Quest for the Egg Salad

Easily the best looking Chris Seaver movie to date. Egg Salad still has a laugh every other second like previous productions, but without so much sexual perversity (save the awesome opening scene). The acting is decent, the production design has some thought put into it and the make-up effects are outstanding. This riff on LOTR is no-budget, which is part of its charm, as are all of Chris Seaver's movies. Finally, here is a guy who chose to DO SOMETHING instead of sitting on his couch wishing he had the money to make a picture. Every one of this man's movies is proof, if you want to be a filmmaker, then get off your butt and do it. You don't need money! Just a camera, some friends, and a sense of humor. Instant art! I will be looking forward to the next LBP release with great anticipation. And maybe one day I'll be able to see one in a theater! With teenape as my date!

The highlight of this film is in the first minutes, where Teen Ape, while getting head from a perky anonymous skank, accidentally ejaculates across the room into the mouth of our narrator, who then proceeds to dribble what looks like skim milk into said skank's eager mouth, in what has to be the worst attempt at faking a "snowballing" scene in film history. Unfortunately, the ape-groupie departs, and things go rapidly downhill from there.

Some of Teen Ape's obnoxious crude sexual commentary would be funny, if it were not so badly mumbled and incoherent. There are a lot of in-jokes and winks, but nothing funnier than what you'd see in a high school annual. The juxtaposition of medieval dialog with pseudo-gangsta hip-hop slang falls flat, and the crass dialog is too tediously delivered to be funny.

One of the great things about truly dreadful movies is that the actors, while dreadful, are somewhat sincere. This cast doesn't suffer from such a misconception however. With a few exceptions, they know they suck, and don't seem to care. The result is more boredom than exploitation.

Bright spots: Anonymous Slattern, Elegant Elliott, the Elf Ho', and the Wandering Swordsman.

Funniest line: "...and my f**king hand turned mortal!"

• The Goblin King

If you're a fan of low-life cinema a la Troma Team, and you expect something similar from this, you'll be disappointed. It's terrible, but not so terrible that it's fun to watch. A good movie to recommend to someone you're mad at.

This entire video seems like one big long boring camcorder out take. Every joke is either stolen or incredibly lame. the costumes are unimaginative. the story is nonexistent. the special effects are crap. there is no action and the sets consist of a garage and a public park. the only redeeming quality is the wandering swordsman. these amateur/immature videographers have a lot to learn about medieval fantasy. lesson 1: throw away the stupid ape mask.

For reasons unknown to Zenu,people are going into this film thinking:

-It's got a budget and tries to be serious on some small level-

yyeaaahhhh.... *NO*

Look ppl this movie is a f'n joke..............

BUT it never takes itself seriously for ONE SECOND. Chris Seaver knows what he's making, and a schlocky, no budget, laugh-a-minute parody flick is just that. I mean, one character even references the fact that his hand has "turned human", since they obviously lost the goblin fingers prop/hand paint at that point of filming. They also reference cars going by in the basement scene. I mean come on, pretentious and classy this ain't. But they know it and use it to their full advantage.

Maybe I can just relate to their sense of humor, like fake-worshiping celebs, mocking pop-culture, and just being downright obscene just to put a smile on someones face.

And when it gets right down to it, if your watching this movie for ANY OTHER REASON than to be grossed out, roll your eyes and laugh at that silly sort of humor that comes out only when you and your best friends are drunk and stoned in someones basement, than your watching this for all the wrong reasons.

This was the worst movie I've ever seen. The beginning was childish (and gross) and was totally unrelated to the film. The budget is beyond low. A guy in a 25 cent rubber monkey mask?, scenes shot in someones basement?

I thought it might be good as a parody, but its not even smart enough to be that. Basiclly its a bunch of people (whos maturity stopped around age 12) trying to throw as many dick jokes as they can into a non existent plot.

I mean this looks like a video a bunch of drunk teens made on a Friday night. I cant see enjoying a second of this unless you are seriously immature, and drunk. This is like a 3rd grade fart joke told over and over.

Not even good enough to be enjoyed as a bad movie. Pathetic and shameful.