Finding Nemo (2003)

Barry Humphries: Bruce

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bruce : [reciting]  I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.

• Dory : Hi. I'm Dory.

  Anchor , Chum , Bruce : Hello, Dory.

  Dory : And, uh, well... well, I don't think I've ever eaten a fish.

  [the sharks applaud] 

  Chum : Wow, that's incredible!

  Bruce : Good on ya, mate!

  Dory : Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.

• Bruce : [breaking through a porthole while blood-crazy]  Here's Brucey!

• Bruce : Now there is a father looking for his little boy.

  [starts crying] 

  Bruce : I never knew my father!

  Anchor : Come on, group hug.

  Chum : We're all mates here, mate.

• Marlin : There was this mollusk, and he walks up to this sea cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke everyone talks. So the sea mollusk says to the cucumber...

  [sees the mask] 

  Marlin : Nemo!

  Chum : [laughing]  Nemo! Ha ha! Nemo... I don't get it.

  Bruce : For a clown fish, he's not that funny.

• Bruce : Hello. My name is Bruce.

  Anchor , Chum : Hello, Bruce.

  Bruce : It has been three weeks since my last fish, on my honor, or may I be chopped up and made into soup.

  [Anchor and Chum applaud] 

  Chum : You're an inspiration to us all!

  Anchor : Amen!

• Bruce : Today's meeting is Step 5: Bring a fish friend. Everyone brought a fish friend?

  Anchor : Got mine.

  [a small fish shivering with fear] 

  Dory : Hi there!

  Bruce : What about you, Chum?

  Chum : Oh... um... I seem to have misplaced my, um... friend.

  [a fish skeleton peeks from Chum's teeth; Chum quickly sucks it back in] 

  Bruce : That's all right, mate. I had a feeling this would be a hard step. You can help yourself to one of my friends.

  Chum : [Taking Marlin]  Thanks mate. A little chum for Chum, eh?

• Bruce : All right, anyone else? Hello, how 'bout you, mate? What's your problem?

  Marlin : Me? I don't... I don't have a problem.

  Bruce : Oh. Okay...

  Bruce , Anchor , Chum : [to each other]  Denial.

• [Marlin and Dory are each pulling on the mask; it snaps and hits Dory in the face] 

  Dory : Ow!

  Marlin : Oh, I'm really sorry. Are you okay?

  Dory : Ow, ow, ow!

  Marlin : I'm so sorry.

  Dory : You really clocked me there. Am I bleeding?

  [a wisp of blood floats from Dory's nose] 

  Marlin : Ohh!

  Dory : Ow. Ow. Ow.

  Bruce : Dory, are you okay...

  [Sniffs the blood; his eyes turn black] 

  Bruce : Oh, ooooooh, that's good...

  Chum , Anchor : Intervention!

• Mr. Ray : [introduction to the Bonus Features menu of the first disc of the DVD; Mr. Ray is singing]  Let's make a selection, a selection, a selection. Let's make a selection on the D-V-D! Ohhhhh! Pick something.

  Nemo : [looks down at the reef]  Cool!

  Mr. Ray : [all characters are off-screen past this point]  Welcome explorers! So much to see, so much to learn. Let's go!

  [long pause] 

  Mr. Ray : Okay, optical orbits up front, and let's pick a button.

  Dory : Uh! I'd like to see it with the commentary!

  Marlin : It's not up to you.

  Dory : Well, they might listen to me; I speak mammal. Choose the commentary!

  Marlin : Unbelievable...

  Mr. Ray : Sooo... Moving along!

  [pause] 

  Mr. Ray : All scientific exploration is an act of discovery, so pick a button and discover what happens.

  Bruce : [Bruce's Easter egg narration on the same menu]  Hullo. My name is Bruce. I promise to watch all the making-of features, listen to the complete audio-visual commentary, and search diligently for Easter Eggs. On my honor, so help me.

• Bruce : [blasts face through door]  Here's Brucieee!

• Bruce : Just a bite!

  Anchor : Now you hold it together, mate!

  Chum : Remember, Bruce! Fish are friends, not food!

  Bruce : Food!

• Bruce : Hello.

  [Marlin gasps, Dory swims up] 

  Dory : Well, hi!

  Bruce : Name's Bruce.

  [offers fin, Marlin backs up] 

  Bruce : It's all right. I understand.

  [turns away] 

  Bruce : Why trust a shark, right?

  [quickly returns and snaps at Marlin and Dory, then laughs] 

• Bruce : I'm having fish tonight.

• Bruce : Anchor! Chum!

  Anchor : There you are, Bruce. Finally!

  Bruce : We've got company.

  Anchor : Well, it's about time, mate!

  Chum : We've already gone through the snacks, and we're still starving!

  Anchor : We almost had us a feeding frenzy.

  Chum : Come on, let's get this over with.

• [looking at the mines] 

  Dory : Hey, look, balloons. It is a party.

  Bruce : Mind your distance, though. Those balloons can be a bit dodgy. You wouldn't want one of them to pop.

• Bruce : So, what's a couple of bites like you doing out so late?

  Marlin : Nothing, we're not doing anything, we're not even out.

  Bruce : Great! Then how would you little morsels like to come to a little - a little get-together I'm having?

  Dory : You mean like a party?

  Bruce : Yeah, that's it, a party! What do you say?

  Dory : Oh, I love parties! That sounds like fun.

  Marlin : Parties are fun, and it's tempting, but we really have to...

  Bruce : [Takes Dory and Marlin by the fin]  Aw, come on. I insist.

  Marlin : [Nervous]  Okay, that's all that matters.