The Even Stevens Movie (2003 TV Movie)

Shia LaBeouf: Louis Stevens

Photos 

Quotes 

• Louis : This morning, I thought I saw a cheeseburger doing yoga!

• Ren : [about to shove Louis over a cliff]  I cannot tell you how long I have waited for this day...

  Louis : WAIT A LITTLE BIT LONGER!

• Donnie : How could you steal all our food?

  Ren : As usual, Donnie, you have everything backwards.

  Donnie : ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?

  Ren : No. I am calling you a liar!

  Louis : You guys had to get back at us, huh? Thank you!

  Beans : But we got the evidence! How do you explain this, Louis?

  Louis : You stole my food... AND MY SHIRT? Gimme that, you little worm-eating...!

  Ren : Don't you talk to him like that!

  Louis : What, is Beansy your little boyfriend now, Ren?

  Ren : You don't have the right to talk! You caused all the trouble and you ate all the food!

  Eileen Stevens : Okay, enough. Enough, kids. Stop. You kids shouldn't fight just because your father's trying to teach me a lesson.

  Steve : And what would that be?

  Eileen Stevens : Look, Steve, I know that you're upset since you've been out of work and that you are trying to prove to Ren and Beans that you can put food in their mouths.

  Steve : What?

  Eileen Stevens : But couldn't you leave a little something for us?

  Steve : Don't twist this around! There wasn't a crumb of food left when we got up there! It's almost like you're trying to make me look bad!

  Eileen Stevens : Now you are losing it.

  Steve : DON'T TELL ME I'M LOSING IT!

  Eileen Stevens : Don't you yell in front of my family!

  Steve : IT'S MY FAMILY TOO!

  Louis : Hold on, hold on. Mom, we don't need them. We don't need them! We'll be fine on our own, thank you.

  Ren : Oh, really? Well, you can sleep out in the rain tonight!

  Louis : WE CAN AND WE WILL!

• [Louis has a remote control beach ball flying around the graduation] 

  Louis : Now time... for the confetti.

  [Presses button] 

  Beans : Confetti? I thought you said...

  [Beach ball full of spaghetti explodes] 

  Beans : ...Spaghetti!

  Louis : Beans, your lack of listening skills have finally paid off!

• Tom Gribalski : The technology is amazing.

  Twitty : It's your masterpiece!

  Tawny Dean : Are you really gonna sit in this thing all summer?

  Louis : Hold on, hold on! Don't call her a "thing!" She's my ultra-loungematic superchair.

  [push a button so that an arm gives him a soda. He drinks of it] 

  Twitty : Sweet!

  Louis : [belches]  Watch this, watch this.

  [pushing down another button so the machine quivers and gives him massage] 

  Louis : Like a thousand tiny fingers working all the right parts.

  Tawny Dean : You've brought laziness to an art form.

  [Louis pushes another button] 

  The Ultra-Loungematic Superchair : Thank-you. Taw-ny.

• Louis : Hold on. Okay, you know this is boring, and you just wanna go because you broke up with your stupid boyfriend and want to get away.

  Ren : And you just wanna stay here and sit on your stupid chair.

  Donnie : Do they have cable?

  Miles McDermott : Son, the beauty of Mandelino is there is no modern convenience of any kind.

  Donnie : Guys, this sounds kinda cool. I mean, I can run on the beach, get into football shape...

  Louis : Donnie, come on! You can run here and get in shape here. Please.

  Eileen Stevens : You know, Steve, this could be a wonderful family adventure. It could be everything we've been hoping for.

  Louis : No, Mom, listen... Listen, here's an adventure: You can stay here at home and give me breakfast and do my laundry, and that'll be an adventure. Dad, come on! Dad, listen. Dad... CAN SOMEBODY PUT A STOP TO THE MADNESS, PLEASE!

• Louis : Ren, I'm your brother, and I love messin' with you. But I would never do anything to hurt you.

• Louis : You stole my food... and my shirt?

• Ren : Well, you can sleep in the rain tonight!

  Louis : We can... and we will!

• [Beans farts in Louis's face] 

  Louis : Oh... mother of pearl, Beans! MOTHER OF PEARL! OH WOW!

  Beans : Sorry! I'm a little gassy in the morning!

• Steve : Stop it! Would the two of you get along for five minutes, please?

  Louis : No!

  Ren : No way!

• [about the slug the tribal people offered the Stevens family to eat] 

  Miles McDermott : Havin' trouble gettin' it down, huh?

  Louis : [spits slug out on Beans' head]  I, uh... I generally try to avoid snacks that leave a trail of slime.

• Louis : So, you say bye to Jason?

  Ren : Yeah, for now. Hey... thank you. This time you didn't ruin things so bad.

• Louis : [pulls out second chair] 

  [to Tawny] 

  Louis : Come sit next to papa.

  Tom Gribalski : I'll sit next to papa any time!

• Louis : [to Miles]  Gotcha!

• Louis : Wanna sit right here next to papa?

  [Tawny looks at him, but then smiles and walks towards the plane]