Idiocracy (2006)

Earl Mann: Narrator

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Narrator : As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent. But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species.

• Narrator : The #1 movie in America was called "Ass." And that's all it was for 90 minutes. It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay.

• [last lines] 

  Narrator : Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world. Vice President Frito took 8 wives and had a total of 32 kids. Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the Earth. OK, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind, but he got the ball rolling, and that's pretty good for an average guy.

• Narrator : Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them.

• Narrator : The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections.

• Narrator : Joe decided that in order to get out of jail, he would have to use his superior diplomacy skills.

  Pvt. Joe Bowers : [talking to the prison guard]  Hey, uh... I'm actually supposed to be getting out of jail, not going back in...

  Prison Guard #2 : [hits Joe on the back of the head]  You're supposed to be in that line, dumbass!

  [he points to the door] 

  Prison Guard #2 : Hey, guys, let this dumbass out!

• Narrator : [Time Masheen starts]  We're gonna take you back, to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world...

  Narrator : ...But then an even greater force emerged, the U.N.

  [pronounced "un"] 

  Narrator : and the U.N. un-nazied the world - forever.

• Narrator : Joe stated his case logically and passionately, but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales of stupid laughter.

• Narrator : Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water, virtually everywhere. Water, the basic component of all life, had been deemed a threat to Brawndo's profit margin. The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330, when the Brawndo Corporation simply bought the F.D.A. and the F.C.C., enabling them to say, do, and sell, anything they wanted.

• Narrator : Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession... was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons.

• Narrator : After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason, and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants, and that they wanted water. He made believers out of everyone.

• Narrator : He would soon discover that in the future, justice was not only blind, but had become rather retarded as well.

• Narrator : President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone that Joe would solve all their problems. He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy, but he would cure acne and carsickness as well. And if he didn't, President Camacho made another promise. He would kick Joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth. And then, he would throw his brainy ass back in jail.