Andy Richter Controls the Universe (2002–2003)
Andy Richter: Andy Richter
Photos
Quotes
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Andy : I see why you joined this place.
Byron : It's not what you think. Yeah, I'm really into her. But, I can't even have sex with her.
Andy : How come?
Byron : I can't have sex 3 months before my initiation rites.
Andy : Well, can't you get credit for the other 29 sexless years of your life?
Byron : [sarcastically] Ha, ha, ha.
[seriously]
Byron : No. I asked.
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Wendy : I've been doing a lot of thinking...
Keith : She has!
Wendy : And, Andy, you were kinda right. I didn't succeed with my dream of being a singer. So, I'm going to go to my second dream, which is having a family. That's why, today, I asked Keith to think about where this relationship is really going.
Keith : Hear that? I have some thinking to do!
Wendy : All right, I have to go!
[leaves]
Andy : [narrating] Here's what Keith did.
[Keith stands up and starts strangling Andy]
Andy : All right, that's not what really happened.
Keith : Fix it.
Andy : What?
Keith : Wendy. She was fine, and you broke her. Fix it.
Andy : Wendy isn't some toy that broke down! She's a human being that...
Keith : All you had to do was stand there, and say "Yeah, that's horrible" or "I understand". But, no. You had to get her started on all of this change of life crap. And, now, I actually have to think! Fix it!
Andy : Yeah, I know, it's horrible.
Keith : It doesn't work on me! I'm a guy! Now, fix it.
Andy : Yeah, I know it must be tough.
Keith : Andy, just fix it.
Andy : Yeah, I understand.
Keith : Andy... Shut up and fix it!
Andy : Damn...
