Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)
Téa Leoni: Jane Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Jane Harper : We might be in a little bit of a pickle, Dick.
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Dick Harper : [after watching the news saying he is going to be indicted] Indicted?
Jane Harper : That's not fair! They made you go on that show.
Dick Harper : Did you hear what they said, Jane? I'm gonna be indicted.
Jane Harper : Yeah, but you only said what they told you...
Dick Harper : Indicted, Jane! Indicted! I'm gonna be indicted!
Jane Harper : No, it's gonna be okay.
Dick Harper : INDICTED!
Jane Harper : Honey, Dick...
Dick Harper : INDICTED!
Jane Harper : Honey...
Dick Harper : [runs out of the room] I'M GONNA BE INDICTED!
Jane Harper : Hold it, they can't. It's gonna be okay, just calm down.
Dick Harper : [runs back into the room] I can't calm down, I'm gonna be indicted!
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Dick Harper : [holding McCallister at gunpoint] I've been terminated, bankrupted, deported and blackmailed because of you, and I'm not leaving here without your money.
Jack McCallister : What are you gonna do, Dick? Shoot me if I don't approve that form?
Dick Harper : Write me a check.
Jack McCallister : You are kidding me.
Jane Harper : Dick, it's not going to do us any good. He's just going to cancel it the minute we walk out of here.
Dick Harper : [eyes watering, getting emotional] I don't care... I don't care. I'm not walking out of this bank empty-handed.
Jack McCallister : ...Alright. Alright, Dick, I'm gonna write you a check. I'm gonna need my hand back though.
Dick Harper : Gladly.
[releases grip]
Jack McCallister : Alright, yes sir, I'm gonna write you that check, and what's more I'm not gonna cancel it as soon as I leave the bank because I think it takes alotta cojones to do what you two have done here today, and I admire that. So, here you go. Just a little something to show you what I think you're worth.
[hands him a check for $100]
Jack McCallister : Y'all take care now.
[McCallister leaves; Jane approaches a dejected Dick tenderly]
Jane Harper : Honey... sweetie... give me the squirt gun.
Dick Harper : [not looking at her] Do you still have McCallister's form?
Jane Harper : Yeah, why?
[Dick looks up at her holding McCallister's check]
Dick Harper : Because I just got his signature.
[He holds up a fountain pen]
Dick Harper : Weren't you an art major?
[Jane realizes that, just like McCallister, she's been had by Dick]
Jane Harper : [quietly excited] Dick Harper! I was completely fooled! I didn't know you could act!
Dick Harper : Hon. In 10th grade, I played Biff in "Death of a Salesman". See how I got my eyes all watering up? Yes, sir. It's all right there.
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Jane Harper : Our lawn was repossessed today. I didn't know they could even do that.
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Jane Harper : [sees her lawn getting repossessed] Hector, what's going on? What, what happened?
Hector : Your check go bouncy-bounce. But it's okay, I heard what happened to your husband. Not everybody can afford landscaping like this.
Jane Harper : Hector, please!
Hector : I am sorry, Miss Jane.
Jane Harper : [sees her neighbor] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, NO! This is all- everything is all WRONG! I want this out. Roll it all up! I ordered Kentucky Bluegrass! This! Is! GREEN!
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Dick Harper : [sees Jane's swollen face] Aah! Holy hell!
Jane Harper : I did this little cosmetics test, and I had a little reaction... is it really that bad?
Dick Harper : No, it's not so bad. It's just... different.
Day Laborer : Hey Dick, can we talk about these some other time?
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Dick Harper : We're all just cavemen, Trying to protect our little patch of land. Well now I've got a club, and I'm gonna take what I need.
Jane Harper : Maybe you should steal some Prozac
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Jane Harper : [posing as a Jeet Kun Do instructor] My name is Jane and I'll be your instructor here today for beginners' Jee Kum Pow.
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[brainstorming ways to come up with money]
Dick Harper : Well... there's always prostitution.
Jane Harper : Dick!
Dick Harper : I mean me.
