Dave Spikey credited as playing...
Jerry 'St. Clair' Dignan • Jerry St. Clair
- [talking about the inflatable Penis]
- Jerry St Clair: We're not having that.
- Brian Potter: You're damn right Jerry, we're not having that go on take it back.
- Dodgy Eric: But Brian...
- Brian Potter: It's a family fun day man, there's kiddies running around. They can't go jumping up and down on a love length.
- Brian Potter: What's the matter with you, man?
- Jerry St Clair: What's the matter with me? I'll tell you what's the matter with me. Me first week as licensee, I'm stood here looking like a gay Satan cos somebody sold all me clothes on t'jumble. I've been rolled round t'car park all day dressed as a hernia and I've got 12 people in casualty with rubber burns.
- Brian Potter: Rubber Burns? Weren't he a Scottish poet?
- Jerry St Clair: ...and what made you apply for this job?
- Spencer: The DSS.
- Jerry St Clair: And why do you think I should give it to you?
- Spencer: Because it will be the DSS paying me wages and it won't cost you a penny.
- Jerry St Clair: Really?
- Spencer: Yeah.
- Jerry St Clair: When can you start? Welcome to the Phoenix, Spencer lad.
- Brian Potter: [finding the dead body of the Captain] Put him in the Pennine Suite.
- Jerry St Clair: Why?
- Brian Potter: Why? Because in here's murder. Next door's natural causes.
- Brian Potter: I have a dream, people, I have a dream. If we build it, they will come.
- Les: Build what?
- Brian Potter: A new Phoenix.
- Jerry St Clair: Here we go again.
- Brian Potter: Bigger, better, faster, stronger, rising out of the ashes. A superclub, a King of clubs only this time we'll have it all. A restaurant, a bistro - we'll serve food.
- Jerry St Clair: Food eh?
- Brian Potter: But not just any old food Jerry. Proper food - scampi, chicken Kievs, garlic bread...
- Max: Garlic bread?
- Brian Potter: Garlic bread, that's right Max. Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.
- Jerry St Clair: [discovering the Captain dead] He's dead, Brian.
- Brian Potter: Oh, my God! He can't be dead! Who's going to do the door? Who's going to do the door?