Red vs. Blue (2003–2024)

Dan Godwin: Donut, Pvt. Franklin Delano Donut, Jacob J. Jenkins, Franklin Delano Donut

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sarge : [Tex has finished repairing Shelia, and is now attacking the Red Base. Sarge is in the Warthog and radios Simmons]  Simmons, I'm comin' around in the Warthog. Take the gunner position when I come by.

  Simmons : Right, Sir.

  Grif : I'll, uh, I'll just stay here.

  Simmons : Yeah. Stay and guard this cement wreck. It's vital to our success.

  [Simmons jumps into the gunner position of the Warthog] 

  Simmons : I'm in, sir.

  Sarge : [they drive off towards Sheila]  Good. Here's the plan, Simmons

  [Tex blasts the Warthog, and Simmons flies off] 

  Sarge : Yowza!

  Grif : [Sarge and Simmons run back to Red Base]  Wow. You guys back so soon? Win the war already?

  Simmons : Hey Sarge, you mind telling me the rest of the plan now?

  Sarge : If we survive this, I'm gonna kill the both of you... slowly...

  Sheila : [Shelia is still firing at the Red Base]  Firing main cannon.

  Donut : [Donut runs up the stairs, while Grif, Simmons, and Sarge are cowarding in the other staircase]  What are you guys doing up here?

  Grif : That chick with the black armor is back!

  Donut : What chick? The one who stuck a grenade to my head?

  Simmons : That's the one!

  Donut : The one who's the reason why I'm in this Light Red Armor?

  Grif : Donut, I understand the need to safeguard your masculinity, but it's so much faster just to say Pink.

  Donut : Ohhh, I've been waiting for this...

  [runs to edge of base, towards Sheila] 

  Donut : HEY BITCH! REMEMBER ME? I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA'!

  [Tosses grenade at Tex and Sheila] 

  Tucker : [Simmons and Grif look at grenade, grenade flies, Lopez/Church watches grenade, grenade flies, Tucker and Cabosse watch grenade]  Wow. That girl has some arm...

  Tex : [grenade lands in Tex's lap]  Oh, CRAP!

  Donut : HELL YEAH! THREE POINTS, YOU DIRTY WHORE!

• Grif : What the fuck was that?

  Simmons : That was the weirdest match I ever played.

  Church : Dude, that sucked! I got team-killed in like, the first ten seconds.

  Caboose : Sorry that was my fault... Some guy kept screaming into the mic.

  Tucker : BOM CHICKA BOW WOW!

  Church : Dude, Shut up!

  Caboose : See?

  Tucker : BOM CHICKA BOW WOW!

  Church : Alright, that's it. I'm muting him.

  Sarge : Alright, let's play another!

  Donut : Dude, I am not wearing that armor again.

  Sarge : Same teams?

  Church : Yeah, same teams. New map.

  Tucker , Church , Donut , Caboose , Simmons , Sarge , Grif : New map!

• [PSA presenting the difference between Real Life and the Internet. Title card reads "Discussing Politics: Real Life"] 

  Church : [calmly, but assertively]  Look, that's just how I feel about it.

  Sarge : Well, I disagree, but I respect your opinion.

  [title card appears reading "Discussing Politics: the Internet", and suddenly cut into a chaotic battlefield] 

  Church : [shouts]  You deserve to die! Die and go to hell and burn!

  Sarge : [shouts]  Well, I hope you get raped? twice! Then maybe you'll feel differently? Jerk!

  Grif : We don't *need* to find weapons of mass destruction, we just need to *want* to! That's how it works!

  Simmons : I voted for Nader; I hate everyone!

  Frank DuFresne : Have you considered changing your homepage to MoveOn.org?

  Donut : Politics gets me sooo horny! Check out my webcam pics at PresidentialSluts.com!

• Donut : Defenses are established, Sarge!

  [Sheila the tank, under Simmons' command, destroys part of the red base*] 

  Donut : Cancel that, Sarge - defenses are destroyed.

• Donut : [in reference to Doc/O'Malley's swift run up to the teleporters]  Wow that guy is wicked fast!

  Doc : Thanks! I lettered in track in high school! It was the least directly competitive sport I could find!

  Grif : Track sucks!

  O'Malley : YOU suck!

• Donut : [searching in Ghost for Grif]  Grif! Grif! Oh Griiiiif!

  [he finds him] 

  Donut : Oh! Hi Grif! There you are!

  Grif : [sighs] 

  Donut : I've been looking all over for you! I looked inside the base, I looked around the base, I looked on top of the base, I looked insided the base again...

  Grif : I think you need to learn what "All over" means.

  Donut : Anyway, Sarge wants you to come back and...

  Grif : Forget it! I'm not coming back!

  Donut : Why?

  Grif : It's SARGE. I know he's not going to call me to help him eat ice cream! He's gonna make me do stuff. Work stuff.

  Donut : But...

  Grif : Look, Donut. I know you're riding high on your new promotion, but don't think you can boss me around. Me and Simmons, we had a system. He didn't tell me what to do, and I didn't ignore him.

  Donut : You ignored him all the time!

  Grif : I'm sorry, what? I wasn't listening. See? The system works! Learn the system, Donut!