- [from trailer]
- [Monica places a condom in his shirt]
- Monica Garcia: This is just in case you miraculously manage to utter something remotely intelligent.
- Monica Garcia: So, how long have you been having morning sickness?
- Sofia: 2 weeks.
- Monica Garcia: Any other symptoms? You horny?
- Sofia: No.
- Monica Garcia: You're horny!
- Sofia: Maybe a little... Oh god. Ok, ok, ok. A lot. Very horny, Monica. Horny all the time. Horny before morning sickness, horny after morning sickness, and horny between. Horny, horny, horny, horny.
- Monica Garcia: I've never seen you horny before.
- Sofia: I'm supposed to meet that doctor from the ER.
- Sofia: I'm thinking of canceling.
- Monica Garcia: Why?
- Sofia: Because, he'll say a compliment like "Hello, how are you?" and I'm afraid that I'll start humping his leg like a dog.
- Sofia: I'm very disappointed in you Max. First, you break into my apartment. Then, you hit a girl.
- Max: Your not mad at me about hitting Kenny?
- Sofia: No, that one I can forgive. He's a pervert and he should be stopped. But, I don't want you hitting Charlie. If she tries to kiss you, kiss her back.
- Max: No way!
- Sofia: Women don't like men who give in too easily. Trust me. She kisses you because she loves a challenge.
- Max: Why?
- Sofia: Because... because women are like locas. That's why.
- Max: I thought she kisses me because she thinks I'm cute.