This little gem offers two slightly different nudie cutie films in one movie wrapper. The first part of the film we follow the husband played in the film as he spends his Sunday afternoon at the Paris Burlesque Show. Many beautiful woman performing a variety of acts seen through the eyes of the husband who never fails to deliver one cheesy internal monologue after another. The climax of the first part of the film is Virginia Bell whose beauty and voluptuous body offer a magnificent visual treat. The second part of the nudie cutie is seen through the eyes of the wife who we follow to her favorite nudist camp retreat. Unlike some similar nudist films of the time, this part is kept reasonably short with glimpses of nude woman doing activities in their birthday suit under Florida sun. Another top heavy starlet makes her appearance here, the beautiful Ann Howe. Lullaby of Bareland is fun little nudie cutie who offers us a burlesque show and nudist camp movie in under and hour. Several gorgeous woman make an appearance topless. The plot of the husband and wife who each go sneaking off to find adult pleasures separately is an entertaining addition make it worth viewing for fans of such films of the time.
3 Reviews
A hackneyed, juvenile waste of anyone's time
I_Ailurophile4 March 2023
Outrageously straightforward and 100% campy, this bears a look and feel hovering somewhere between 1936 propaganda film/exploitation flick 'Reefer madness,' the notorious no-budget marvel 'Manos: The hands of fate' that would follow two years later, literal home movies, and informational films that various organizations may have churned out in the 60s to educate someone or other about, I don't know, new kitchenware. It appears to have itself been produced on a budget approximating a week's earnings from the neighborhood kids' lemonade stand, with "sets" (filming locations) and "costumes" (wardrobe pieces cobbled together) that presumably were provided by the cast, crew, or filmmakers themselves, or possibly nicked from the bargain bin at the local thrift store. The equipment used to film this, and record the audio, seem to have been ordinary consumer-grade electronics purchased from the nearest Sears Roebucks. And while there is the most vague, ineffectual, meaningless "story" loosely tying these bits together, there's no real wraparound segment, and the script mostly comes off as as a cheeky, somewhat puerile, adult-oriented run of gags that was devised for a group of friends to put on for other friends in their backyard. Are these words selling anyone on 'Lullaby of Bareland,' or telling them off?
Severely hampered already by poor audio (some dialogue that is meant to be heard is pretty much inaudible) and image quality, the assemblage is lent no aid by curious choices of direction, camerawork, and sequencing that firstly prove the amateur level of those behind the scenes, and secondly serve to distract from what the movie is trying to do rather than add to it. I don't think the "sets" or "costumes" are bad, mind you, only definitively reflective of meager resources; to the extent that one can hear some of the jokes being told, some of them are a little amusing; those who dance at one point or another know what they're doing and demonstrate skill. I'll even go so far as to say that I admire the hair and makeup work. On the other hand, if anyone involved could be described as a professional actor, you could have fooled me. To the extent that one could claim there was genuine writing involved, it's both overblown and simply dull. And broadly speaking, this is so flimsily made that it's a wonder the physical length of film on which it was captured didn't fall apart in the process.
Of course, all such critiques are quite superfluous, aren't they? Everything about this feature was truly, sincerely, nothing more than an excuse for female nudity. That's all. I'm no prude; I appreciate the female form as much as anyone. But if that is actually and absolutely the only purpose of a movie - no meaningful story, no sex, no significant comedy, no no particular entertainment at all - then why bother? In what capacity could this be enjoyable, especially for how unremittingly, wholly weak it is in its construction in all regards? I can only surmise that this made for exclusively for sad, lonely, unlikable white cishet men, exclusively by sad, lonely, unlikable white cishet men. Among any other subset of the general population one might cite, what self-respecting person could even pretend to extract any value from this?
Someone thought it was a good idea. Presumably the "cast" had a good time making it. It's too bad there's nothing about this that can pass on those good feelings to the audience. I'm once again amazed that every time I think I've found the top candidate for "worst movie ever made," I eventually stumble onto another. Then again, can 'Lullaby of Bareland' honestly even be called a "movie?"
Just don't bother. Try to forget you ever came across this. Whatever you expect to get out of the experience, try watching anything else first. Avoid.
Severely hampered already by poor audio (some dialogue that is meant to be heard is pretty much inaudible) and image quality, the assemblage is lent no aid by curious choices of direction, camerawork, and sequencing that firstly prove the amateur level of those behind the scenes, and secondly serve to distract from what the movie is trying to do rather than add to it. I don't think the "sets" or "costumes" are bad, mind you, only definitively reflective of meager resources; to the extent that one can hear some of the jokes being told, some of them are a little amusing; those who dance at one point or another know what they're doing and demonstrate skill. I'll even go so far as to say that I admire the hair and makeup work. On the other hand, if anyone involved could be described as a professional actor, you could have fooled me. To the extent that one could claim there was genuine writing involved, it's both overblown and simply dull. And broadly speaking, this is so flimsily made that it's a wonder the physical length of film on which it was captured didn't fall apart in the process.
Of course, all such critiques are quite superfluous, aren't they? Everything about this feature was truly, sincerely, nothing more than an excuse for female nudity. That's all. I'm no prude; I appreciate the female form as much as anyone. But if that is actually and absolutely the only purpose of a movie - no meaningful story, no sex, no significant comedy, no no particular entertainment at all - then why bother? In what capacity could this be enjoyable, especially for how unremittingly, wholly weak it is in its construction in all regards? I can only surmise that this made for exclusively for sad, lonely, unlikable white cishet men, exclusively by sad, lonely, unlikable white cishet men. Among any other subset of the general population one might cite, what self-respecting person could even pretend to extract any value from this?
Someone thought it was a good idea. Presumably the "cast" had a good time making it. It's too bad there's nothing about this that can pass on those good feelings to the audience. I'm once again amazed that every time I think I've found the top candidate for "worst movie ever made," I eventually stumble onto another. Then again, can 'Lullaby of Bareland' honestly even be called a "movie?"
Just don't bother. Try to forget you ever came across this. Whatever you expect to get out of the experience, try watching anything else first. Avoid.
This would not get rejected..................
mmthos8 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Like Neverland for children, Bareland is a real place, a refuge for couples in stale marriages, but wishing on a fairy sure won't get you there.
It is a different place for husbands than it is for wives. For men, it's a visit to a Nudie Show. For women, it's a trip to a nudist camp. Each spouse narrates their experience with a never ending string of innuendos, with the husband's sounding like the type of guy which you'd hear in a bar when he approaches a woman and she would respond with, "does that line ever work?"
The show presents us with the inimitable and incomparable well endowed Virginia Bell, who at 55 is a visual wonder of the ages.
Naturally there are also a lot of corny jokes and innuendo, just like in a classic burlesque comedy intermission. Just like in Commedia del Arte, you have your stock characters. The Dirty Old Man, The Guy, The Schlemiel, and a couple of buxom lovelies to round, and i do mean Round, out the proceedings.
This is definitely was not made for those types that lied about reading "Playboy" magazine for the "articles!"
This rates a 5 for cheapness, less for cinematography. They basically just set up a camera at a real life burlesque show and naturist compound and left it running, but still managed to edit together the best shots, most of which are an "eyeful" indeed!
But it gets a solid 6+ for old-fashioned sexy fun at a "Couples Retreat" Credit to Karen_P for edits and additions To be clear, Ms P's edit "Virginia Bell...at 55" certainly does not refer to her age, but rather her bosom which, at the time of the filming, was a world record, many times surpassed in the ensuing decades and mention should also at least be made in passing of the Ladies Only Camp "Hello Ta-Ta!" where the entirety of Wifie's Bareland experience takes place, and comprises the whole second half of the picture.
It is a different place for husbands than it is for wives. For men, it's a visit to a Nudie Show. For women, it's a trip to a nudist camp. Each spouse narrates their experience with a never ending string of innuendos, with the husband's sounding like the type of guy which you'd hear in a bar when he approaches a woman and she would respond with, "does that line ever work?"
The show presents us with the inimitable and incomparable well endowed Virginia Bell, who at 55 is a visual wonder of the ages.
Naturally there are also a lot of corny jokes and innuendo, just like in a classic burlesque comedy intermission. Just like in Commedia del Arte, you have your stock characters. The Dirty Old Man, The Guy, The Schlemiel, and a couple of buxom lovelies to round, and i do mean Round, out the proceedings.
This is definitely was not made for those types that lied about reading "Playboy" magazine for the "articles!"
This rates a 5 for cheapness, less for cinematography. They basically just set up a camera at a real life burlesque show and naturist compound and left it running, but still managed to edit together the best shots, most of which are an "eyeful" indeed!
But it gets a solid 6+ for old-fashioned sexy fun at a "Couples Retreat" Credit to Karen_P for edits and additions To be clear, Ms P's edit "Virginia Bell...at 55" certainly does not refer to her age, but rather her bosom which, at the time of the filming, was a world record, many times surpassed in the ensuing decades and mention should also at least be made in passing of the Ladies Only Camp "Hello Ta-Ta!" where the entirety of Wifie's Bareland experience takes place, and comprises the whole second half of the picture.
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