The Whole Ten Yards (2004)

Kevin Pollak: Lazlo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lazlo : You locked my son in the trunk?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : No! No, sir. He locked himself in there.

  Lazlo : [pause]  This I believe.

• Lazlo : You killed my Strabo.

  Jimmy Tudeski : Actually, Strabonitz was already dead. He got shot when your hitter tried to shoot us.

  Lazlo : [looks at Julie]  Is this true?

  Julie : Hey, Lazlo. Shit happens, all right?

  Lazlo : Oh, yeah? Watch this shit happen.

  [He grabs Jill's gun hand and shoots Julie] 

• [Jimmy, Oz, and Cynthia are Lazlo's prisoners; Jill, outside, has Lazlo's son hostage] 

  Lazlo : [shouting]  Where's my son?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : All right, that's it!

  Cynthia : Oz...

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : No, I've had enough!

  [suddenly tough] 

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : If you ever want to see your son again, you'll let us go right now.

  Lazlo : Is that right?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : Yeah, that's right! And if we're not out of here by 11:00, Jill's gonna put one in Strabo's forehead. Just like Jimmy put one in Janni's forehead. Oh... it wasn't pretty.

  Lazlo : [enraged]  Give me a gun.

  Jimmy Tudeski : [impressed]  Not bad, Oz.

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : Thanks.

• Lazlo : I want him dead. Yesterday! Before breakfast! Before eggs! Scrambled.

• Zevo : Boss, you want us to check the bus?

  Lazlo : As opposed to staring at the bus? OF COURSE YOU SHOULD GO CHECK THE BUS.

• Lazlo : What the fook are you assholes up to now?

• Lazlo : [in an attempt to kidnap Oz]  Now you go in and you grab him. You go in and you grab him. Now what do you do?

  Strabo : I go in and...

  Lazlo : And grab him. Now what do you do?

  Strabo : I go in and I grab him.

  Lazlo : Piece of pie.

  Strabo : No. It's cake.

  Lazlo : What did I say?

  Strabo : Pie.

  Lazlo : And what did you say?

  Strabo : Cake. No, pie.

  Lazlo : Piece of pie.

  Strabo : [gets out of car and looks back at Lazlo]  It's cake.

  [Lazlo back hand slaps him] 

• Lazlo : [to two guys tied up in the trunk of a car]  Tell everyone that Lazlo Gogolak is back in town.

  [shoots both guys] 

  Strabo : How are they gonna tell everyone when they're dead?

• Cynthia : How the hell do you know where my husband is?

  Lazlo : That was simple: LuJack.

  Cynthia : Lujack?

  Lazlo : In the Poosche.

  Strabo : No, Papa. It's... uh... You say LoJack.

  [looks at Cynthia] 

  Strabo : See? LoJack.

  Lazlo : I didn't quite hear.

  Strabo : Oh. LoJack.

  [Lazlo slaps Strabo] 

  Lazlo : Don't correct me. Don't ever correct me. Do you like getting hit, is that it? You're a freak who enjoys pain?

  Strabo : Of course not.

• [after shooting two rivals dead in a car trunk, Lazlo drives away; Strabo hands him a remote] 

  Lazlo : Oh, something else?

  [he triggers the remote; behind him, the car explodes] 

  Lazlo : Ha! That was fun!

• Lazlo : Can I ask you a questionnaire, how you found this place?

  Jill : Nice Porsche you got.

  Lazlo : [to his goons]  You still have the Porsche? Let me explain to you when we get a moment together, the concept of the secret hideout.

• Jimmy Tudeski : [Talking to Lazlo while getting shot at]  Did you hire a hitter?

  Lazlo : I can't really remember. Why? Is somebody shooting at you?

• Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : Would it be OK for me to ask you at this juncture who you are and what you're doing in my house?

  [Lazlo's people start laughing at him] 

  Lazlo : I am flabbergasted!

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : I'm sorry?

  Lazlo : Chagrined! That you don't see the resemblance in the facial structure!

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : [to Lazlo's boys]  And you guys basically understand all of this?

• Lazlo : [after sending Strabo in to kidnap Oz, Lazlo later hears ambulance sirens going off and heading towards the builing]  Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

• Lazlo : Los Angeles. How interesting. All right, we'll get going and cut them off at the piss.

• Lazlo : Put one in his head. Maybe that will make him remember.

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : If Strabo puts one in my head, how am I gonna remember anything?

  Lazlo : Shut up!

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : I'll try that then.

• Lazlo : Yermo. Zevo. We're driving to Mexico in 10 minutes. Stop drinking or you'll get an IUD.

• Lazlo : You want a slice of the pee?

• Lazlo : Your wife is in a safe...

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : My wife is in a safe?

  Lazlo : Place! Safe place! Let me finish the sentence.

• Lazlo : Do you remember... Janni Gogolak?

  [Oz bolts to his feet, Strabo punches him and shoves him back down] 

  Lazlo : Do you, or don't you...?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : What?

  Lazlo : [shouts]  Remember Janni?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : Yes, I remember Janni!

  Lazlo : Janni... was my son.

  [Oz bolts to his feet again, Strabo punches him again and shoves him back down again] 

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : Now, Mr. Gogolak, I know what you're thinking.

  Lazlo : Yes, you do?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : I think I do.

  Lazlo : You're the Amazing Kreskin?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : You're thinking that I killed your son! I did not kill your son! Jimmy Tudeski killed your son!

  Lazlo : [picks an ornament off the mantel]  You know, I collect these.

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : Really?

  Lazlo : No.

  [puts it back on the mantel] 

  Lazlo : Vere's Yimmy?

  Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky : Yimmy's dead... Jimmy's dead! They're both dead!

• Lazlo : [to Jimmy]  Let me propose something... before you start the killing.