Wooly Boys (2001)

Peter Fonda: A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman

Quotes 

• A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Mind telling me why you were sittin' buck naked on a porcuipine?

• Hank Dawson : So, where's your uglier half?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : I left him out there to deal with Martinez.

  Hank Dawson : I'm gonna have to drag my ass all the way up there to investigate a double homicide?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : A man can't sit around all day drinkin' coffee.

  Hank Dawson : He can sure as hell try.

• A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : I ain't linin' Ma Bell's pantaloons for two calls a year.

• [in a Greyhound bus station] 

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : How much does it cost to ride the 'Hound to Minneapolis these days?

  Verla : Why, Stoney hon', you haven't been to the Twin Cities since Dolly Parton went, criminies, went from a C cup to a triple D.

• Charles : Where's the bathroom? Or do you guys just open the door and pee?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Down the hall, hang a left.

  Charles : Is there any soap?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Why? Plan to pee on your hand?

• A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : I don't like the way she's raising you.

  Charles : Oh? How's that?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Like a frail litter runt still suckin' hind tit.

  Charles : OK, I've got no idea what that means, but you can't talk to me like that.

• Charles : What's that smell?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Dirt. Wool. Grass... Life.

  Charles : All I smell is shit.

• A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Even up the reins. Drop your heels. Turn your knees inward.

  Charles : Hey, I've ridden a horse before! OK, it was "Virtual Saddle."

• A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Home. Quite a word.

• Shuck : You know, we ought to be thinkin' about gettin' the kid back home, Stoney. He belongs to his mama. You can't turn him into a wooly boy in two hours.

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : You can't teach nobody nothin' around here.

• Charles : So where's Hidden Springs?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : I'll know it when I see it.

  Shuck : Then we're all in big trouble, 'cause the old fart forgot his glasses.

• A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : Skeleton trees. We head north.

  Charles : Skeleton trees? Bald rock, broke twig? This is how you guys get around?

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : The land has scars just like people. Helps you recognize where you are.

  Shuck : You gotta a better way?

  Charles : Yeah! Turn left at Burger King... if you hit Taco Bell, you've gone too far.

• [repeated line] 

  A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman : If you want to curse, go outside.