- Al Swearengen: God rest the souls of that poor family... and pussy's half price for the next 15 minutes.
- Al Swearengen: Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back.
- Al Swearengen: You want a blow job while I talk to you?
- Judge: No.
- Al Swearengen: I wasn't offering personally.
- Al Swearengen: In life you have to do a lot of things you don't fucking want to do. Many times, that's what the fuck life is... one vile fucking task after another.
- Calamity Jane: Maybe I will have a fuckin' drink, for sociability's sake and 'cause I'm a fuckin' drunk.
- Joanie Stubbs: What's your preference?
- Calamity Jane: That it ain't been previously swallowed.
- [Jack has just been found not-guilty of killing Wild Bill Hickock]
- Al Swearengen: What's your name, it's Jack, ain't it?
- Jack McCall: Yes, sir! You buy me a drink, I'll make my mark.
- Al Swearengen: Stick around camp, Jack - I'll make mine for you.
- Jack McCall: What in the hell is that supposed to mean?
- Al Swearengen: Means there's a horse waiting for you outside you'll want to get on before somebody murders you who gives a fuck about right and wrong - or I do.
- [Jack stares, dumbfounded]
- Al Swearengen: It's the paint, Jack. Right outside my joint.
- [whispering]
- Al Swearengen: Run for your fucking life.
- Tom Nuttall: My bicycle masters boardwalk and quagmire with aplomb. Those that doubt me... suck cock by choice.
- Al Swearengen: [while having his prick sucked] Wo-wo-wo-woah, you got a stage to catch or somethin'? Slow... the fuck... up.
- Reverend H.W. Smith: When I read the Scriptures, I do not feel Christ's love as I used to.
- Calamity Jane: Aw, is that so? That is too bad! Join the fuckin' club of most of us!
- Al Swearengen: [to Cy Tolliver] You do no wanna be a dirt-worshipping heathen from this fucking point forward,
- [to Joannie Stubbs]
- Al Swearengen: pardon my French.
- Joanie Stubbs: Oh, I speak French.
- Wild Bill Hickok: You know the sound of thunder, Mrs. Garret?
- Alma Garret: Of course.
- Wild Bill Hickok: Can you imagine that sound if I asked you to?
- Alma Garret: Yes, I can, Mr. Hickok.
- Wild Bill Hickok: Your husband and me had this talk, and I told him to head home to avoid a dark result. But I didn't say it in thunder. Ma'am, listen to the thunder.
- Wild Bill Hickok: Sure you wanna quit playing, Jack? The game's always between you and getting called a cunt.
- Tom Nuttall: Meeting adjourned, fellas, take it outside.
- Wild Bill Hickok: That dropped eye of yours looks like the hood on a cunt to me, Jack. When you talk, your mouth looks like a cunt moving.
- Jack McCall: I ain't gonna get in no gun fight with you, Hickok.
- Wild Bill Hickok: But you will run your cunt mouth at me. And I will take it, to play poker.
- Seth Bullock: [demanding conditions on buying the lot] 1,000, now. If anyone in that tent, or the building we put up, turns a playing card or pours a drink or offers a woman's services, you get the title back and keep our fuckin' money.
- Al Swearengen: What makes you talk to me in that tone of voice?
- Seth Bullock: I'm makin' a counter offer.
- Al Swearengen: You come into camp, rent my lot, within six hours you blow in a guy's eye with Wild Bill Hickok backin' your play. Next day, I'm supposed to sell you the lot, put you in business, without askin' who the fuck you are or what the fuck you're doin' here?
- Seth Bullock: As far as what happened in the street, with Bill Hickok bein' involved, that was a turn of events.
- Al Swearengen: A what?
- Seth Bullock: It was a turn... of events.
- Al Swearengen: Oh, a turn of events. Your partner calls it a coincidence. So, what with this coincidence and turn of events starin' me in the fuckin' face and five other fuckin' things I'm supposed to be payin' attention to, I still make you a sensible proposal and you answer by insulting me in my own joint.
- Sol Star: Seth didn't mean to insult you, Mr. Swearengen.
- Al Swearengen: You stay out of this! You don't know nothin' about this! You weren't here and you don't have his proxy, so why don't you do whatever you people do when you're not running your mouths off or cheatin' people out of what they earn by Christian work.
- Seth Bullock: You don't want to be talkin' that way!
- Al Swearengen: Oh, don't tell me how to talk in my own fuckin' place! Now, here's my counter offer to your counter offer - go *fuck* yourself!
- Sol Star: Seth...
- Al Swearengen: Get him... away from me!
- Francis Wolcott: I am a sinner that does not expect forgiveness. But I am not a government official.
- Reverend H.W. Smith: This is God's purpose. The not knowing the purpose is my portion of suffering.
- Doc Cochran: And is there any pain competing with the not knowing?
- Reverend H.W. Smith: I'm not in pain. There are new smells I smell, and there are parts of my body I can't feel, and His - and His love.
- Doc Cochran: And you want to continue like this?
- Reverend H.W. Smith: As he long as He wills, this must be my part. To be afraid, as well.
- Doc Cochran: Well, if this is His will, Reverend, He is a son of a bitch.
- Al Swearengen: Sometimes I wish we could just hit 'em over the head, rob 'em, and throw their bodies in the creek.
- Cy Tolliver: But that would be wrong.
- Jack McCall: Should we shake hands or something, relieve the atmosphere? I mean how stupid do you think I am?
- Wild Bill Hickok: I don't know. I just met you.
- Ellsworth: Well'm, I've got myself a working gold claim.
- Joanie Stubbs: Well, sir, is that a damn fact?
- Ellsworth: A hell of a working gold claim, and if we knew each other better I'd throw "fucking" in there somewhere.
- Joanie Stubbs: If you did I'd try to catch it.
- Ellsworth: A working fucking gold claim, Joanie, and thank you for allowing me my full range of expression.
- Cy Tolliver: Cy Tolliver, Mr. Wolcott, how do you do? And, what do you drink?
- Francis Wolcott: Kentucky bourbon, if you've got it.
- Cy Tolliver: Pour Mr. Wolcott a bourbon, Jack, and tell him it's from Kentucky.
- Seth Bullock: Any more gunplay gets answered. You call the law in Sampson, you don't get to call it off just cause you're liquored up and popular on payday.
- [Mose Manuel demands refund for his spending at the Bella Union]
- Francis Wolcott: Including youth, Mr. Manuel? And why not beauty? Not credibly restored, perhaps, but as a new non-negotiable term? Would you not have, too, your brother Charlie resurrected? Would you stipulate your envy of him being purged? Surely, you insist that Charlie retain certain defects - his ineffable self-deceptions, for example, which were your joy in life to rebuke, and purpose, so far as you had one. I suppose you would see removed those qualities which caused you to love him, and the obliviousness to danger which allowed you to shed his blood.
- Francis Wolcott: [Mose draws his gun and is shot by Bella Union guards] I want to talk to Bullock.
- Cy Tolliver: Get the fucking doc! I could have cooled that out.
- Francis Wolcott: On my order, Mr. Tolliver, Lee will burn this building, mutilating you before, during or after, as I specify, or when he chooses unless I forbid.
- Cy Tolliver: Oh, my full attention is at your disposal.
- Calamity Jane: You with that ugly fuck by your own free will, Doc?
- Doc Cochran: Yes, yes I am. I'd rather be lucky than smart.
- Al Swearengen: My oath on this; everyday that the widow sits on her ass in New York City, looks west at sunset, and thinks to herself "God bless you ignorant cocksuckers in Deadwood who strive mightily and have little money, to add to my ever increasing fortune," she'll be safe from the whiles of Al Swearengen.
- Seth Bullock: There's a blood stain on your floor.
- Al Swearengen: Yeah, I'm... I'm gonna get to that.
- Al Swearengen: Wave a penny under the Jew's nose; if they got living breath in them, brings them right around.
- Wild Bill Hickok: Some goddamn point a man's due to stop arguing with his-self and feeling twice the goddamn fool he knows he is 'cause he can't be something he tries to be every goddamn day without once getting to dinnertime and fucking it up. I don't want to fight it anymore, understand me Charlie? And I don't want you pissing in my ear about it. Can you let me go to hell the way I want to?
- Cy Tolliver: Sayin' questions in that tone and pointin' your finger at me will get you told to fuck yourself.
- Trixie: I spoke of looking out for an axe and a saw, and if I got 'em, they wouldn't be applied to buildin' nothin'. Anyways, would you want a free fuck?
- E.B. Farnum: Separate rooms, I'll arrange that by tomorrow, but today I can't fix it, unless you kill a guest.
- E.B. Farnum: Hickok's half-women friend's off somewheres on a tear. The orphan square head's in the widow's care. The widow feels put upon. She's asked me to find her some help. I suggested the gimp.
- Reverend H.W. Smith: Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted, to understand, than to be understood, to love, than to be loved... and the rest I forget.
- Seth Bullock: [to Sol Star, who just reminded Seth to do something] Anything else on your schedule I'm behind on?
- Miles Anderson: God bless you, Mr. Swearengen.
- Al Swearengen: Well, not likely. But my prospects have just improved.