Will Ferrell credited as playing...
Buddy
- Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.
- Buddy: Really?
- Santa: Mm-hmm.
- Buddy: What's it like?
- Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.
- Buddy: Oh.
- Santa: Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show", that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at presents before Christmas.
- Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
- Buddy: [thinking Miles is an elf] Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?
- Miles Finch: Hey, jackweed, I get more action in a week than you've had in your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris and Vail. In each one, a 70 inch plasma screen. So I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and SMACK it off! You feeling strong, my friend? Call me elf one more time.
- Buddy: [after a pause] He's an angry elf.
- [Miles promptly attacks him]
- Buddy: [Confused] Who the heck are you?
- Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus.
- Buddy: No, you're not.
- Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
- Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
- Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?
- Kid with Santa: Four.
- Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?
- Kid with Santa: Paul.
- Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?
- Buddy: Paul, don't tell him what you want, he's a liar.
- Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.
- Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
- Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.
- Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.
- Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.
- Buddy: You're a fake.
- Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?
- Buddy: Yes!
- Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh?
- Kid with Santa: [whispering] Fake.
- Gimbel's Santa: No, he's kidding.
- Buddy: [sniffing] You stink.
- Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.
- Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese. You don't smell like Santa.
- Gimbel's Manager: [Sees Buddy smiling] Why are you smiling like that?
- Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite.
- Buddy: [reading the note he left on the etch-a-sketch] "I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR."
- [excitedly enters a shop with neon sign: World's Best Cup of Coffee]
- Buddy: You did it! Congratulations! "World's Best Cup of Coffee." Great job, everybody. It's great to meet you.
- [Buddy sees the mail room for the first time]
- Buddy: This place reminds me of Santa's Workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.