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- Henry Dashwood: I don't remember the last time I went barefoot.
- Daphne Reynolds: Don't you just love squiggling your toes in the sand? Did you know it's a natural exfoliant? Mom says if you can walk on a beach, and you have a steady hand with nail polish, there's no reason to ever pay for a pedicure.
- Daphne Reynolds: [to Clarissa] My evil stepsister, you've seen Cinderella, right? Let me clue you in, I win.
- Glynnis Payne: Now Daphne, we don't want to make a scene now, do we?
- Libby Reynolds: Take your hand off my daughter or you won't get a scene, you'll get a Broadway Musical!
- Henry Dashwood: I think I owe you a rather large apology.
- Libby Reynolds: Do you think I've waited 17 years for an apology?
- Henry Dashwood: So are you and Daphne...
- Ian: Yeah, we're eloping. I know it's rather sudden but after last night, there was no going back.
- Henry Dashwood: You are joking aren't you?
- Ian: Yes, of course.
- Clarissa: Oh, very you, lovely. So Henry asked us to give you a few pointers, didn't he? Well, pointer number 1: go home. Mother and I belong here and it's quite clear you just don't fit in. And pointer number 2: while you're packing, keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart, he's mine.
- Daphne Reynolds: If you take your nose out of the air for one second you'll see you're designer, I'm vintage. You've got a mansion, I've got a five floor walkup. You're a snotty little miss cranky pants and I go with the flow, so why would you ever think for one second that I'd ever have the same taste in guys? So here's a little pointer for you. Get over yourself and stop trying to be my daddy's little girl because I'm not going anywhere.
- Henry Dashwood: I'm not explaining this very well, am I?
- Daphne Reynolds: No, not really. But I'm having fun watching you try.
- Glynnis Payne: [Takes a bite of her eggs] These eggs are positively glacial. When I run this house, senile servants will be the first thing to go.
- Clarissa: You'd have to get around the old bat somehow. She'd never allow it.
- Jocelyn Dashwood: [Enters the room] Anyone seen my pruning shears? The *old bat* seems to have forgotten where she put them.
- Henry Dashwood: For me, it's just a stop on the campaign trail, and for Glynnis it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society.
- Daphne Reynolds: Launch her? You make her sound like a ship.
- Henry Dashwood: No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile.
- Henry Dashwood: Sorry, did you just say you've known about this your whole life?
- Daphne Reynolds: Yeah?
- Jocelyn Dashwood: Good. Well, now we've got that settled... How about some tea and a nice piece of fruitcake?
- Henry Dashwood: But your mother didn't feel I deserved the same consideration?
- Jocelyn Dashwood: [Quietly] No to the fruitcake, then.
- Henry Dashwood: [shouts] How could she keep something like this from me?
- Glynnis Payne: Excuse me, but what happened to the mistake theory we were operating on a moment ago?
- Daphne Reynolds: [Daphne turns to leave]
- Jocelyn Dashwood: No, wait a minute, Ducky!
- Glynnis Payne: Oh, put a cork in it, Clarissa.
- Clarissa: Maybe someone should've put a cork in it seventeen years ago.
- Henry Dashwood: I hope you find you sleeping arrangements conducive to...
- Daphne Reynolds: Henry, all it takes is sweet dreams.
- Daphne Reynolds: Let's get the party started!
- Ian: No.
- Daphne Reynolds: Come on, why not?
- Ian: Well, first of all I could get fired; and second of all, I could get fired!
- Daphne Reynolds: Oh come on!
- Ian: No. No, no!
- Daphne Reynolds: Wimp.
- Ian: No. No!
- Daphne Reynolds: For me?
- [bats eyelashes flirtatiously]
- Ian: [grins] Okay. Let's do it.
- [talking about Daphne]
- Armistead's friend: I'd let her dump tea in my harbor anytime.
- Daphne Reynolds: [after everything has happened] The truth is sometimes things aren't exactly what you always imagined... they're even better!
- Glynnis Payne: Until then we have to keep up appearances. Look what happened to Olivia Nixon when she went to China last summer.
- Clarissa: Who's Olivia Nixon?
- Glynnis Payne: Exactly.
- Clarissa: I can't believe that little impostor is going to ruin my summer!
- Fiona: She may be a lot of things, but I can't believe impostor is one of them. Technically, she's 39th in line to the throne.
- Clarissa: Really, Fiona. 38 people would have to die for her to be queen.
- Jane: Well, it's far less than the 72 you'd need.
- Clarissa: Hmph!
- [Regarding Henry Dashwood's familiy mansion]
- Daphne Reynolds: It's bigger than our entire apartment and the Chinese restaurant downstairs and the dry cleaner down the street; it makes the White House look like a McDonalds!
- Peach Orwood: [nervous; with her sister, Pear] I'm Peach, she's Pear. You see, our mother was slightly obsessed with fruits. We have a sister named Parsnip... she doesn't get out much.
- Daphne Reynolds: [to Armistead Stuart] You know, I really wish you would pull your lip over your head and swallow it.
- Jocelyn Dashwood: [to Daphne] The crown does not make the queen... .It's whats in here.
- [points at her heart]
- Henry Dashwood: Alistair, you've lied to me, I know you lied to Libby, so you'll forgive me if I don't give a flying fart in space what you think!
- Glynnis Payne: Darling, darling, all I'm saying is before we let this hypothetical daughter blow your political career out of the water, we might at least consider doing some checking up on her.
- Henry Dashwood: Now, checking up for what?
- Glynnis Payne: I don't know... criminal record, blood type, triple sixes on her skull.
- Henry Dashwood: Glynnis, she has a birth certificate, she has my photograph and she has my eyes.
- Glynnis Payne: Darling, we have to get Lubby here an escort.
- Daphne Reynolds: It's Libby, and why doesn't he just ask her himself?
- Daphne Reynolds: Hey! What are you doing here?
- Ian: You know, just another one of my glamourous jobs.
- Daphne Reynolds: Oh.
- Ian: Looking for me?
- Daphne Reynolds: Oh, no. I was just looking for the loo!
- Ian: Outside? On the terrace?
- Daphne Reynolds: [Mouths] Oh.
- [Henry has just withdrawn his candidacy for Prime Minister and has decided to go back to Daphne and Libby]
- Alistair Payne: Are you out of your mind? I worked this hard to get you where you are, and now you're throwing it away!
- Henry Dashwood: Alistair, you lied to me. And I know you lied to Libby.
- Alistair Payne: [outraged] *Libby?* I was protecting your career, I was saving your family's reputation! When I found out that that girl was pregnant, I knew I was doing the right thing!
- Henry Dashwood: [beat] You knew about Daphne?
- Alistair Payne: Of course, I *knew*! It's *my job* to know!
- [Henry punches Alistair in the face]
- Jocelyn Dashwood: [to a depressed Henry; after Daphne returns to the United States] Our family has lost a piece of themselves, limbs, eyes, and ears, for their country. Don't follow in that glorious legacy, Henry. Do you know what you're going to lose?... Your Heart.
- [Daphne and Jocelyn are at a upper-class coming out party]
- Jocelyn Dashwood: Head up, Daphne. And never forget the family motto.
- Daphne Reynolds: Family motto? What is it?
- Jocelyn Dashwood: Qui Patitur Vincit.
- Daphne Reynolds: What does that mean?
- Jocelyn Dashwood: It means, ducky... Hang in there, and yeah'll rock!
- Henry Dashwood: I don't remember the last time I went barefoot.
- Daphne Reynolds: Don't you just love squiggling your toes in the sand? Did you know it's a natural exfoliant? Mom says if you can walk on a beach, and you have a steady hand with nail polish, there's no reason to ever pay for a pedicure.
- Clarissa: [Sees Daphne fall over the wall] Did you see that?
- Glynnis Payne: What?
- Clarissa: An impossibly large bird falling off that wall.
- Glynnis Payne: Are you hallucinating?
- [Waves her hand in front of her face]
- Uncredited: What a disgrace!
- Uncredited: Must be American.
- Armistead Stuart: Women are just drawn to me. It's something I happen to be blessed with. An Indefinable quality that just relaxes them, fascinates them. You're feeling it now, aren't you, Dabney?
- Daphne Reynolds: It's Daphne.
- Armistead Stuart: [Moves his hand to her lower back]
- Daphne Reynolds: And let me guess, you're feeling it in my backside?
- [Pulls his hand back up]
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