Although released in 1993, The Nostril Picker is undoubtedly a product of the '80s (my Aurum Encyclopedia of Horror, published in '93, has it down as being made in 1988): the fashion, the schlocky approach, the nonsensical plot, the lousy music—they all smack of the decade that taste forgot.
The ridiculous storyline sees loner Joe Bukowski (Carl Zschering) being taught by a wino how to change his outward appearance by chanting a magical incantation and whistling his favourite song (which happens to be 'London Bridge is Burning Down'). Joe opts to look like an attractive, blonde, female teenager, thereby enabling himself to hang out with other girls of the same age, and then attack them when the opportunity arises, raping them with his knife and devouring their flesh.
With a cast whose acting skills are virtually non-existent, direction that can only be generously described as rudimentary, and a script that isn't afraid to give the bottom of the barrel a damn good scraping, The Nostril Picker is about as unsophisticated as a movie can get, which actually makes it more fun than it has any right to be. The cringe-worthy montage that is accompanied by a truly awful rock song is unforgettable, as is the hilarious sight of a transvestite hooker being assaulted with a pair of dildo water-pistols.
Also serving to make this mess more enjoyable is the occasional spot of juicy splatter, which is better than one might reasonably expect: one of the early victims has her fingers sliced off (which, judging by her reaction, or lack of one, isn't all that painful), there's a brief spot of cannibalism, and the irritating transvestite gets his throat slashed in suitably gory fashion. The slaughtered girls also appear to Joe in hallucinations, dressed in lingerie and drenched in blood.
Rounding off proceedings with a silly and totally predictable twist ending, The Nostril Picker is far from great movie-making, but will prove a guilty pleasure for those who actively seek out cinematic turds.
