Cedric the Entertainer Presents (2002–2003)

Cedric The Entertainer: Self - Host, Various Characters

Quotes 

• Cafeteria Lady : That's Mrs. Cafeteria Lady, Nathaniel. Now unlike yo' mama, some of us know how to keep a husband!

• Cafeteria Lady : You may be a math teacher over there, but in here, you nothin' but a substance abuser that can count to ten!

• [replies to request of green beans] 

  Cafeteria Lady : Ain't no mo' green beans! Just mashed potatoes and corn!

• [on the game show "Taste Buds"] 

  Howard : [tastes food]  It's served on an open grill...................You know what this can use? Some hot sauce!

  Game Show Host : Looks like you'll have to stop guessing meats.

• Baby : How do you know all that stuff?

  Malik : I'm advanced. My nanny said so.

  Trey : You mean the one that shakes you.

• Cafeteria Lady : The green beans are for the children. Children like little Joey. Family's so po' they house sittin' on a kickstand!

  [Joey leaves] 

  Cafeteria Lady : Come back here, Joey! You know yo' mama ain't comin' back 'till last call!

  Cafeteria Lady : Somebody need to get they white mama to get they black grandma and teach her how to do her hair!

• Mama : Did you do it? Did you embezzle that man's 3 million dollars? You better tell me before I slap you cross-eyed!

  Man : No, Mama!

  Mama : I'm satisfied!

  Lawyer : Mama , this is--

  Mama : Sit yo' a** down!

• Woman : You are the worst lawyer ever!

  Lawyer : Nobody didn't say nothin' when you was out killin' people!

• Spencer Elwood : There has been a certain issue. One that has touched me directly.

  [plays "Hail to the Chief" on the radio] 

  Spencer Elwood : This whack-behind Presidential song! You can't Harlem-shake to that!

• Cafeteria Lady : I'm a bicycle with the seat off, I'll get in yo ass!

• Cafeteria Lady : I'm like a gay guy at a strip club, I really don't care!

• Cafeteria Lady : Hey there, what are them books you readin?

  Man : Nothing you would understand; It's beyond your scope!

  Cafeteria Lady : Let me tell YOU what's beyond scope, your breath!

• Cafeteria Lady : Well I am like a double shot of Novocain, I ain't really feelin' for you!

• Cafeteria Lady : I'm like an unpaid electric bill, I'll put your lights out!

• Cafeteria Lady : I'm like a overheated hot-air balloon, I'll drop it like it's hot!

• Cafeteria Lady : I'm like a cup of coffee; I'm hot, black, and strong!