Die You Zombie Bastards! (2005) User Reviews

Well, at least it's not a musical

[Tromafreak · 4/10 · 26 May 2010]

*SIGH*... Alright, look. I'm perfectly aware that there's much, much worse out there in the way of B-entertainment. But, come on. Must Die You Zombie Bastards! be THAT ridiculous? I mean, tone it down some, your'e not a Troma movie, get over it. Over the top is one thing, but this overly ambitious silliness almost resembles something like Drawn Together from Comedy Central, more so than a Troma, which just has to be what they were going for. That, and maybe Chris Seaver, and let me tell ya, this one ain't no LBP epic, either. On the other hand, Die You Zombie Bastards! still has a lot going for it, that is, if you're only watching for the excessive, comical gore. Otherwise, this movie is just irritating

Die You Zombie Bastards is about a serial Killer, Red Toole. Red Toole enjoys murdering, mutilating, and eating human flesh, and like a lot of confused young men, Red also really digs super-hero's, or, I guess, he think's he is one, I don't know. Anyway, Toole is a fairly easy-going fellow, he seems to really enjoy life, and why shouldn't he? Red's hobby/passion is not only tolerated by his wife, but the gorgeous Violet has also embraced his love for cannibalism, and murder. It's just an all around healthy marriage.

For every super-hero, there has to be the bad guy. Meet Nefarious. A mad scientist, with some rather unique fetish's, which cant't really be explained on this website. This guy is searching for the perfect woman, and on this day, he finds her. that's right, Toole's girl, Violet. With the help of some Zombies, and some other fake-looking things, Nefarious steals his new girlfriend, right from under Toole. From here, Red Toole embarks on a world wide (New England) journey to rescue his hot wife from the clutches of this new, rather disturbed enemy named Nefarious. From here, everything is just, joke, after gag, after pun, after baby noise, after confusing inside joke (Peanutch?). I was expecting a lot more, after reading a lot of the positive reviews. Thank's a lot, guys. That money could've gone to something awesome like The Undertaker And His Pals or TeenApe Goes To Camp.

What also gets under my skin is all the little flashbacks, sorta like in the TV show Scrubs. It's OK for Scrubs, because Scrubs isn't as stupid as this. Just doesn't fit in something like this, or maybe it does, what the hell do I know? Die You Zombie Bastards! is just a little too self-aware for my taste, it comes off more like a spoof of B-horror, which can be a good thing, but this movie just rubs me the wrong way. Aside from all this, were looking at some bold, outlandish Exploitation that will leave you exhausted if you try to understand it. Die You Zombie Bastards will force at least a couple laughs out of you, regardless of how stupid (or pathetic) you might, or might not, think it is. Recommended to those who will give anything a chance as long as super-hero's are involved, even an overly-silly, sci-fi-ish, Troma-wannabe, about a serial killing, super-hero on a stupid little mission called Die You Zombie Bastards! But hey, there's always the gore. 4/10

Just cheap and boring

[spazmodeus · 3/10 · 22 January 2007]

This movie is just amateur incompetence, not only in the way it looks (which I can forgive) but also in the acting, writing and the whole concept behind it. It's just stupid. Not campy, quirky, or even slightly clever or slightly interesting.

As anyone knows who rents a movie like this, there are dozens of excellent, cheap and hilarious zombie movies, made by people with an actual sense of humor. See, for example, Tokyo Zombie. That was a hilarious experience. Don't torture yourself with this worthless movie. It looks like something that was made just for the "buddies" of the people in it, and I'm sure they find it brilliant to watch themselves pretend to act, but the result does not need a wider release.

omg!

[trashgang · 4/10 · 27 December 2010]

Well well, what was this. I have seen the trailer and thought, well, this I must see, so I did but it was weirder than the trailer. If you are going to watch it be advised that it is really a weird movie. Don't take it seriously, but watch it with a pint of beer and some nachos. Sit down and relax and take a ride towards cheap effects (space ship, sea monster), cannibalism (a couple loves to eat human flesh), stupid hero's (red man), stupid make up (Baron Nefarious and the zombies), goofy story lines (in fact the whole movie) and the obligatory nudity (a lot of juggs and hairy kitty cats). Sometimes it's a bit boring but I must say that the acting of Tim Gerstmar is excellent. Many will find it celluloid shite others will adore it.

An enjoyable failure

[smccar77 · 2/10 · 23 February 2011]

"Die you Zombie bastards," is a film that attempts to tell a humorous tale about world domination via a zombie making machine. The main conflict is between a cannibalistic hero an alien mad scientist. While this is an enjoyable film, the end product contains almost no redeemable film making. In essence, the film is a lengthy inside joke told very poorly.

The main problems with the film lie in the assumptions that it presumes. First, odd and sociopathic behavior are used as the driving force of humor. This assumption is not in and of itself flawed. However, use of socially taboo behavior as a joke does require some finesse and context to be effective. "DYZB," provides the bare minimum of context. The audience is made aware that the story takes place on earth and is conducted by people best described as stupid. Such a stark and simplistic context causes all attempts at humor to appear as puerile silliness and shock rather than comedy with any depth. A second assumption is that taboo characters are something that people want to see. To be fair, the idea of a cannibalistic hero was a drawing point. Yet, the utter lack of any development leads a viewer to disconnect the character from the actor. Essentially, one sees a person moving around and one knows that the character is a cannibal, yet, one does not necessarily care. The attempt to bolster a shockingly low budget film with quirky characters is a complete failure. A last assumption is that stringing a series of sketches together will lead to a full story and film. This is only half correct. "DYZB," is technically a film; however, it is quite fairly critiqued as being devoid of story. Basically, the film is summarized as: A man searches for his wife and also saves the world from a zombie machine. While it is true that many great ideas begin small, this is neither great nor an idea really. "DYZB," is a fragmented set of scenes loosely tied together by an incoherent idea and characterless characters.

The above critique is purposefully harsh. The film is actually objectively bad. The production qualities are nil. The camera and camera work are sub-par. The acting ranges from wooden to overdone. The editing and story pacing is amateur at its best moments. The sound and special effects are all clearly purchased at a dollar store. In essence, this is a terrible film. With all of the above said, the film is actually enjoyable. The bad of this film is humorous. "DYZB," is clearly a stupid idea loved into existence by film students who are probably slightly behind the curve. The point that shines through is that fun was had during the making of this film. Despite being a technical and storytelling failure, the film has brief moments that are both fun and humorous. Basically, this is a film made more for the people in it than for an audience; yet, sometimes the audience is included in the joke.

On a personal note, I will recommend this film to exactly one friend. It is technically a zombie film and thus part of the full zombie experience. The only other advice I have is: 1) Watch this with a group of people. 2) Be drunk or somehow intoxicated. 3) Expect nothing of value.

Like a movie you made... but you're not in it.

[jk2two · 1/10 · 4 July 2011]

If anyone ever tells me they have an idea for a movie but can't get it made, I will tell them about Die You Zombie Bastards! - an ambitiously bad indie horror flick packed full of every single bad idea everyone on set could think of. An involved and needlessly complicated script tells a story so completely amateurish and grade school that it simply can't be funny. Lead Tim Gerstmar deliberately overacts which is always a bad idea for a non-actor. I understand they're taking delight in being cheesy and stupid, but it is just too much to handle. Unless you are a huge fan of independent cinema, or actually had a part in making this, I can't imagine liking it. This reminds me of films I made with my friends on a camcorder when we were in high school. I go back and can barely watch those, and I was in them. This is like watching those films, but without the personal connections. While I appreciate this film took 5 years to make, and the editing and soundtrack are respectable, it can't make up for the complete lack of humor, horror, or anything worthwhile. The only thing I could say is that there are plenty of boobies... but most of them aren't very good, well they're good, but it doesn't seem to help matters much. Though I'm not a fan of rating 10s or 1s.... this one really is a waste of your eyesight - don't bother.

I should have known before the opening credits were over...

[Mister-Creeper · 2/10 · 18 March 2010]

that this film was not worth wasting my time on. I can't even give one good reason why anyone should ever even think about viewing it. It does have gore and nudity, but even that isn't worth a peek. Does it have acting? Sure it does...but my dog could do better. Hell, even Porn Stars act better than this! As bad as this film is, I still give it a 2 because truth is...I've seen worse. If you want to watch a no-budget, bad-acting, much funnier zombie flick, then I suggest you watch REDNECK ZOMBIES instead. Die You Bastard Film, Die! ...and the music is terrible. If I hear "Die You Zombie Bastards" yelled one more time by whoever it is that is trying to sing, I'm gonna punch a hole in my TV. Avoid this film at all costs!

How bad can one movie suck

[shonufftx22 · 1/10 · 28 May 2011]

I would go 0 for a rating if the site would let me. The English language does not contain the words to describe how bad the film is. This high school film (what it looks like at least) is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Honestly the first 10 minutes of the film started out looking kind of funny like the flash back scenes from Men in Black. Then I realized it was the actual movie. There are like 3-4 zombies that answer to a zombie master, the scene changes are incoherent at best, and the dialogue is terrible. Save the hour and a half, or what ever time you don't waste while not skipping ahead and go watch something else. This one sucks. I write these to save you the trouble and your time.

What about the blue smoke?

[melloyellobiafra · 10/10 · 6 April 2006]

I saw this movie during a screening in Providence and have been unable to get it out of my head. This leads to unpleasant situations in public places, where I will think of something from the movie and start laughing like a maniac much to the distress of those around me.

This movie starts off by introducing us to the unusual world of a serial killer with a heart gold named Red Toole. He enjoys killing hippies, wearing costumes made of human flesh and spending quality time at home with his wife Violet.

When Violet is kidnapped by a deformed Mad Scientist named Baron Nefarious, Red sets out on a thoroughly bizarre journey in hopes of getting her back.

That is more or less the plot, but how Red gets from point A to point B is so funny and ridiculous that it wouldn't do it justice to try and explain it here. This is one you have to see for yourself.

If I were an unoriginal S.O.B. I'd say this movie was like Airplane meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But I'm not and besides that would probably make you think of the Scary Movie series and this is nothing like those lame flicks. Sadly, I am not as clever as the makers of this film so I will have to say this movie is kind of like a cross between Top Secret and Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, except with more fish monsters and naked zombie girls.

When I grow up I want to be Red Toole or president, maybe both. I love this movie, you will too. If you don't then there is obviously something wrong with you.

Bizarre And Fun Troma-Style Horror/Comedy...

[EVOL666 · 7/10 · 18 January 2007]

I gotta be honest, for a film that has cameos by porn legend Jamie Gillis and rockabilly legend Hasil Adkins, and the music of The Tombstone Brawlers, Phantom Creeps, and Los Gatos Locos - I figured I might like this one more. Don't get me wrong, DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS! is definitely a goofy bit of Troma-style horror/comedy fun, but I'm not really into these types of films to begin with, so I guess it really shouldn't come as any big surprise that I didn't love it. I don't know if I could even begin to describe the plot in this one, as it's really all over the place, but I'll give the short version.

Red Toole is a goofy serial-killer whose wife Violet is kidnapped by a ghoulish pervert named Dr. Nefarious. Red becomes a super-hero in order to save his wife and enlists the help of several strange characters to help...

Honestly, that is the BAREST of descriptions as to what DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS! is really about. There are TONS of bizarre situations and weirdo characters in this one. Some of the humor is actually funny, some of it is the typical Troma-ish "splat-stick" stuff that I don't care too much for. The cameos by Adkins and especially Gillis are definitely notable and the soundtrack is great too. A good bit of fun and pretty original, especially if you like these types of films, but I definitely wouldn't consider it any sort of masterpiece either...7/10

Garbage with a capital G...

[MrGKB · 2/10 · 26 February 2010]

...and perhaps a direct insult to garbage itself, "DYZB" is the sort of haphazard visual and storytelling mess that no one in their right mind would ever leave on their resume. You know just by the title that it's going to be lo-fi trash, but this one gives a bad name to lo-fi AND trash. "DYZB" is just about as unwatchable as anything I've seen in recent memory, and that includes some pretty wretched material. Of course, as soon as I saw the name of master thespian, Jamie ("Mine's bigger than yours!") Gillis, in the credits, I knew expectations had to be kept low. Unfortunately, I didn't realize quite HOW low.

This film needs no recitation of names involved, as I just mentioned the only name you'd ever recognize in a million years, and absolutely no one involved in this sad affair will ever--also in a million years--ever go on to achieve anything worth mentioning.

Just take it on faith: this is crap without a single redeeming feature; even the bare boobies can't redeem it. It's the sort of film that cheapens the term, "film," and makes hacks like Rob Zombie seem like an Oscar-winner by comparison. Every single minute you spend with this one will be a minute you will regret having wasted for the rest of your life. You have been warned.

Truly Brilliant!

[tomlinpaige · 10/10 · 28 February 2004]

Die You Zombie Bastards! is a wonderful slice of trash cinema for anyone who is a fan of troma films or just good films in general. The dialogue, casting, special effects and plot are all far better than one would expect a troma film (toxic avenger, etc.) to be. It is amazing that this young director could have such a great eye for what makes a good shot.

not only is this film incredibly freaky, it is also quite funny in places. Some parts were so stunning that it made me wish i could rewind it just to make sure I saw it right.

This film definitely deserves a DVD release, and someday will be seen as a classic in the genre. It is the best film of its kind ever made. An utter masterpeice. I give it 10/10.

Fairly entertaining.

[Hey_Sweden · 6/10 · 10 May 2012]

Deliberately off the wall and over the top goof ball comedy suffers from what has been described to this viewer as the "trying too hard" syndrome. In this case, the makers of the film are trying too hard to aspire to Troma-esque heights of lunacy and create an instant cult sort of film. When it comes right down to it, this movie goes on a little too long and gets too tiresome at times. It's awfully crude and immature - there's more than enough penis jokes on hand - but then, one has to assume that that was the whole point. All things considered, "Die You Zombie Bastards!" is still a reasonable amount of fun, and gets by on its incredible enthusiasm and fearlessness, as it adopts a "let's throw all kinds of stuff at the wall and see what sticks" approach. It *does* feature some appreciably wacky ideas, as a highly unlikely "hero" named Red (Tim Gerstmar) finds that his wife Violet (Pippi Zornoza) has been abducted by a scheming villain appropriately named Don Nefarious (Geoff Mosher), who's constructed a diabolical machine dubbed the EnormoZombotron that turns unlucky schmucks into pink haired, green skinned zombies. Unfortunately, one thing that happens here is that the movie gets a little repetitive as Red has one encounter after another, as each supposedly helpful individual he meets refers him to another person. Still, there are some fun character moments spread throughout. Sandra Kennedy is particularly delicious as Super Inga. Some schlock fans watching should note the generous dose of bare female flesh on display. The eclectic soundtrack includes a number of entertaining alternative artists, with Paul Leary of The Butthole Surfers prominently featured; rockabilly artist Hasil Adkins plays himself in the movie, and is a hoot, even when his dialogue gets incoherent. In a special guest star role is porn legend Jamie Gillis, in the role of Stavros, making his last appearance in a feature film. Makeup and visual effects are strictly of the aggressively tacky and therefore highly amusing variety. Not that any of us would expect much else from a movie with this title, anyway. With nods to "Clash of the Titans" and "Jaws" along the way, "Die You Zombie Bastards!" isn't as fun as this viewer would have liked, but is also pretty hard to dislike. At least it goes all out for an "everything and the kitchen sink" style finale. Just don't take the title too literally and expect much in the way of actual zombies. Troma boss Lloyd Kaufman is actually featured as the announcer of the game show. Six out of 10.

Win my award for the worst movie EVER!

[toddlorensinclair · 1/10 · 6 August 2009]

This ... I won't call it a movie .. that would be too kind ... It is the worst piece of drivel I've ever seen that actually had a listing on IMDb. I am shocked that anyone would invest money in something like this ... even Cheech and Chong on their worst day wouldn't touch this stinker with a 10 foot pole.

Its like a middle schools drama club trying to make a movie that resembles the Monty Python style only they never saw Monty Python.

I don't know how to describe it ... maybe clerks, and earnest goes to jail crossed with Ring of the Nebelungs and a dash of Shaun of the Dead? ... Only 100 times worse.

I'm truly ashamed that I even watched 10 minutes of this awful tripe.

really boring and stupid

[horrormoviefan101 · 2/10 · 27 November 2010]

I saw this movie on netflix with some friends over the summer. Being a serious zombie movie fan, you can imagine that I was super excited to find a movie that was actually titled "Die You Zombie Bastards". Of course, I wasn't expecting much considering it was a B-movie, but even those can have some redeemable values. Unfortunately, there was very little to nothing worth liking about this movie. One of the main problems with this film is that it's boring. Several times, we found ourselves fast forwarding through some scenes because they were dragging along and have no meaning or relevance whatsoever. Also, the gore in this movie isn't great either. I know that it's meant to be cheap, but it just sucked. And on top of that, the movie really isn't that funny. There were maybe a handful of short scenes that actually made me laugh, the scenes with the two cops especially got me giggling, "Peanutch!". Other than that, there's not much else to say about this movie: the jokes are dumb, the characters are too irritating to be endearing (the guy who plays Red is especially annoying), and like I said, it's boring. So, in all, I would advise skipping this one, even if you're into purposely bad movies, this one just isn't worth it. This may be tolerable if you're with a group of friends, but by yourself, forget about it.

Troma wishes they did it

[shawnblackman · 5/10 · 8 October 2016]

A horror comedy that should have been A Troma movie if you ask me. This one has an evil Baron living on a island who has just devised a zombotron that will turn people into green zombie slaves. The Baron kidnaps a serial killers wife setting the husband on a heroic journey to get her back.

This one was pretty good. Not much of a budget but it keeps you laughing. You got everything in this film from robots to giant houseflies and even rockabilly legend Hasil Adkins playing himself. Porn legend Jamie Gillis pops up in it a couple of times. There is regular nudity and zombie nudity. Overall a good time to be had and you won't get brain strain trying to figure anything out.

Blue Smoke!

[tbkemp · 8/10 · 19 March 2007]

How can you not love this movie? Zombies, ninjas, robots, Vlad the Impaler, a former male porn star and poorly behaved dog-men! Oh, and hot topless zombie chicks. Hot. Topless. Zombie. Chicks. They couldn't have pirates because having them on-screen with all the others would create a "coolness overload" that might just destroy the planet. The movie makes almost no sense and the acting is atrocious but that doesn't really matter. If you love cheesy flicks you'll love this. The only reason it's not a 10 is every time I looked at the leading man's face my teeth began to hurt. Seriously, dude looks like he's been living on a diet of aluminum foil, broken glass and scrap metal.

Why on Earth have you put me though this horrible ordeal?

[lastliberal · 6/10 · 4 June 2008]

It is a shame that archaeologists Jennifer K. Beal, Sadie Blades, and Zhana LaRenard haven't had further romps. They would have added immensely to Indy's adventures.

But, sadly, it is not to be. We have to satisfy ourselves with the memories here. Our nubile ladies certainly gave a whole new meaning to beating your meat. And, I saw things done with sausages that boggle the mind. And, when it's too hot to garden...

As Red says, "Christ in heaven! I don't know how much more of this I can take." This movie is the very definition of "It's so bad, it's good."

pretty great

[sugarpussy-1 · 9/10 · 26 February 2008]

Sure, it's got it's faults, but this movie was pretty farking great. Totally original which is more than you can say for most movies. Funny, silly and while the subject matter and jokes are not taken seriously the film making is. It looks good, it moves...a lot of care went in. Too bad this movie seems to get lumped in with a lot of no budget shot on camcorder garbage. 10 years from now people will still be watching this movie (I know I will). It's a great DVD too...good commentary, funny behind the scenes featurette and some weird music videos. Sure, a lot of people will not like this movie. Movies that everyone likes usually have one major problem: they're bland. If there's on this this movie is NOT is bland.

Great Schlock Cinema; A Real Guilty Pleasure

[w00f · 10/10 · 1 March 2007]

Yes, this is cheap, tasteless, straight-to-video nastiness, and I loved every minute of it! If you're a Troma fan, you'll almost certainly love this flick. No, you won't be scared, although you may be shocked by the constant affronts to good taste.

I laughed at this... a lot. It's over the top in every way. There's tons of nudity and not-so-subtle sexual innuendo. There are many, many things that look like penises. There are boob jokes and horribly deformed nipples (thanks to Olaf the Cheese Demon!). There are squished heads and zombies in pink suits. And the lead actor delivers his lines in a consistently ham-fisted, overacted, totally hilarious style, often combined with dancer-like moves; he's clearly studied either dance or martial arts or both, and he's terrific at what he does.

If you're looking for a Troma-style comedy-horror that leans more toward comedy than horror, give this a try. And don't miss the climactic battle that involves absolutely every stereotypical B-movie monster EVER.

It's ZOMBASTIC!

red toole vs ash vs freddy vs jason?

[rbroka2-1 · 10/10 · 20 September 2007]

tim gerstmar should be nominated for an academy award for his performance as red toole.!!!?!! before you watch this film you need to ask your self why are you watching it? if you are looking for a big budget piece of s$%# that you are watching because some Hollywood jerk off said you will love it or are you looking for a good time with comedy gore and everything but a budget than you need to see this film note to mention several satisfying nude scenes. bravo!!!i would like to think that a sequel would come if more people see the film and call there congressman and demand that it be mandated that die you zombie bastards will go down in history as one of the greatest b movies of all time!Red Toole rules!!!!!!!!!!!

rubber d!cks slathered to the hilt with peanut butter?...

[ericxton · 10/10 · 26 February 2007]

where to begin ... normally im the defender of bad films ..in this case i don't need to defend this film ... if you watch it and think it sucks ..then chances are you suck .... and i mean that ...this movie literally has so much to offer...see im a man(i think) about good bad films ...some are complete crap and are just hard to watch due so many problems that low budget films have (i give props though at least they are making films)and some of those films can over come the problems with a cool story,good humor, and/or great(bad) effects, but this film was had all that and then some ....its what i believe all low budget films should be .... crazy crap ...thats the best kind of crap ...the crazy kind ....(man i wish i could say bad words on this thing ..it takes away so much)

(4), vocalist GOD IN A MACHINE

The best of the best

[adamroddis23 · 10/10 · 23 February 2019]

What a thrill! What a laugh! My go-to film for when I get high!