Julian McMahon credited as playing...
Dr. Christian Troy
- Christian Troy: Sorry I'm late.
- Miss Wentworth: Have a seat, Mr. McNamara.
- Christian Troy: It's Troy. Dr. Christian Troy.
- Miss Wentworth: I'm confused. I thought you were his father.
- Christian Troy: I am. I'm his, uh, biological father.
- Matt McNamara: I have 2 dads.
- Miss Wentworth: Well, was there a divorce? Oh, got it. 2 dads. Emily Willis has 2 momies. We're seeing more and more of this.
- Christian Troy: Matt's father is my partner, Dr. Sean McNamara.
- Miss Wentworth: I understand.
- Matt McNamara: They're not gay, Miss Wentworht. My Mom slept with Christian before she married my Dad.
- Adrian Moore: Technically, I don't have any father figures, but Matt's living in my house and screwing my Mom, so I pretend he's my Dad.
- Ava Moore: It's true, Miss Wentworth. Matt and I are lovers. I was his life coach.
- Adrian Moore: You see, Matt has a problem. He's a premature ejaculator.
- Miss Wentworth: Ok, enough. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special.
- Christian Troy: You had no right to fire my nanny.
- Gina Russo: I don't want my child around cheap common whores.
- Christian Troy: He's around you all the time. Oh correction, you're an expensive whore.
- Christian Troy: None of us get out alive. Now you can huddle in a group and face it one day at a time, or you could be grateful that when your body rubs against someone else's, it explodes with enough pleasure that you can forget, even for a minute, that you're only a walking pile of ashes.
- Christian Troy: You didn't have an orgasm, is that right?
- Grace Santiago: Not a shudder.
- Christian Troy: You're a liar. I rode you like a triple crown jockey, and you came.
- Grace Santiago: Get out of my face right now.
- Christian Troy: I counted each contraction. Three times. Or were you doing your Kegel exercises?
- Grace Santiago: [whispers] Lock the door.
- Christian Troy: Can I buy you a drink?
- Kimberly Henry: I don't drink.
- Christian Troy: May I buy you an appetizer?
- Kimberly Henry: I don't eat. I'm a model.
- Sean McNamara: Remember, We're treating a patient here, not just a vagina.
- Christian Troy: That's easy for you to say. You've never been with Vagina Gina.
- Christian: [in reference to the vandalizing of his car] I'm serious, I felt violated. The last time I felt like this was back in the early 90s when some girl shoved her finger up my butt with no warning.
- Christian Troy: I think I work better on women I've screwed. Once you've seen a woman's cumface, you've seen her soul.
- Sean McNamara: Matt's having trouble at school, and he told you this?
- Christian Troy: He's torn up. I guess he was showering in gym and shit and some tough guys were laughing at him and calling him AntEater.
- Sean McNamara: AntEater?
- Christian Troy: Basically, he's self-conscious about his dick, and he wants a circumcision.
- Sean McNamara: He doesn't need a circumcision. That's a vanity operation.
- Christian Troy: We're in the vanity business, Sean. It's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid. It's how you fit in. Snip, snip, he feels better about himself, and you, sir, can make that happen. How cool is fatherhood?
- Sean McNamara: I'm not doing anything to my son's penis or my wife's breasts. I don't want my family infected by what we do here.
- Christian Troy: [addressing a competing plastic surgeon who's wearing a white suit] Merrill. You look like a Q-Tip.
- [in a bar where industrial music is playing, Christian moves in on a younger woman]
- Christian Troy: Would you believe the shit that passes for music these days?
- 25 Year Old Woman: You should come here Wednesdays, it's oldies night.
- Christian: The line that divides the porn industry and the plastic surgery is a thin one. We're both selling fantasy, aren't we?
- Salesman: You liked Gina before she conceived, you're gonna love her now, she's a tigress!
- Christian Troy: Did you screw her?
- Salesman: Well... yeah. She told me about your guys situation, I thought you were cool!
- Christian Troy: [shoves salesman] You're bragging to me about banging the mother of my unborn child, and you think I'm cool with that? What kind of sick freak are you?
- Salesman: She told me you weren't together!
- Christian Troy: What's the difference? That's my god damn child you're poking at!
- Salesman: She was just so lonely and beautiful. You can't see it, but I can!
- Christian Troy: [knocks salesman down] Cancel my order! Stay away from my kid!
- Sean McNamara: Are you saying that I have your ineptitude to thank for my success?
- Christian Troy: No, you have my 10 inch dick to thank.
- Gina Russo: What's the matter, Christian, not turned on by pregnant women?
- Christian Troy: No, just not turned on by you.
- [during an operation]
- Sean McNamara: You're shaving too deep.
- Christian Troy: It's fine.
- Sean McNamara: Do you want it fine or do you want it perfect?
- Christian Troy: I'm a wildly successful plastic surgeon and I have a 33-inch waist. I'm a superhero, so now I'm going to put my cape back on and get back out there.