Arrested Development (2003– )
Jessica Walter: Lucille Bluth
Photos
Quotes
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Waitress : Plate or platter?
Lucille : I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.
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Gob : [talking about his new boat] The Seaward.
Michael : You're not getting a boat.
Gob : [doing rock, paper, scissors] One, two, three.
Michael : You're not gonna do it...
[does rock]
Michael : .
Gob : Paper covers rock.
Michael : Fine, but rock sinks boat.
Lucille : [entering room] Michael.
Michael : Just a minute mom.
[to GOB]
Michael : . Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille : I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
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Michael Bluth : [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille : You would do that to your brother?
Michael Bluth : I said "cot".
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Lindsay Funke : Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille : Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair.
[server sets a dessert of Bananas Foster on fire]
Lucille : You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay Funke : That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol."
Lucille : Mine was better.
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Narrator : For the first time, Lucille prays...
Lucille : [Praying] Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war.
Narrator : And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage...
[Buster swims in the ocean]
Person : Loose seal. Watch out for loose seal.
Buster : [Thinking he means Lucille] I don't care about Lucille. She lies.
Narrator : ...and then a seal bites off his hand.
Lucille : Amen.
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Lucille : You idiots. If your father sees me here with Wayne...
Michael : ...we'll be stuck with Barry.
Wayne Jarvis : I shall hide behind that garbage car.
[and does just that]
Michael : Guy's a pro.
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Lucille : What's a Forget-Me-Now?
Gob : They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.
Tobias Fünke : Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
Lucille : Those are illegal.
Gob : Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.
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Buster : Mom is becoming a little controlling.
Michael : What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?
Buster : That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there.
Michael : You baited the balcony?
Lucille Bluth : Prove it.
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Lucille : [after beating Kitty at a drinking contest] I've got to get back to rehab.
Man at Bar : [in background] SHE'S IN REHAB.
[people cheer]
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General Garvey : [Lucille is trying to get Buster out of combat by visiting the General, an old boyfriend of hers from her USO days] I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do.
Lucille : Is there anything *I* can do?
General Garvey : Well, maybe if you go?
[leans back in his chair]
General Garvey : ?downtown.
Lucille : [grins] Oh, I haven't done that in thirty years.
[pauses, then sings]
Lucille : When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go downtown.
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Lucille : [shrieking at a waiter] Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear.
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Barry Zuckerkorn : It would help if you all showed up, looking like a loving, supportive family.
Lucille : For how long?
Barry Zuckerkorn : Ten minutes tops.
Lucille : See if you can get it down to five.
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Lucille : I bought it using the new unfrozen stock as soon as I received the memo.
Michael Bluth : You mean, the memo that specifically told you not to sell?
Lucille : Did it say that? I stopped after "unfrozen."
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[Buster has shown up at his father's hearing with a mariachi band]
Lucille : Oh, for God's sake. He's out of the house for two days and he joins a gang.
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Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car.
George Sr. : Up yours Granny.
Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
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Lucille : Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason.
George Sr. : Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?
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Michael : [At Police Station, on phone to Lucille] They're keeping me over night while I wait for my arraignment. I'd appreciate it if you could tell my son that I'm on a business trip.
Lucille : Why can't the girl at work do it?
Michael : Tobias? I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs.
Lucille : Well, you better hope Lindsay doesn't find out. She'll be devastated.
Lindsay Funke : [Enters room] Find out what?
Lucille : Your husband's dating Kitty, the whore.
Lindsay Funke : He is? That's horrible.
[Exits]
Lucille : [to Michael] Do I know my daughter?
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[after Lucille gives Maeby a jeweled elephant brooch that Lindsay was supposed to inherit]
Lindsay Funke : That was supposed to be for me. She was my au pair. I'm the one who cleared my throat and pointed to the laundry room. Ma. You know I wanted that.
Lucille Bluth : I know. But it's an elephant and I didn't want to invite the comparison.
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Lucille Bluth : Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out?
Gob : She's not "*that* Mexican," Mom, she's "*my* Mexican." And she's Colombian or something.
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[re:Carl Weathers]
Lucille : Guess who's coming to dinner?
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Lucille Bluth : I'm going to Annyong's soccer awards ceremony, and...
Annyong : Annyong.
[everyone glares at Annyong]
Lucille Bluth : ...and I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are.
Gob : Yeah, I think that they're gonna know that Annyong's not...
Annyong : Annyong.
Gob : [screaming] ... would somebody *please* tell this insufferable child to... GOD.
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Michael Bluth : Why are you squeezing me with your body?
Lucille Bluth : It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.
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Michael : G. O. B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters.
Lucille : Michael?
Michael : It's Mom. Hide.
Gob : You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some.
Michael : No.
Lucille : Michael?
Gob : He's in here, Mom.
Michael : Come on.
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Lucille Bluth : I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael Bluth : Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother.
Lucille Bluth : Well, this is why people hate hospitals.
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Lindsay Funke : Barry, did you talk to a doctor?
Barry Zuckerkorn : I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that?
[Cut to a shot of a rest area]
Lucille Bluth : She was talking about George.
Barry Zuckerkorn : Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets.
[Cut to a shot of the rest area]
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Lucille Bluth : Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister.
Michael Bluth : I hope she's okay...
Lucille Bluth : She's awful. Can barely wash a dish.
[Lucille sees Lupe cleaning the inside of the fireplace]
Lucille Bluth : Uh oh. She better not walk through here after she's been in there.
[to Lupe]
Lucille Bluth : Tell me you've got an exit strategy.
Michael Bluth : [chiding her] Mother...
Lucille Bluth : Oh, please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.
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Lucille : Buster. Thank God you're back. There's no shame in being a coward.
Buster : A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS?
[holds out a stuffed seal]
Lucille : What the hell is that?
Buster : These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.
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Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car.
George Sr. : [Passing by George Sr] Up yours Granny.
Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
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[after being declined entrance in to a high end restaurant]
Lindsay Funke : Let's just go, I've suddenly lost my appetite.
Lucille Bluth : Oh, who's gonna believe that?
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Lucille : [talking to the press about her husband] The media has him out to be some sort of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.
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[Lindsay walks into the Ten Commandments and breaks her shoe]
Lucille : They're just heels, honey. They can only support so much weight.
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Lucille Bluth : You'd think a man locked up in prison would able to abstain. Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man.
[Everyone cringes]
Barry Zuckerkorn : They still look fabulous.
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Lucille : Oscar says that this walk, "Recharges his chi." I call it, "An excuse for him to score more pot and wave his ass at the co-eds".