Evil Dead: A Fistful of Boomstick (2003 Video Game)

Bruce Campbell: Ash

Quotes 

• Ash : Say, if I may say so, you look pretty sexy behind bars...

  Trisha Pettywood : Not now Ash. We got locked when the security system kicked in. You have got to let us outta here!

  Ash : Hey, don't get your panties in a twist, I'll get you out... you are wearing panties aren't ya?

  Trisha Pettywood : Ash! This is no time for this...!

• Bartender : I'm real sorry about Jenny. It'd be ten years now, right?

  [We suddenly see a newspaper headline reading, "Woman Dies in Bus Accident"] 

  Ash : [sarcastically]  Oh yeah, thanks for bringing that up, chief. You're a real pal for pouring some margarita salt on the wound there. Maybe you'd like to poke me in the eye with an umbrella straw while you're at it?

• Ash : [to Professor Eldredge]  You're mouth is like my ass - nothing good ever comes out of it.

• Ash : Butt and Ugly decided to have a kid and guess what. You're the result.

• Ash : You might say that that was over kill... I say it was just enough kill.

• Ash : Does your mother kiss that face?

• Ash : [after a policeman kills a teenage Deadite]  Kids these days, huh?

  Policeman : What are those things? It's like all hell's broke loose!

  Ash : Gee, ya think?

• Ash : [after a Zombie grabs Ash]  I can understand the attraction, but I hate the clingy ones.

• Ash : Hey officer, you see a hot little redhead and a creepy bookworm pass this way?

• Ash : What do we have here, another poster boy for birth control

• Ash : [to deadite]  Hey, can I borrow your face? My ass is on vacation.

• Ash : [after killing a Deadite with his shotgun]  I bet you're a believer in gun control now, aren't you?

• Ash : Sorry I missed that. You said something about eating my soul?

• Ash : Can't you see I just want to be left alone? No? Well maybe if I shoved your eyeballs back in first

• Ash : So, tell me about yourself. Is there a Mrs Ugly to keep you cold at night?

• Ash : Tell me about your love life. It must be a little difficult to get a girlfriend without a jaw.

• Ash : Thank you for shopping at Ass Woopings Are Us.

• Ash : When you've just emptied two barrels of a shotgun into the head of your favorite bartender it's a pretty good bet that happy hour's over.

• Ash : Groovy!

• Ash : There I was. Face-to-face with the mother of all ugly. So I say "Come get some", and BLAM, no more Mr. Nasty Face.

• Ash : Come get some.

• Deadite Chinese Samari : [in Chinese]  I'll swallow your souls!

  Ash : [after killing two other deadites] 

  [in Chinese] 

  Ash : Come get some!

• Ash : Hey, nice face. Let me fix it for you.

• Ash : Hey, nice face! Let me fix it for you!

• Ash : Sorry about your face, let me get you a tissue... and a mop!

• Ash : My trusty boomstick was almost empty.

• Ash : Ah, lovely! The gates are locked!

• Ash : Your pain, my gain.

• Ash : Whoa! Where you born that ugly?

• Ash : You're stinkin' up my town!

• Ash : Look what I got!

• Ash : Come on, what's a little death?

• Ash : Oh great! An optimist with a gun!

• Ash : Boomstick: $199.99, Shells: 39.99, Zombies heads blowing off: priceless.

• Ash : Bet you're a believer in gun control now!

• Ash : One day I'll leave my life of violence behind me. Until then, I'll enjoy my work.

• Ash : You future folk think kinda slow, dontcha?

• Ash : Hey - nice complexion - for a freak!

• Ash : Umm, isn't there a job to do?

• Ash : I gotta tell ya, I'm am artist!

• Ash : Hey, since we're not doing anything, mind if I take a nap?

• Ash : Boomsticks away!

• Ash : Boom, baby, boom!

• Ash : How'd ya like the taste of that?

• Ash : And the standard vortex-closing procedure would be...?

• Ash : Sorry pal, but it sounds like your co-workers are playing footsie with the forces of hell right now.

• Policeman : No badge, no go, clear?

  Ash : Crystal. I'll be right back...

• Ash : That all ya got?

• Ash : Hey Captain, I've got my ID, you mind lettin' me through now?

  Policeman : Get yourself a decent weapon, or else kiss your ass goodbye!

• Ash : Pardon my French, Padre, but what the hell is that out there?

• Trisha Pettywood : Oh Ash, say something heroic.

  Ash : You know, would it kill you to say please once in a while?

• Ash : Nothing a little nip and tuck can't take care of, right?

• Ash : Amen to that, brother!

• Ash : What, you don't think I'm smart enough to read a few crummy notes?

• Ash : Trust me Padre, living or dead, I can be real persuasive.

• Ash : You eggheads never do anything the easy way, do you?

• Ash : Aah, don't get all mushy on me!

• Ash : I call it tough love. Ah, why pretend? I call it hate!

• Ash : Stolen silver, Greaseball - hand it over!

• Ash : What the hell...?

• Trisha Pettywood : Hello Ash.

  Ash : Trisha?

  Trisha Pettywood : You always liked me, didn't you Ash?

  Ash : Trisha, what the hell are you doing woman? Don't you realise this is the Queen's Lair...

  Trisha Pettywood : I hope you like the new me, just as much.

  Ash : Ah, hell.

  [Trisha appears, revealing herself to be the Deadite Queen] 

• Ash : [Trisha and Eldridge are surrounded by Deadites]  I better get in there fast or they'll be resting in pieces!

• Ash : Well so much for the football scolarship!

• Ash : Let's put a little more iron in your diet.

• Ash : Hey ugly, I got something that'll clear that right up.

• Ash : Step right up! Two cans of Whoopass for the price of one!

• Ash : Say Aaahhhhhh!

• Ash : Huh... Now who I should I kill next? Decisions, decisions... ummm - you!

• Policeman : Freeze! Don't come any closer!

  Ash : Or what? You'll shout freeze again?

• Ash : [about the door]  I think it's stuck!

  Trisha Pettywood : You don't say! What now?

  Ash : Maybe I could blow it open with dynamite?

  Trisha Pettywood : Are you insane! Blow the power to the security system!

  Ash : Now why didn't I think of that?

  Trisha Pettywood : Hmmm. You really want to know?

• Ash : I may not be a smart man... but I know what killing is.

• Ash : Hey buddy, what's on your mind? Oops, sorry - I forgot you need a head for that!

• Policeman : Sorry buddy, I thought you were one of those creatures!

  Ash : [sarcastically]  Oh, it's an easy mistake, sure, I look just like them...

• Ash : Hey. I think I found a cure for ugly.

• Ash : To make a long story short, I was sent to Hell and back again. Then again. And again...

• Ash : I'm the disease and you're the cure. (Realizing what he said) I...

• Ash : You're probably wondering what a handsome devil like me is doing in a place like this with you, right?

• Ash : Ever read A Farewell to Arms? Well I wrote it.

• Trisha Pettywood : Oh, Ash. How can I ever thank you?

  Ash : Well. Have you ever seen a little movie called "Deep Throat"?

  Trisha Pettywood : Ash, really.

  Ash : What can I say? I'm a man. It gets lonely being humanity's savoir again and again.

• [Nathaniel Payne explodes, leaving slimy entrails everywhere] 

  Ash : Gesundheit

• Ash : Some people are born to use a chainsaw. Me. Well I got one attached to me.

• Ash : I think it's so cool when the parts go flying everywhere!

• Ash : We've secretly replaced this Deadite's brain with a chainsaw blade. But be quiet. Let's see if he notices.

• Zombie Bartender : I'll swallow your soul!

  Ash : Make mine a double.

  [Shoots bartender in face] 

• Ash : There goes your bodily fluids!

• Ash : Kiss my boomstick!

• Ash : I'd like to buy a vowel. IIIIIIII-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

• [after killing a deadite] 

  Ash : Now where did I put my ammo? Oh yeah! Inside yer skull!

• Ash : Some people are born to use a chainsaw, others have chainsaws thrust upon them.

• Trisha Pettywood : Are you crazy?

  Ash : Crazy is as crazy does, Baby. Now give me some sugar.

• Ash : [to deadite]  That can't be your face... did your neck throw up?

• Ash : Tool time.

• Ash : Let's dance... I'll lead.

• Ash : Let's tango.

• Ash : It's just you, me, and the boomstick.

• Ash : Pull my finger. Not interested? Maybe if I help you find your arms first.

• Ash : One look at you and I know why some animals eat their young.

• Ash : Another poster child for birth control.

• Ash : [after killing a deadite]  Rest in pieces, dirt bag.

• Ash : [to a Deadite he just killed]  Have fun cleaning toilets in Hell, loser.

• Ash : Say, you know what time it is? Oh, what do you care, you're dead!

• Ash : Doesn't it suck to suck lead?

• Ash : Hey, wouldn't you just like to sit down and discuss our differences? No? Me neither

• Ash : Uh... Hello? Anyone home?... I'm looking for a Nathaniel Payne... Nathaniel Payne? It's about the Kandarian summoning stone. You see, i need to borrow it for a while. Look, i'll bring it right back, ok?

  Nathaniel Payne : Who dares disturb my rest?

  Ash : Whoa... uh, hey if this is a bad time i can come back

  Nathaniel Payne : No, this is the perfect time... for you to die!

  Ash : Ah, crap

• Ash : Boomstick, a hundred ninety-nine dollars. Shells, thirty-six. Splattered Deadite, priceless.