I became interested in celebrity workout videos after, one random day, for some reason really getting into Warm Up With Traci Lords. I don't know why I liked that movie so much. So I decided to sit down and check out as many as I could. Well that proved to be a fairly grueling task, since there are so many, and of such varying quality. I mean, we've got Paula Abdul, Heather Locklear, Claudia Schiffer (a classic exposition of the genre), Cindy Crawford, Jane Fonda, Cher, Carmen Electra, Elle Macpherson, Antonia Kidman, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Hugh Hefner's blonde girlfriends, "The Girls Next Door" (next door to what? Hefner's neighbors? Hefner's ball sack?). So many of them, actually are just so good. Bu yet, Alyssa Milano has truly provided one of the finest examples of the form here. Her true dedication to working out and making your muscles longer shows through with a shining clarity here, and has surely inspired many a couch potato to put down her pizza rolls and ben and jerry's and let it out.
"It's one of those days, I can feel the steam rising."
This film starts out with Alyssa in workout gear sitting down on the bed (the film set is decorated like a teen's bedroom, with posters and teddy bears, pink carpet) and then you can see her blue 80's socks and the camera does extreme close up on her eyes. Alyssa Milano is now daydreaming. Or hallucinating. She is daydreaming on her bed about sitting in a recording studio and singing.
"Teen Steam. Gotta let it out."
So the daydream/hallucination/music video ends and Alyssa comes back to reality when she listens to her answering machine, where her friend Tiffanie has left her a message, about a major problem she has. Then Michelle calls and Alyssa picks up, and they realize that Tiffanie also called Michelle about the aforementioned major problem. But apparently Michelle's problem is worse than Tiffanie's. So Alyssa says, "Why don't you both come over and we can work it out together?". I like it when she says that. It's very sexy and kind of slutty but real warm and tender at the same time.
"It's one of those days, I can feel the steam rising."
Tiffanie and Michelle basically appear in Alyssa's room out of nowhere. Alyssa is explaining some of the workout exercises, which I guess is the most important part of the video and the whole reason for making it, but it is the part I paid the least attention to. Then she says, "This is all easy stuff, and then once you get into it you can do it over and over with us." I liked it a lot when she said that. The next cut is to Alyssa bending down and giggling to herself, and then hides it real quick and starts talking again. I think she liked when she said that, too. By the way the major problems the girls were having is this - Tiffanie is grounded because she brought a date home, and Michelle is upset because she wanted to go out on Friday night but cannot now, since she has to babysit her little brother, because of her parents stupid dinner engagement. They really need to get out some Teen Steam.
Tiffanie likes to make serious porno faces, while Michelle likes to giggle a lot and laugh too much and won't shut the hell up and is distracting Alyssa a lot. The music is relentless and is like being trapped in an elevator being raped by Emmanuelle in Space and Phil Collins simultaneously. Sometimes it gets emotionally over- dramatic, which is weird in the context of a workout video.
Then Alyssa gets a pinched up anti-authority 80's teen face and says, "Eat your heart out, Jane!" Alyssa meant no real disrespect to Jane Fonda here, she was just being spunky and spontaneous after a particularly grueling stretching routine. Then Alyssa and the girls go into a rap. "From the toes, we goes, to the heel raises...." You have to see this. Alyssa is a really good rapper and cute too when she tries not to laugh during the rap. Suddenly the workout stops and Alyssa talks for awhile, and then walks into a mirror right into a black and white 80's dance video set in some industrial factory or something. Her and some friends do a fly girls dance, and two dudes come out and do ballet jumps in front of them.
Back to the workout. "I can feel my muscles getting longer." Yeah, me , too. I noticed a trace amount of Full House sax in the soundtrack around this time. At one point Tiffanie falls asleep and the other two have to wake her up. It's pretty funny and I don't think they planned this - I think the girl actually fell asleep doing stretches on the floor. Soon the session is over. Alyssa says, "Everything we did today, we can do it over and over again." I liked it a lot when she said that. Weird sh*t at the end. But I don't want to give away the last thing that happens, it really is f*cking awesome and you have to check this out for yourself. After all of that, she brings the whole affair to a close by making a Church Lady reference.
This movie was sort of a Milano Joint, with Alyssa's mom Lin as the executive producer, and stylist, and Alyssa's dad Tom doing all of the music, for which he should be deeply and permanently ashamed. I could never imagine scoring (huh huh) a film with my daughter in sexy workout outfit along with soft-core porno music. A bit strange. But still, I like this movie a lot, and I was never really bored, at all, and got some laughs and some chubbies.
"It's one of those days, I can feel the steam rising."
This film starts out with Alyssa in workout gear sitting down on the bed (the film set is decorated like a teen's bedroom, with posters and teddy bears, pink carpet) and then you can see her blue 80's socks and the camera does extreme close up on her eyes. Alyssa Milano is now daydreaming. Or hallucinating. She is daydreaming on her bed about sitting in a recording studio and singing.
"Teen Steam. Gotta let it out."
So the daydream/hallucination/music video ends and Alyssa comes back to reality when she listens to her answering machine, where her friend Tiffanie has left her a message, about a major problem she has. Then Michelle calls and Alyssa picks up, and they realize that Tiffanie also called Michelle about the aforementioned major problem. But apparently Michelle's problem is worse than Tiffanie's. So Alyssa says, "Why don't you both come over and we can work it out together?". I like it when she says that. It's very sexy and kind of slutty but real warm and tender at the same time.
"It's one of those days, I can feel the steam rising."
Tiffanie and Michelle basically appear in Alyssa's room out of nowhere. Alyssa is explaining some of the workout exercises, which I guess is the most important part of the video and the whole reason for making it, but it is the part I paid the least attention to. Then she says, "This is all easy stuff, and then once you get into it you can do it over and over with us." I liked it a lot when she said that. The next cut is to Alyssa bending down and giggling to herself, and then hides it real quick and starts talking again. I think she liked when she said that, too. By the way the major problems the girls were having is this - Tiffanie is grounded because she brought a date home, and Michelle is upset because she wanted to go out on Friday night but cannot now, since she has to babysit her little brother, because of her parents stupid dinner engagement. They really need to get out some Teen Steam.
Tiffanie likes to make serious porno faces, while Michelle likes to giggle a lot and laugh too much and won't shut the hell up and is distracting Alyssa a lot. The music is relentless and is like being trapped in an elevator being raped by Emmanuelle in Space and Phil Collins simultaneously. Sometimes it gets emotionally over- dramatic, which is weird in the context of a workout video.
Then Alyssa gets a pinched up anti-authority 80's teen face and says, "Eat your heart out, Jane!" Alyssa meant no real disrespect to Jane Fonda here, she was just being spunky and spontaneous after a particularly grueling stretching routine. Then Alyssa and the girls go into a rap. "From the toes, we goes, to the heel raises...." You have to see this. Alyssa is a really good rapper and cute too when she tries not to laugh during the rap. Suddenly the workout stops and Alyssa talks for awhile, and then walks into a mirror right into a black and white 80's dance video set in some industrial factory or something. Her and some friends do a fly girls dance, and two dudes come out and do ballet jumps in front of them.
Back to the workout. "I can feel my muscles getting longer." Yeah, me , too. I noticed a trace amount of Full House sax in the soundtrack around this time. At one point Tiffanie falls asleep and the other two have to wake her up. It's pretty funny and I don't think they planned this - I think the girl actually fell asleep doing stretches on the floor. Soon the session is over. Alyssa says, "Everything we did today, we can do it over and over again." I liked it a lot when she said that. Weird sh*t at the end. But I don't want to give away the last thing that happens, it really is f*cking awesome and you have to check this out for yourself. After all of that, she brings the whole affair to a close by making a Church Lady reference.
This movie was sort of a Milano Joint, with Alyssa's mom Lin as the executive producer, and stylist, and Alyssa's dad Tom doing all of the music, for which he should be deeply and permanently ashamed. I could never imagine scoring (huh huh) a film with my daughter in sexy workout outfit along with soft-core porno music. A bit strange. But still, I like this movie a lot, and I was never really bored, at all, and got some laughs and some chubbies.
