- Vijay: Do you know why they call it the American Dream? Because it only happens when you are asleep.
- Rusty McGee: [Ramu pretends to be fixing toilet after Rusty gets home early and surprises them] Why doesn't he have any tools?
- Sharonna: He's a holistic plumber.
- Sharonna: I'm engaged to a nice, normal guy. Do you know how hard it is to find a nice, normal guy in New York?
- Vijay: You have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly, what more do you want?
- Ramu Gupta: I want what you promised.
- Ramu Gupta: You need to do your own thing. Live your own life.
- [walks away angrily]
- Lexi: I'm going to meditate on that.
- Ramu Gupta: The most powerful sexual organ is your brain. Think about it.
- [Faces woman]
- Ramu Gupta: Are you thinking?
- Turned-on Woman: My whole body is about to think!
- Ramu Gupta: [walks into the apartment, and Sanjay and Vijay are watching a porno with Sharonna in it] What are you watching?
- Vijay: [makes a sex motion] M-M-M-M-My Sharonna. Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm.
- Ramu Gupta: YOU BASTARDS! TURN IT OFF!
- [jumps on Sanjay]
- Sanjay: You've never seen Good Will Hunting?
- Vijay: We also have Star Wars, Episode 69.
- Hank the Cameraman: [wedding guests are unaware that Hank is a porno cameramen] Pretend that I'm not here.
- Hoseman: Rusty! My heart beats for you.
- [everyone else looks around perplexed]
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