / Said,"What do we do with the useless boob?" / And God created man.

• Lefty : Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?

  Dusty : No, I didn't.

  Lefty : Yeah, it runs in your genes.

• [from trailer] 

  Dusty : Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was already taken.

• Lefty : What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?

  Dusty : I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?

  Lefty : A religious movement.

• Dusty , Lefty : [singing]  Bad jokes, Lord, I love 'em. / Bad jokes, can't get enough of em. / O-o-o-whee, / Bad jokes for me.

• Al, Stage Manager : About that obscene song you sang last week...

  Dusty : Obscene? Uh...

  Al, Stage Manager : Yeah.

  Dusty : 'I'll give you my moonshine if you show me your jugs'?

  Al, Stage Manager : No, not that one.

  Dusty : ' Lovin' you ain't easy, but I hear your sister is'?

  Al, Stage Manager : No, no, no. 'Come ride my pony all night long. 'Come ride him bareback, I'll sing you a song.' That one.

  Dusty : That's just a song about ridin' a pony. Oh, what - what the hell did you think it was about?

  Al, Stage Manager : Let's go out with a little style, Okay? What do you say?

• Dusty : Hey, uh... hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

  Lefty : What'd he say?

  Dusty : It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

• Dusty : Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?

  Lefty : No. Who do they think did it?

  Dusty : Well, they don't know, but they're on the look out for hardened criminals.

• Dusty : Can you tell potato face here that his butt is too big for his pants and people can see his crack and it ain't nothin' any normal person would ever care to look at?

  Lefty : Where?

  Dusty : In the back. That's where your crack is.

• Dusty : My horse is extremely smart. Uh, he knows math. He knows physics and chemistry; but, I can't seem to teach him philosophy.

  Garrison Keillor : Can't teach him philosophy, eh?

  Dusty : Well, no. You can't put Descartes before the horse.

• Dusty : [singing]  The farmer had a champion bull, Who bred 200 times a year, The farmer's wife said, '200 times?' 'Isn't that wonderful, dear?' 'Maybe you ought to watch him', 'Maybe he'll show you how', The farmer said, 'He's a heck of a bull', 'But it wasn't all with the same cow'

• Garrison Keillor : That's our show. Remember to keep your feet on the ground, your hopes up high, pray for rain, keep the humor dry. And eat those Powdermilk Biscuits. Thank you, everybody.

  Garrison Keillor , Rhonda Johnson , Yolanda Johnson , Lola Johnson , Dusty , Lefty , Jearlyn Steele : [singing]  Come and sit by my side if you love me, Do not hasten to bid me adieu, But remember the Red River Valley, And the one who has loved you so true...

• Guy Noir : Look who just blew in from the old prairie. I thought you left town ahead of the sheriff?

  Dusty : Well, the woman decided not to press charges.

  Rhonda Johnson : Oh, yeah? What was the crime? Snorin'?